My H was 45 when S was born and 47 when D was born. His folks were overjoyed to meet their grandkids, tho MIL died when S was 3 and D was 1. We were able to go to Disneyland with my FIL and the kids were in grade school, which is something we never did with my folks.
I was 24 and 31. I am very glad I had kids while young - both in terms of my own physique but also grandparents were vigorous enough to get involved. They helped us a lot.
I have told my kids the same as Very Happy. I even told them if we needed a baby to be happy, we could foster. While I am over the moon with a grandchild, our lives were very full before he arrived. For us grandchildren are lagniappe.
I was married at 26 and H was 25 with first baby just before my 30th birthday, second at 32 and third at 35. D3 is a November baby and I had hoped there would just be 3 grades between #2 and #3 so we were thrilled when she was ready for K when not quite 5. I think it helped my 3 D’s to be closer and, as someone mentioned upthread, that enabled them to be in the same school for more years. I didn’t find the baby/toddler years all that easy but wouldn’t change a thing. I have continued to enjoy parenthood (and am probably better at it) with each passing year.
Oldest is turning 26 and none are in a serious relationship so grandparenting appears to be years away. I do hope that, if I’m fortunate to be a grandparent, I’m young enough and energetic enough to enjoy it and be fully engaged.
36 for our only- H was 39. We met when I was close to 30, married after a year of dating (ages still 31 and 34) and ran into the infertility roadblock or it would have been sooner and two kids. Since we were older when we met and married we did not need the extra years before kids. Needed to meet the right guy- did so when in private practice as a physician. Most of my medical school women friends got married just after graduating. My close college friends never married.
Grandparents? What are they? One crotchety old grandpa for me- the others died +/- age 50 or so. My mother died at 53- before any grandchildren (in our 20’s my sister and I used to tell her she didn’t care if we got married she just wanted grandchildren). My inlaws were mainly in India but we enjoyed them when they came for several weeks at a time. My son is the youngest grandchild of 6 and I missed out on some of the babysitting and activities as my father was older and out of town.
I thought we were a generation ahead of our time until I see how many posters here also were older. Now the trend is to wait until around 30 or later for most of the younger relatives. I wonder if increased opportunities for women and less restrictive living together lifestyles have made a difference.
I was more educated and older than son’s classmates’ parents. Plus- so many things happened in my teens/early twenties. Think Vietnam, Civil Rights, Women’s Lib- things many of you younger parents take for granted. H once saw a 36 year old grandmother as a patient- he was yet to be a father!
H and I turn 60 this year and I think a grandchild is likely about 5 years away (at least). Doesn’t bother me at all. I don’t think of myself as old - still enjoying my career, I’m physically active, etc.
Then again, I never felt like an “older mom” when I had my kids in my 30’s.
I was 25 , 28 and 34 when I had my children. My only regret is having my tubes tied when youngest was born. One more would have been nice. She was a surprise and my husband took some time to get used to the fact that I was pregnant…it seemed like the thing to do at the time.
I was 28, 30, 33.
Started our family 5.5 years after getting married, 1 year after getting my master’s and the house purchase.
I wouldn’t change anything about the timing.
H and I met in law school. I was 22 and he is 3 years older. Too long of a story later, S1 was born when I was 31 and he was 34. We initially envisioned two kids, 4 years apart. However, I unexpectedly became pregnant again when S1 was about 6 months old. He and only D are 2 days less than 15 months apart (we call them half Irish twins). H and I married as D’s first birthday present. We had two cakes at our reception, a wedding and a birthday. The 3 younger boys were born when we were 35/38, 37/40 and 39/43.
I wish that I had been younger but am glad I was not older. I always swore that I would never be as ancient as my mom was when I had my first child, so of course I was older, My parents were 30 and 33 when I was born, having had a “shot gun” wedding 9 years earlier even though she wasn’t really pregnant (my grandparents hated my dad and refused to consent, so my mom said she was expecting and, as anticipated in 1950, her parents threw together a quickie wedding).
One thing that I noticed was that with my first son, I was one of the oldest moms in his K class. My D was in K one year later, but she was in a gifted program. In THAT class, I was the second youngest mother of the 28 in the class. With S17 (my 5th), I remember when he was in 5th grade, he had a classmate whose mother once whined to me about her upcoming 30th birthday! I was coming up on my 50th!
I would love to have grandchildren but I don’t know if that is in the near future. My oldest son has been dating the same girl for almost 10 years (they are 26 and 24 now). When they first became sexually active, I called her mom to discuss birth control and her reaction was: “Oh, wouldn’t it be lovely to have a grandchild!” She was 19 when her first child was born. Sadly, at this point, S1’s gf is so damaged by her childhood (divorce, substance abuse, foster care before being taken in by grandparents) that she never wants to have children. I just didn’t want them to have kids as teenagers. D has been dating a nice young man for a year but swears she doesn’t want kids or if she will, she will adopt, which I don’t favor. The other boys are young and not in any relationships.
33 and 35. It’s so hard to say whether I’d change anything, because when I let my mind go down that path, my mind wants to change EVERYTHING. Is that real regret or the human mind at work? I don’t know.
I was 26 when DH and I had our one and only child in 1988. I wouldn’t change a thing. DD was married 10 months ago, and I am anxious for grandchildren.
One of my male high school friends who is my age (55) and his wife just had a baby
26, 31 and 35…For us it worked.
I got married at 24 (traveled before that, so I never felt like I missed out on anything). I was 25 (in grad school), 28, 31, 33, 36, 39, and 42 when our kids were born. H is 2 years older than I am. I tell my kids to have kids in their 20s! I wouldn’t change anything–but sometimes I think it would’ve been nice to have had them a little closer in age to each other, and when H and I were a little younger. Yes, I have been mistaken for the grandma of my youngest two multiple times. Physically it gets harder to keep up with them. But whatever you get, whatever happens, you make it work. I hope we have grandchildren soon–while we are still young enough to enjoy them and help with them.
I’m now 63 and see no grand-children any time in the near future. Maybe never. But that is my children’s choice, not mine. So it wouldn’t really matter at what age I had my kids as far as being an active grandparent.
But as I said in post #1, if I had the kids a few ( 2-3) years earlier, H and I would have had a few more years with a good income and no tuition payments to travel and enjoy our position in life as a couple apres child responsibilities. Haha
We seem to be in a good position to retire. But as you age,the future becomes more uncertain. The truth of the matter is, the things you were concerned about at 40 or 50 yrs. old are not the same things at 60 plus.
Also 63. Given our ages for meeting, marrying, having a kid it could still be another decade for us- if at all. Varying attitudes among intelligent women. One woman I know wanted marriage and parenthood so did it young and never finished college because she didn’t want to take needed classes (her H has a PhD). She thinks one should be young for grandparenting- the opposite of those of us who don’t see that as our major role at our ages. Her D’s are well educated (one an MD) and she has some young grandchildren while in her late 50’s- it would be interesting to find out her Ds’ take on her views.
It doesn’t seem fair that some are fertile and produce many children while others can’t despite trying. Proves the point that life isn’t fair.
I was married at 22 and had our kids at 26, 28 and 30. Youngest of my friends, but I love being free and able to go and do now and my friends are dealing with band practices, track, science fairs, etc. Loved the timing of it all and happy with where we are now.
^^It’s funny, almost all of my friends are different ages, but the common thread is that we all have kids around the same age, so we’re all experiencing most of the same life stuff.
Married at 19 (H is a few years older), kids at 23 (almost 24) and 29. Would not mind to have #2 a few years earlier, but I was too busy working on my PhD, lol. We would probably consider #3, but I had a major health crisis, so I am very happy we started early. Almost all our friends had their kids around the same age.
If any of you had had your kids at any other time, they wouldn’t be the kids you got. It is a unique combination of genetic material that happens at each given moment of conception. There is no perfect moment, but I couldn’t imagine not having the person who is the daughter that I ended up with in my life. To me she is the daughter that I was supposed to have.