How old were you when you had your first child? This is for both sexes. Would you change the age to earlier or later if you could do it again?
I was 32, almost 33, with my first and I have 3. I think 29- 30 would have been better for my first. That would give several extra years still working and earning and not paying tuitions. H and I have been having a blast since no longer paying tuitions. Would liked to have had that a few more years before retirement. We are not yet retired, but it is looming in a few years. And we so are enjoying the freedom of tuition which went on for nine years. Four years was paying for two, one for three and four for one.
But I am also glad I did not have kids in my early or mid 20’s or younger. I got to explore life, travel, get more education and just plain live as my own self. Not a mother, dependent , etc.
I had our first child just after turning 30 and 2nd 2 years and 5 days later. It worked well for us. Because H was older when we married and worked for 45 years, he did work until very recently but the timing worked pretty well for us. It would have been more difficult to start our family earlier than we did, as S was born 18 months after we married anyway.
We did pay private HS tuition and then private U tuition which was costly but no regrets. It is nice having 0 tuitions now!
We were 40-ish for our first child and so obviously we will be older than 60-ish when our kids graduate from college. I There are benefits and negative consequences. The main downside so far is that our kids never knew healthy active grandparents. They did have all grandparents when they were young but within a few years health problems set in and the grandparents could no longer travel and then two passed away while the kids were still in elementary school.
Yes, my kids did miss having H’s grandparents around when they were growing up. HI’s mom died when the kids were 1 and 3. His dad died about 5 or 6 years later. My folks have been around and been a part of their lives.
We were the oldest couple in Lamaze class. One couple was starting their first child together (they each had kids from prior relationships). It made us feel ancient. Fortunately many of the parents at our kids’ preschool were older parents as well.
It's worked out for me and I wouldn't change it. I'm able now to enjoy things I didn't have an opportunity to when I was younger. And I think I have a better appreciation for them.
I was just about to turn 34 when D was born (S followed 5 years later).
I would not change a thing, My kids are lucky to have had great relationships with all 4 grandparents (3 still living). We became empty nesters at 57, which is still young.
I had my first at 38, second at 41. My H is 5 years older than me. It is challenging now that we are trying to juggle potential retirement at the same time as college costs are coming. On the other hand, we were both financially secure when we got married. I owned a condo, and he had a small house. We sold both when we got married to buy the house we live in now. We both were in management positions so we weren’t counting pennies. It allowed us to save quite a bit for our kids college funds.
My kids have also only known one grandparent but that isn’t completely age related. H and and I both lost one of our parents when we were very young. His mother died when our kids were young so she got to see them but they don’t remember her. My mom is still around and going strong so that is the one they know. I would have chosen to have kids younger but life didn’t work out that way. I didn’t meet my husband until I was 35.
28, 30, and 33. It’s worked out well for us, though my eldest is now getting married at 32 and I am 60, so we will not be the young grandparents (hopefully) my kids had.
37 and 40. You can easily pop them out at that age, but having the energy to keep up with all their activities later is another story. I would have liked to have my children 10 years earlier, but if it’s a choice between not having children and having them late in life, I’ll take the latter.
We both retired while still paying college bills and the mortgage on the house, so retirement is a more frugal lifestyle. That part I would not change, given our kids were born late in our lives.
If our kids wait to get married and have kids like we did, we won’t have much of a life with our grandkids.
Interesting question! I had my 2 at 27 & 35. My brother, otoh, had his twins when he was 45. It’s been fascinating to see the difference in parenting – I was SO paranoid about everything, and my brother is much less neurotic. Would love to have been a more relaxed & pragmatic parent. But I also like the idea of being a younger grandparent than he will be (if we are so blessed). I really enjoy being an auntie as an empty nester. I can focus so much more fully on my nieces & nephews this way!
If I had it to do over, I would do it like @runnersmom . I had mine at 35 and 37. Young enough, but it kept me from wanting a 3rd. I worked FT. I would have started younger and had the 3rd by 35, not start.
I would change the age to later. I was a teen mom. I had my 1st at 19. Thank god for my mom and sister and all their support because I couldn’t have done it without them.
oh I’m also most forgot their dad lol. His commitment to be in his kids life and provide for them is the reason I was able to go to college and work part time and the reason my daughter was able to use the Fry Scholarship she now using to go to college.
I had my first at 25. I should have waited a couple of years but it’s been nice to have some years between tuition and retirement. H would like to retire relatively young and enjoy. Need to make a few financial things happen before that.
29, 32, 37. I was married at 22 and never regret choosing to have those 7 years with just my H and I. I wouldn’t have minded sneaking one more baby in.
46 when we adopted (an infant.) DH is five years younger. (I married at 42.) For me, personally, it has been wonderful. I had a lot of living, traveling, working, growing up to do to get to that point. A younger “me” wouldn’t have had the patience and enthusiasm for parenting that I had by middle age. I was ready to throw myself into it 100%. Found a fair amount of older moms (but not as old as me) to do things with during those early years. But, yes, the grandparent thing has been a loss for our daughter…even while alive they didn’t have the energy they were able to lavish on my nephews. Also, DDs cousins were grown. I do worry about her being alone in the world at a relatively young age (wanted to adopt another so she would have a sib but husband was happy with the status quo and didn’t want to push our luck.) He just says, oh, she’ll be happily married. I hope so! Fortunately, she is bright, grounded, competent, reasonably cautious and tends to have very stable friendships, or I would have nightmares! We inherited a cushion from extremely frugal parents on both sides, so there are funds to greatly help with college and retirement at our advanced ages!
I had my first child 2 weeks before my 32nd birthday, and my second child at 35. DH is 8 months older than me. We never planned to have more than 2. I’m not sure how financially ready we would’ve been if we’d had them much earlier, and we still had the energy and resources to deal with 2 kids in our 30’s.
The only reason I can think of to have had them earlier is that we’d be younger when we have grandchildren, which we don’t have yet. But there would’ve been no way to have anticipated how old my kids would be when they had their own kids.
A few years earlier would have been better from the standpoint of having more active grandparents, but our own student loan debt and poor insurance coverage caused us to delay.