<p>calmom - I have no experience with large publics, so I don’t know that they don’t have those classes. The comment was just from what I do know. That’s the part of my expensive private education and my D’s expensive private education that as humanities/undecided types I would just want to know was I giving it up or not when I took the $$$.</p>
<p>calmom: good post but if you broke it into several small ones we could get to 1000 quicker where the thread self-destructs— and curmudge’s keyboard explodes!</p>
<p>Lol…</p>
<p>“I’d go for the better school in a heartbeat, any day of the week”.</p>
<p>I KNOW we’ve been down this road before, but what is a “better school”? Certainly Yale is likely to be better than some fourth tier university. But it’s not that easy. Is Wake Forest better than Bucknell? Cornell better than Vanderbilt? Are either of these better than a top state school? Or a good honors college at a good state school? Are we talking SATs and GPAs here? The “better” school is likely to be a personal decision. And yes, for most of us, the choice might be influenced a bit by cost. Let’s not assume that everyone needs to pay those extra $ and go through extra pain and debt to get what they want.<br>
It’s only money?? Starting post-college life with crushing debt doesn’t sound worth it to me.</p>
<p>Alumother, you have a very bright son. I thought I read somewhere he is considering Duke. </p>
<p>Would you ever consider sending your son to a lower ranked school to save the money?</p>
<p>If your son got into Duke and it was his first choice school, you would joyfully send him to Duke, wouldn’t you?</p>
<p>I’m sorry you didn’t like the way I typed IVY. I didn’t mean anything by it. It just seemed to work. I didn’t give it much thought. Also, I’m not the best typist. I type with 5 fingers and they are never the same 5 fingers. I never know which finger is going to touch which key. :)</p>
<p>I would not consider sending my son to a lower ranked school to save the money. My family has money. My father has put enough aside to send my son where ever he wishes to go. My family values education above all else. With a college professor for a patriarch what would you expect?</p>
<p>But, I would absolutely send my son to Duke IF he gets accepted next year if it is his first choice school. Even if he was accepted at “higher-ranked” schools. Without a second thought. Or even to a “lower-ranked” school, if it was his first choice school and (big “and” here) I didn’t suspect him of testosterone poisoning when he told me what the choice was. Choosing Duke does not require testosterone poisoning.</p>
<p>dstark, you might be surprised by my son’s college visit list.</p>
<p>Many of the posts here assume you know what career your child is heading for. Both of my older kids, with new exposures in college, changed original plans. Son, who wanted to be an MD since he was 5, fell in love with a biotech company. The fact that the city his school is in is a biotech capitol was not one of our thoughts or considerations.</p>
<p>DD got a part time job in publishing from a women she met while taking in a Broadway play. She loves it. An unexpected perk of NYC. </p>
<p>.</p>
<p>Well, I thought it had Wisconsin on it. :)</p>
<p>There aren’t too many higher ranked schools than Duke. :)</p>
<p>I bet Rhodes isn’t on the list. ;)</p>
<p>OK Alumother, I didn’t meant to attack you, just providing a different viewpoint from someone who DID attend a large public university. I think that there is something of a myth among those who have only experienced the elite end of things that all the positive qualities of their schools are unique to the elite – kind of as if Mercedes owners assumed that theirs were the only cars that would run reliably. </p>
<p>There seems to be an assumption that a college like Rhodes is offering a vastly inferior sort of education, and have only a handful of small students who were all tricked into coming by overly-generous offers of financial aid. I think you have dig much farther down the rankings before you start finding a huge difference. I am sure that there are some truly terrible colleges out there – I think my d. got a lot of email from a few last year begging her to apply – but they aren’t the colleges being regularly discussed in this forum.</p>
<p>Small differences in quality… yes. But not the huge differences.</p>
<p>I think one difference at a large state U. is it is possible to go both ways. The motivated student can find the stimulating courses and profs with the engaged students; the unmotivated student can opt for an easier major, find the courses we used to call micky mouse – and slide right on through with little effort and a lot of partying. Once I settled down and got the partying out of my system - which took about a year and a half – I was prelaw, so from then on out I was pretty serious, and UCD was full of prelaw and premed and engineering students. I met a woman over the weekend who asked me how my d. liked Barnard - and then told me that she attended Barnard for a year in the 80’s, was absolutely miserable, and transferred as a sophomore to a large flagship U in a midwestern state where she was very happy. She later went to law school and works at a major downtown firm (which she hates, but she is still working on paying off the law school loans – she seemed a little envious of the rather laid back public interest lawyer sitting at our table). When we chatted a little more, it turned out that the things that she hated at Barnard were essentially the same as the things my daughter gripes about — the school hasn’t changed much – but what my daughter views as minor annoyances were major problems for her. So a lot really depends on the perspective of the individual.</p>
<p>
That’s true - I did that and so did my son. That’s why I think I was so much better off having opted for a large public university - seemingly unlimited resources in terms of departments and course offerings and very easy to change course, and more financial leeway if it takes more time to graduate because of the changes. (Though I actually graduated a quarter early). It was a mistake in hindsight for my son to opt for a small LAC, because it was a good place for 18 year old but not the right place for the 20 year old. At my public I was not only able to change majors, I could change schools. (I started out at college of letters & science, ended up graduating from college of agriculture). </p>
<p>It’s one reason I encouraged my d. to look at larger universities and to avoid small, self-contained LAC’s.</p>
<p>calmom:makes sense to me.</p>
<p>S requires an ocean nearby. He means it. So no Wisconsin. No Rhodes, what can I say. No Carleton. Darn. But UMiami is on it…for the ocean, for the marine bio, and for the hip hop/music production. Coral Gables here we come. If the marine bio guys are great, and IF he can find discussion seminars in history or english or whatever he takes where his passion for criticism is exercised where kids are at his level, I am all about UMiami.</p>
<p>Now, what do I mean by at his level. Do they have to have his PSAT scores? (CR780 with prep=3 hours on a plane ride doing one real test). No. They just have to be able to have the non-obvious discussion. That is the only criterion. S just can’t have to to sit in the classroom waiting to hear a comment that surprises him or challenges his analytical capacity. That is it.</p>
<p>I thought Lake michigan, which is not so far, is like an ocean!</p>
<p>Maybe, Miami will end up his first choice school and he will get a scholarship. :)</p>
<p>I took a graduate class in education a couple of summers ago. I was the oldest person in the class. 
That was weird. There were people from all different backgrounds, intelligence levels, and wealth, (The teacher was filthy rich and a socialist. Made for an interesting classroom experience).</p>
<p>I learned from every single person in that classroom. Some people wrote better (there were two lawyers in the class). Some people presented their ideas better. But every single person had something of value to say. </p>
<p>And since I was 48 at the time, on one assignment, when the teacher said if I changed one sentence she would give me a better grade, I listened and I didn’t do it. :)</p>
<p>What one is capable of learning from others at the age of 50 is different - in most cases - from what one is capable of learning from others at the age of 18.</p>
<p>If UMiami is his first choice, and it’s clear he can benefit intellectually and socially, scholarship or no he can go.</p>
<p>But that’s just because of my family financial situation - YMMV.</p>
<p>“What one is capable of learning from others at the age of 50 is different - in most cases - from what one is capable of learning from others at the age of 18.”</p>
<p>I’m sure that is true.</p>
<p>I think there are certain subjects where the ability of the students can help.
I wouldn’t want to take an English Lit class unless my fellow students loved the subject or were bright in that area. The same for the Classics. Math classes, many science classes, the same.</p>
<p>For sociology classes, psychology classes, many economic classes, I think I would prefer people of varying intelligences and students with very different backgrounds and experiences than mine.</p>
<p>Art classes and music classes, well the other students wouldn’t want me in their class. :)</p>
<p>So we really are back to “fit” aren’t we. DD passed on an almost full five year ride at RPI for very little from MIT. While I still struggle with the financial end of this decision, she is absolutely sure she made the right choice. We visited both schools extensively, I spent a lot of time on both campuses in the late 70’s - early 80’s, and the decision was not made hastily. End result DD made a fairly informed choice. It is not the name that matters it is finding a place where you feel you belong. So I try not to think of the many vacation spots I will need to wait a while to visit and make sure DD knows we are behind her 100%. If she had chosen the alternative I would have gone to some of those spots I have not been to in a long, long time, but while sipping that tropical drink I would have always wondered what if…</p>
<p>I think that the issue is both fit AND affordability. </p>
<p>Alumother doesn’t consider affordability because she is fortunate enough to be in a position where all colleges are affordable. Which is great – if I had $200K in a bank account for my kid’s education, I’d tell her she could do what she pleased with it too. </p>
<p>But I don’t. Nor does Curmudgeon. So affordability is a big factor – we have to draw lines, thinking about how far we are willing to stretch, how much debt we can handle, trying to sort out nuances of whether the elite might be worth an extra $10K but not $20K. </p>
<p>And we sometimes do tell our kids that they can’t attend their best-fit college, in favor of one that is a reasonably-close fit. We want the best that we can afford – and that’s why we put effort into navigating the financial aid system - both need based and merit based - and finding affordable options.</p>
<p>akdad, our son is at Rensselaer, is enjoying it greatly and thriving academically. HOWEVER, you can be confident that your DD made the correct choice for her. One size does not fit all.</p>
<p>calmom, we had(have) $2,000,000 in the bank plus a $76000 college fund, so money was not an issue. However our son was not a candidate for the MIT’s, HYP’s. I think he was a strong candidate for Cornell(my grad college), Case, CMU, etc. </p>
<p>The question our son needed to consider was a Cornell or CMU worth the $70,000-$100,000 additional cost?</p>
<p>Given the fact that he is near the top in his CSCI department and inducted into the department honorary society soph year, has been offered paid undergrad TA positions junior year, will begin his grad degree program senior year, spent last summer working with a professor on an open source software project and is in a degree program with an undergrad thesis requirement, he has no doubt that he made the correct decision.</p>