<p>It is not because of the superior smartness genes we pass onto our firstborn. Apparently, it is because we pay more to their schoolwork and are tougher on them - it is all about our parenting:</p>
<p>[Want</a> Your Youngest Child to Achieve? Treat Him Like He’s Your Oldest](<a href=“Want Your Youngest Child to Achieve? Treat Him like Your Oldest”>Want Your Youngest Child to Achieve? Treat Him like Your Oldest)</p>
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<p>Yeah, not the pattern in my kids at all. My oldest is probably the most intellectually gifted of my three kids…yet he was the one who was the least driven to achieve good grades. He just did what he needed to do. The irony is, he is now a teacher. :)</p>
<p>We have two sons, three years apart in age. S1 has always been the high achiever while S2 was just average in school. In our house though, it was S2 that got the most attention. S1 always enjoyed school/learning/achieving. He was self motivated. School work came easy for him. He rarely needed help. S2, the average student was the one I spent the most time with. Every day was an uphill battle with his homework.</p>
<p>As a younger sibling, I hate these sweeping generalizations.</p>
<p>Complete garbage. Correlation does not neccesarily equal causation. And I’m the oldest!</p>
<p>It’s true that parents make mistakes, especially with their oldest.
Mine was so happy when she got a sibling when she was eight, to take some of the heat off!
;)</p>
<p>But subsequent children can be just as intelligent and probably even healthier due to increased nutrition in utero.</p>
<p>I’m with VeryHappy. These writers must have a playbook of stock phrases and generalizations that will get people to look at their articles and comment. It’s all fuel for the fire.</p>
<p>My oldest brother (first born) got the brunt of parental scrutiny and criticism and it pretty much killed him, emotionally. And he is not hugely more successful than the rest of us.</p>
<p>My other brother, the “middle child”, fits some of those stereotypes.</p>
<p>I’m fourth of five – not the baby, not the middle, not the oldest. Where’s the article about me and my tropes?</p>
<p>In our case it’s certainly true, but I don’t think that’s the main difference. My mom admits she got tired of parenting when my younger sister was in middle school and just stopped. Neither one of us really had our schoolwork micromanaged, but my mom watched me like a hawk and was always on me and I had a LOT of rules-- including a curfew until I was 22, for example. None of that really for my sister and I do think it has negatively affected her, they went from one extreme to the other. Which figures, because I was not a troublemaker anyway and my sister totally is. She needed the structure a lot more than I did to teach her how to behave.</p>
<p>The real difference between the two of us, though, is that I have the ability to be much more self directed. I decided what I wanted to do with my life, picked a college, figured out how to get in, figured out how to pay for it, and went-- with no parental guidance or support. When it came time to apply for community college my sister wanted my mom to do her one page application for her-- and was irate that my mom wouldn’t help-- “but you helped EMA with everything, this is so unfair!” She can’t even fathom that I could do those things by myself. </p>
<p>We have an interesting thing that happened with our family in that both of us kids developed mysterious illnesses as young adults. My parents took me to a couple doctors when I was 18 and then just stopped, they never figured it out and six years later I am still sick. My sister has been sick for a year and gets chauffeured to a different doctor every week, mom makes her special meals, and it is obvious her sickness is a bigger deal for reasons that are beyond my comprehension. I gather it is just that she is the youngest, mom is more interested in mothering her than me. But when it came to the bothersome rules and behavior monitoring that weren’t any fun for anybody, those she couldn’t muster the energy for! Our youngest gets very selective parenting.</p>
<p>My kids are 5 years apart, so we were all geared up again when the second one came along. The younger one is just as much of high achiever as her sister. They are two very different people, so it’s hard to apply what worked for D1 to D2.</p>
<p>My kids are 8 yrs apart & the youngest was much more time intensive.
So while oldest did attend a school that is mentioned more on CC than her sibs university, she actually received much less attention once the youngest was born.( especially since I was essentially a single mom time wise, since H worked 2nd shift)
:(</p>
<p>I have three kids and no complaints about where any of them are, achievement-wise. But the middle child is definitely the most driven and has achieved the most academically. I always thought the younger two did so well because the oldest is pretty darned smart, and they decided to try to stay in the game with her.</p>
<p>My kids are pretty equal, though S is two hours older than his baby sis :-)</p>
<p>Emerald, what is your source that “second children have better nutrition in utero”? As an OB’s wife, that sounds like mommy woo legend. I’d be interested in knowing if there were a real, credible source.</p>
<p>Although I grew up in a family of doctors, the older I get, the more I find the “mommy woo legend” generally has at least some validity. And sometimes it’s just right, regardless what professionals tell us.</p>
<p>Not even close. (for our family)</p>
<p>In many ways, especially as related to school, we were the most relaxed with our oldest, because we were much less aware of all the tutoring, SAT prep, and “grooming for college applications” extracurriculars going on in other families. We managed not to scar him with our lack of pushing. He has been just fine, graduated with two majors in four years, is happy and secure.</p>
<p>Second son is highly self directed, and has pushed himself to achieve at the highest levels. We were much more aware of what goes on in terms of pushing and grooming because of what we saw and heard happening with his friends and their families. But he was the one doing the pushing. He is also fine, happy and secure in his third year of college.</p>
<p>Our youngest is the one we have been most likely to monitor (push) through the years because she is less likely to manage her time well. It is a part of who she is. We took her out of a high level math/science track because the time she needed to keep up with the work wasn’t worth it. We have carefully backed off as she matures. She is now completely in charge of her own work, we don’t check, or ask, or hover. She still occasionally wildly underestimates how long a project is going to take, and has some very late nights finishing papers, but we just go to bed and let her figure it out. </p>
<p>We ARE much more relaxed now, and more aware of how utterly unimportant most everything during the K-12 years is, including whether our kids are three or two or one year above grade level in math… Or heaven forbid, actually ON grade level… the demands of coaches, band directors, club teams, summer camps, summer Habitat for Humanity type trips and all those other “If you aren’t doing this you are doomed, doomed I say, and you’ll NEVER get into college” activities.</p>
<p>Pizza girl , when you look at families with more than one child, invariably the babies are larger with subsequent births although not always as much of a difference with my own kids ( my 2nd was 3x bigger)
I was told that the reason for this is better blood supply to the placenta.
Of course the older the parents are, the more opportunities to be exposed to environmental toxins, although they also may be able to afford better quality groceries at 30 than they did at 20.</p>
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<p>This is exactly true for our family. We were those “never going to watch a minute of tv, never going to have white sugar or flour pass her lips” parents of D1. We were meticulous with discipline and consistency. She has always been an ace. D2 has spent her life trying to catch her sister and sometimes she succeeds and other times she faceplants spectacularly. But D1 always kept skipping along at a good and consistent pace. When S came alone, we were exhausted, guilty, pulled in many directions, and also excited to have the widdle sweetums to love again. This was not a recipe for success in his case and we are all still struggling. He is 15 now and has many excellent qualities but is not blessed in the area of work ethic. Which is ALL MY FAULT.</p>
<p>Complete bunk in my case. Our parents weren’t strict with either of us but my sister is definitely not a high-achiever. She is a bartender who is convinced she’s going to marry a rich sugar daddy and live out her days spending his money.</p>
<p>Romani it’s interesting to me that both you & ema have slackers for younger sisters.
I sure hope my oldest doesn’t view her sister in that way.</p>
<p>I’m the eldest sibling. Our parents were definitely more involved and stricter with me than the others. They wore out. I sort of helped raise the youngest children and did the majority of their carpooling to sports and lessons. By most societal standards, I am the least successful. However, I have exactly the life I planned for since I was a small child. My siblings have occasionally let slip they see me as a bit of a slacker, though less so in recent years.</p>
<p>Ek, I’m sorry I guess I wasn’t clear. I’m the baby, my slacker sister is five years older than me. </p>
<p>Though we’re half siblings so slightly different dynamics.</p>