<p>I am reminded of an expression that goes something like “we think we raise our children, but our children raise us”.</p>
<p>DD was verrry bright… we hardly had to work with her at all. I scratched me head at parents drilling spelling words - boooring when all perfect. Teacher conferences were a breeze and a joy. DS was 3 years younger, also bright. But we though of him as our “absent minded professor”. We worked with him. A little bit of spelling. Some organziatoion helpm, and a lot of practice raising our hands at the dinner table. </p>
<p>Fast forward to high school. DD floundered in tough IB classes - she had sailed along on brainpower and had zero organization skills (who knew?). DS did very, very well. So maybe the attention does make a difference. But it’s not always related to birth order.</p>
<p>Oh - I will add that I think DS was helped by extensive music (11 years piano, 7 years sax).</p>
<p>To echo Ema, I don’t want it to sound like I have a negative view of my sister. We have taken fundamentally different paths. While I don’t particularly approve of how she lives her life, and I think she’s a selfish person to her core, I still love her. We’re never going to be best friends but… </p>
<p>She’s also very intelligent. She can pick up languages and can debate like no one’s business. She just didn’t choose to use it in an academic-oriented way. She chooses to use it in different ways.</p>
<p>Romani& Ema, I assumed you love your sisters, my impression from reading past posts is that you are often more than a little irritated & resentful.
But it’s hard to get a well rounded picture through reading replies on a message board,& I don’t prioritize details well, everything seems of equal importance- so I apologize if I upset you.</p>
<p>I’ve read that first borns are more into adult pleasing than later kids, but I expect that changes with spacing, sex ( my brother for instance- because he was a boy, was given what I saw as the privileges of the eldest- me!), and personality.</p>
<p>In my sisters family, I’d say her 2nd born had more of the typical first born traits.(they are both girls, but with different personalities)</p>
<p>My kids being 8 yrs apart are a little like two first borns, but still I observed more competitiveness than I expected given the age difference.</p>
<p>Ema, until I read about your older sister, I thought I was your younger sister. I was (still am) the classic underachiever and raised as the youngest of three. Okay grades, good test scores (sometimes even great test scores); drive my parents crazy. My family probably followed the stereotype of high achieving brother, neglected middle child and babied youngest child.</p>
<p>That all said, I don’t believe the study at all. Way too many factors to take into account, rendering the hypothesis useless. </p>
<p>In my own limited experience, using my nephews and nieces as the sample, birth order may play a part in personality and how they interact with people but success or achievement? No. </p>
<p>I think Mommabear hit on the issue, how are they defining success? just grades and college diplomas? income five years out? prestige of career choice? </p>
<p>What part does an gap play? People say that children born more than five years apart are essentially only children. FWIW, I’m not sure I believe this either. My kids are 5.5 years apart and trust me, neither are being raised in isolation from the other. They may want to be only kids at times, but they are definitely aware of a sibling and the time spent with or for the other child.</p>
<p>Just to clarify (this is really a question) – </p>
<p>The study said that first-borns are more intelligent?? Or more successful??</p>
<p>There are, of course, different types of intelligence and different types of success. My sister (first-born) has a phenomenal knack for getting excellent grades (she had a 3.98 GPA from Stanford) but is sometimes dumb when it comes to common sense. (At least, that’s how her baby sister views it. :rolleyes:)</p>
<p>My son and daughter are born two years apart. Son is oldest.
I believe they both have the same intelectual capabilites, but not the same likes/dislikes.
He waited all day for story time, she wouldn’t sit still for it.<br>
He cherished his books… she ripped and colored in them.
Differences can be pretty much summed up by repeating a conversation they had years ago…
daughter to son “you get all A’s on your report card and I hardly ever get one”
son to daughter “you play three sports, excel at all, and I can’t kick, bounce, hit a ball to save my life”</p>
<p>The success is based on how person uses not only his strong sides but also something that many would consider "weak’ or “negative” side.
OK, confidence. Ther are over-confident people out there. They seem to know just about everything. If you go a bit deeper, however, you will discover that it is not possible. It is NOT a good idea to be confident without background. One cannot be confident in everything. It is “phony”, these type of people eventually loose trust of others. You should be confident about something that you know and not so confident about stuff that you do not. Only then, people will definitely value your input, while you can gain a lot listenning to others who know more about certain aspect.
Everything has 2 sides. Any perceived weakness has a positive side. It is up to a person to use his weaknesses as positive forces in his life. Take subborness. Yes, it can lead to a very bad decisions, it can derail somebody. However, letting this trait to lead you in a positive direction might be invluable. almost giving you advantage over others. The list can go forever…there are advantages in reading slower in comparison to others, there are advantages in spending lots of time with your friends and also there are advantages in being intravert.<br>
It all depend on how we channel what we have. Our make up is not in our control, but how we use it is.</p>
<p>Agree with slacker–how siblings interact with each other and parents may have something to do with birth order but I don’t think their individual success is a product of it. Except that later kids have tired parents who probably let them have more freedom by default.</p>
<p>^It may happen in completely different order. The young parents are often very busy with building their career (and some of them mihgt still be going to school while working full time). Later, the kid is more or less for your personal entertainment, you have much more time, you are settled, time to enjoy various sprot practices, music performances, art, very nice expensive vacations. None of it is available to the older kid with parent sometime coming home just to go to bed. The older one is definitely more independent in this situation, needs to arrange his own rides to various places, needs to learn to take care of his car later and so forth…</p>