Okay, so my school has a very prestigious math team. The stereotype of asians being in it is true. I am friends with a good amount of the members and was talking to a freshman math team friend about colleges (I am a sophmore.) We began talking about how it is harder for asians to get in (just talking in general from past experinces at our school), then we discussed AP courses. I someday want to go to an ivy, but she doesn’t. I sadly didn’t take any AP classes as a freshie because my old school didn’t really offer any. Then, this year I was in a hard AP CS course by the math team god teacher and sadly, he extremely favored the math teamers, so I dropped it and had to join AP HG last minute. Yet, I’m only taking two APs this year and would have taken more if I didn’t join AP CS. Next year, I’m taking 5 APs. Senior year will be 8 APs. However, my asian math team friend took an AP in eigth, taking 5 APs now, 3 APs next year, 6 APs in junior, and I’m unaware how many in her senior, but probably around 4-6… But, as we continued our conversation, she said something along the lines of “You are one of the smartest white kids in [your grade or school, I forget which].” At first, I felt complimented, yet later on, it felt like it was a backhanded compliment. I don’t know how resourced her family is or anything, but my dad was the first kid in his family to ever go to college. However, he only went because he didn’t want to get drafted… Also, my dad in high school was a very consistent on his grades of Ds, yet I get all As. My mom from a family of eight didn’t even go to college. But, still my friends’ statement stung. For my resources, I feel as if I’m competing easily with all the math teamers, because my parents never cared if I go to a community college or solve cancer… I hate it when people question or downgrade my intelligence, especially because I usually feel people automatically assume I’m a dumb blonde. I guess with this post I’m just looking for some reconfirmation in myself. Also, my friend says clubs don’t matter (I don’t believe this at all because clubs show well-roundness), if you don’t have a leadership position (important, but you only need one or two leadership positions). I do APs, I have a black belt in martial arts, I do speech and debate, spanish club, chemistry team, and even started a non-profit. Am I just as good? (Sorry for low-self esteem post, just feeling really bad about my course-load right now…)
Dude… your friend is way way way above the norm. Not many people take APs in freshman year, let alone in 8th grade. Your school didn’t offer APs for freshmen. That’s fine, it’s not your fault. Your current and future course loads are already rigorous enough and indicative of a high achieving student, especially if you do well in them.
Don’t try to compare yourself constantly to others. Do what you want to do, and do well in what you do. It sounds like you are challenging yourself academically, and are committed to many interesting activities outside of school.
It’s called a microagression. I get them from all directions being an African-American, economically-disadvantaged, female. People all the time ask me why I talk “properly” or “white” as if my race should have decided my dialect. During a robotics competition, some dude directed me to the basketball game even though I had metal parts in my hand. In that same competiton, a dude touched my hair and remarked, “wow your hair isn’t as greasy as the other blacks!” I have to deal with crap like this everyday. Orchestra has the same problems with people assuming I must be a terrible cellist. A classmate once told me to be fine with a failing quiz grade on a math test because I was black and would still get a full ride to college. Tell your friend how her words insulted you and get used to the feeling. Use these assumptions as motivation to prove people wrong. At least, that’s what I do.
A similar thing actually happened to me. I’m African-American, and some white students in my Choir class told me they were so happy to be friends with me because I was classy enough “not to act ghetto” like “the other black kids.” To give some background, in our Choir class, there is a group of African American students who never follow instructions, speak like English wasn’t their first language, and say demeaning things to other students (“they can’t sing”, “they can’t dance,” etc). There is a stereotype out there that ALL African Americans are like that, and it simply isn’t true. Also, my parents were born in Nigeria, which I guess is another factor that makes me culturally different. Anyways, like you, at first I took it as a compliment, but when it sunk in, I realized that this comment was 1) racist and 2) just overall insulting. I didn’t let it bring me down, however. I am proud of my skin color, proud of my achievements, and even proud that I’m “classy enough.” And to add to that, I am still friends with the students who said that to me, as I’m sure she didn’t mean to insult me (and she told me something along those lines when she spoke to me about it). Another instance actually happened when I was in seventh grade (I’m a sophomore now). Basically, this Asian kid said to me, “Why do you talk like a white person?” I was extremely confused as to what he meant, and I told him so. He imitated some street gang Southern accent thing and asked me why I didn’t talk like that. I didn’t understand then (I told him I didn’t know), but I do now. That insult was probably mostly on purpose, but I’m sure the person who said that to you didn’t necessarily mean to insult you, but because of the media and all the cultural stereotypes (just go on Twitter and see all the racist jokes they have!), that was the most appropriate way for the person to tell you that you’re intelligent. If these comments persist, you should really talk to the person about how it makes you feel. But you ARE an intelligent person, and do NOT compare yourself to others. You really don’t need to take 4-6 AP courses in order to get into a good college, and I believe that it’s commendable to know your limits and not take a bunch of AP courses just for the sake of looking advanced. Most people don’t take AP classes in ninth grade. In my school, most AP classes have a pre-req that you MUST take or else they won’t let you in the class and basically prevents you from taking an AP course earlier than eleventh grade (probably the only AP courses you can take beforehand are AP European History and AP US History). Plus, all of our advanced science courses are IB rather than AP (actually, the only AP classes we have left are AP math courses, AP English courses, and AP history courses), and so it’s just not advisable to take them earlier as it can skew your IB Diploma (if you choose to get one). Colleges can NOT penalize you for the limits of the school you went to. And I know I told you a whole bunch of information you never wanted to know, but seriously—don’t overthink that comment. And as I said before, do NOT compare yourselves to others.
Your friend may be smart and gifted in school, but she clearly lacks sensitivity with race IMO. However, I don’t think that it was intentional in any way. She’s just ignorant of this.
I, just like @Hamlon, am black, and I get comments everyday about how I’m an “oreo” and the smartest/most well spoken/whitest/most asian black person people have ever seen. And just like you, I sort of took them as compliments at first, as if they represented my hard work and academic and extracurricular accomplishments. I only realized a short while after how incredibly racist those comments were - they were essentially saying that having positive attributes (speaking “properly”, all A’s, high test scores, etc.) makes you white or asian. The reverse is also implied - negative attributes are connected with being black. Your experience is exactly the same, only it’s on an even higher level with asians being put above whites.
What I usually do with these subtly racist comments is just ignore them. I choose not to let them hurt me in any way, especially because the person who says them usually doesn’t mean any harm, he/she just doesn’t realize the implications of their comments because of how accepted certain stereotypes have become.
But just take a moment to reflect on the fact that you have so much tenacity and self-determination. You clearly know what you want to be doing, and you’re accomplished in your extracurricular activities. Don’t compare yourself to the super overachieving asians on the math team because you’re just as hardworking and overachieving, qualities that don’t depend at all on your race but rather on your personality and work ethic.
Asian people can be quite racist sometimes, and I say this as an Asian person. They’ve often been pushed since childhood and look at themselves as “better” than people of other races. It’s partly because people often buy into their own stereotypes, but honestly, your race has nothing to do with anything. The person you met has probably bought into some extremely harmful stereotypes, which isn’t okay at all, but honestly, you don’t need to feel bad compared to them. There will always be people who live on fumes and take 5000 AP courses and stuff. That doesn’t mean they have a better chance of getting into a top college than you. Work on making yourself unique. You’re building up your courseload, you’re working hard. And to be honest, there’s no need for that person to have taken an AP course in eighth freaking grade. People at my school take their first AP courses junior year and still get into Ivy Leagues–they don’t fare any worse than the uber-nerds (people like the person you mentioned).
Thank you for all the replies. It’s nice to know that others understand and experience the same type of situations. 