I find it incredibly self-centered when my H refers to our house, our children, etc.,as his when I am with him. We are partners, legally, emotionally, physically. When he refers to our creations as his, I think it reflects on our relationship and his feelings about the partnership.
He has refered to “our” house when telling a story about his childhood. He actually meant his parents house of which he has no ownership in at all. But the house we own together as married partners is his?
Go one step further- my/ours when discussing one’s parent with siblings present/on phone. Oops- I say my father but need to remember the our when talking to my sister et al. Awkward. Context.
My car/your car- and then we know which one we’re using (and one in each name).
Pet peeve of mine is when H asks if he can have one of my- food item. I keep telling him just because I bought it it is ours (it actually likely was his money used) even if I am the one who usually eats the item. I guess it takes more than 30 years to train a husband.
I’ve never noticed. Technically, just about everything we own was bought by me before our marriage. The car, the house, etc. I’ve never noticed what he calls it and frankly, I don’t care. I couldn’t imagine him caring either.
I do refer to “my salary” because it is mine. The money that comes from it though is our money.
On the other hand, I am very clear about the fact that the dog is mine when she behaves and his when she’s a brat 
Our house, our yard, our driveway, etc. My car. His Jeep. Our sons. His money, my money soon to unite into our money.
mom2collegekids practice, mentioned in #15, makes perfect sense to me. If the spouse is present, then the reference is logically to “our” x. On the other hand, if the spouse is not present, then “our” would most logically refer to a person or thing that is joint with the other people who are present. So “my” makes more sense there, in reference to children, a house, a vacation . . .
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Pet peeve of mine is when H asks if he can have one of my- food item. I keep telling him just because I bought it it is ours (it actually likely was his money used) even if I am the one who usually eats the item. I guess it takes more than 30 years to train a husband.
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@wis75 Oh wis75, don’t complain when an H is being thoughtful. Even if the food is technically “ours” the idea that he’s making sure that you weren’t counting on eating that item. Very thoughtful.
Everything is ours in our household except for his and my 401k. We used to drive separate cars, so technically his and her car. But now it’s ours or the kid’s cars.
Never really thought about or noticed it until now. I usually refer to our kids as “my kids” except when H is present–then they’re “ours.” When they misbehave or exhibit undesirable traits–which, without exception, were inherited from his side of the family ;)-- they’re HIS kids. I take care of the house and yard, so he refers to them as mine, probably because he doesn’t want to be responsible for any of it. Most of our income is his, but he never says that. I wouldn’t really care if he said “MY money”–unless he used that as an excuse to spend freely on himself while restricting my spending, which is never the case.
When your spouse is standing next to you, it should be “our” house. Not just to be polite, but because by social convention you’re including them in the conversation. If you say “my house” you’re excluding them, speaking/acting as if they aren’t there and are not invited to chime in on the subject of “my house”.
Not *my * kitchen nor *my * laundry room.
When I’m speaking to my husband and children I say “our” house, but if I’m talking to friends I only use “our” if my husband or one of our children is present because it seems more grammatically correct. But in their hearing, I say “our.”
It would be interesting to know if that speech pattern affects how people react if the marriage ends in divorce. Do the people who spend decades wandering about referring to everything as “mine” have a harder time dividing assets equitably?
It is taking me a while to say “my kids,” “my apartment,” “I decided…” For so long it was always we, ours and us.
It might also be interesting to look at the impact of divorce on the words people use from the point of view of the kids.
My parents split up when I was 9. I don’t think of them as a unit. It isn’t natural for me to refer to “my parents” because I don’t think of them that way. I think of them as two separate individuals. However, I use the term “my parents” because people expect it. People who ask me a question about my parents (e.g., “Did your parents make you do a lot of chores when you were growing up?”) don’t want to know that the answer to that question was different at my father’s house than it was at my mother’s house. They just want a quick answer. Even my own children don’t understand that growing up as a member of two households is fundamentally different from growing up in one household.
My husband’s parents split up when he was in college. He has always referred to them as “my parents” because he thought of them as a unit even when they no longer were. His was a very different experience.
If I’m having a conversation with someone as an individual, I would say “my” house. If I said “our” the other person may not know who I am referring to which seems slightly presumptuous to me if I have not defined that I live with my husband, kids, etc. English is a funny language, in conversation “our” can imply yourself and the person you are speaking with. If my husband were with me I would say “our” but I wouldn’t be offended if he said “my”.
This never crossed my mind. I’m not sure if it’s because we both use the appropriate terminology all the time or because be just both know what we mean. The things I know are:
my roses
my grill
my car
my chair
my books
his truck
his boat
his chair
his fly tying room
my check
his check
our money
I have no idea how either of us refer to our kids or house and the pets both officially belong to our son :o3
She is definitely “your dog” when she’s barking and needs to come in or when it’s pouring rain and she needs her walk.