When I’m speaking with friends I may use the phrase “my house” and my husband strenuously objects since its OUR house. He feels disenfranchised when I use that phrasing. I generally haven’t noticed until it’s pointed out to me which expression I used. How do you refer to what you have or what your family has?
I’m not sure what I say with regard to jointly owned possessions, but friends have criticized me for referring to our grown children as “my son” and “my daughter” instead of “our” son or daughter.
This criticism may be valid.
In most cases I would refer to those things as “ours”, but in some cases I might refer to our house as mine. For instance, if I’m out for a walk on our street, and run into a new neighbor, I’ll introduce myself, and then maybe point down the street and say, “That’s “my” house.”
My clothes
My car
My jewelry
My car
H’s car
D’s car
and so on based largely on possession and usage. It would be odd otherwise.
Our D - except when she is being ornery, then it’s “your D”
Our house
Our furniture
Our money/assets
If H referred to our house as “his house” in front of me, I’d probably give him a quick whack and remind him that “What’s mine is mine and what’s your is ours.” 
I struggle with this. It’s “our” house by legal ownership; it feels like “my” house because since my husband “temporarily” moved out, I am responsible for everything here. Lately, I’ve been tending back toward “our” because we do have children, and they still feel like members of my family.
I could care less. My wife owns everything house-wise, I guess, as that is how she acts. I fine with that, as long as her “my” thoughts do not extend to the hi-speed toys. And interesting, she does use “your” in all those cases, even though she owns half of the toys as well. Well, one is not really a toy, since it has serious utility, but still, she says “your,” not “ours” when referring to it.
Context - when with Hubby, seems natural that it is “ours”. When I’m by myself - “my”. A close friend was unexpectedly widowed a few years ago. Many conversations with her now include “my” and “I” whereas before I would more naturally have said “our” and “we”.
Thanks for the context.
However, it is “my house” for my wife even when I am around. Again, I am fine with that, as the legal papers stipulate “ours.” Therefore, she can say “my” all she wants for I am not disenfranchised in the least because it means zilch in the real world. So, she can have at it, if it makes her happy.
I get mad at my husband for the same thing. I feel that when I am with him, he should refer to the house and children as “ours”. When he’s by himself he is welcome to use the term “mine”. I do the same. In the company of my husband I will use the turn “ours” but seems awkward if, when by myself, someone asks about the ages of the children, for example. Then I will say “my son is…” When someone asks where I live, I don’t say “we live in…” if I’m alone at the time.
When one of the kids gets in hot water, he suddenly becomes YOUR son…
My husband uses “my” and “mine” in this context and it bugs me. He says it makes sense because he doesn’t share the house or kids with the random person he is talking to. Of course that’s true, but I feel, at least when I’m standing there, the correct usage is “our.” (The random person isn’t likely to be confused by that, so I don’t see why the “my” is necessary.) Then there is the issue that he knows it bugs me and he still does it. Hmmm…
Wow, it’s shocking to me that so many husbands w their wives standing right next to them, will say “my house”.
It speaks volumes about the husband…
I am occasionally confused by this:
When only the husband works but the wife works inside the home, if the husband says “my income” instead of “our income” when his spouse is around, is it offensive to his spouse? She also works hard at home so it is not fair to say she does not contribute to the family, even financially (e.g., she cooks so that they save money by not having to eat out often.)
I have never noticed what my husband refers to when he talks about the house. Never occurred to me.
But it does annoy me when a relative refers to the money she earns as her money and the money that he earns as their money. She has separate accounts for “her” money for her and a joint account for their money that it seems that she spends freely from lol.
We each drive our own cars, but officially one is owned by my business. We dont call it “the company car”. Its sort of a “who cares”. That said-- we refer to “the house” and picking up “the dry cleaning”. Sort of non ownership, even if they are “his shirts” at the cleaners. When I talked about my parents, even in teh rare occasion I was around my _)@#$)^&^$)*%+. brother, I’d slip into saying “my mom” or “my dad” because he was never a part of anything. Oops.
When alone with friends, I tend to say “my”…but when H is there, then I say, “our”.
When one particular pet does something naughty, then I say, “your.”
I do notice that many women tend to say, “my kitchen,” and H’s seem to be fine with that.
I am shocked that so many people can be offended so easily. No wife or husband is truly trying to “steal” a house, a car, or a child. Probably not trying to take all the credit for the raising of the child either. I can’t recall how I speak, whether I use “my” or “our” or probably a combination of both.
My mom used to chide my dad when he talked about their investments. He often used the words, “my”. Mom would remind him that those investments were “theirs.”
It may seem like a small matter, but mom was pretty investment savvy, so it would bother her that dad would sometimes sell and buy stocks without telling her…as if they were his alone. It probably was a generational thing.
The only time I get annoyed with DH is when I’m with him and he tells someone, “I’m an engineer and have my own company.” Uh, excuse me, technically, the company is in MY name, so at least say, “My wife and I are engineers and have our own company,” I guess I should tell him how I feel, though!
@powercropper, I think it only bothers those spouses who are either consciously or subconsciously aware of other troublesome issues in the relationship.
I know of one woman who used my when discussing items that were jointly owned and it annoyed me because I observed countless situations that indicated she had no respect for her husband.