<p>I can obviously recover, but it doesn’t mean I will want to go visit as soon as I get the chance. Even if I did love France, I’d want to visit other countries before I went back.</p>
<p>My D is the same way- she has been to the Netherlands, Costa Rica, UK, Ghana, UAE & India. She loved Africa & India, but next up she is planning Ecuador & Australia. ;)</p>
<p>I guess she can’t visit Israel now though! :(</p>
<p>Your update sounds as shaken up about the antiSemitism of the Dad and grandfather as their poor ability to host you. Since no other posters have replied on that aspect yet, I will. I’m not trying to geek you up, because you had the experience. I just want to say I thought it was a significant problem and I’m sorry it happened to you in 2011. I would imagine it felt awful and you had no recourse, when staying in their home – which you said was once occupied by Nazis. Shudder.</p>
<p>Honestly, the part of your story that troubled me the most was how the Dad talked to you about the gravestones at Omaha Beach. HE didn’t think there should be any Jewish stars on the headstones?! It’s an American cemetery. We bury soldiers according to the symbols they state (to the Army) on their dogtags, stamped in WWII either “C” (Catholic), “P” (Protestant) or “H” (Hebrew). </p>
<p>But HE didn’t think there should be any Jewish stars on the gravesites? OK, thoughts are free…but he said that…knowing your Dad was Jewish? C’mon. He was a total jerk. </p>
<p>When you continue into your college studies, you have mentioned your interest in Holocaust Studies. Just keep this experience in mind, as it is informative that someone as young as this Dad still holds those ideas. Have you seen the movie “Sarah’s Key” yet? If it doesn’t re-upset you too much, you might find it interesting. Put in historic perspective, the grandfather was around when the Jews were rounded up into the Paris stadium by the Vichy government and shipped off to camps. The father was too young to remember that first-hand, but the grandfather surely grew up hearing about the war years in France, if he was 75 or older.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, if this story happened as recounted (and I am not saying it didn’t happen, but it is so bizarre it boggles the mind) then the kid ran into some seriously twisted people, which is unfortunate. Some of what he writes comes off as true in one sense, the french tend to be heavy smokers and even kids do and no one bats an eye at it, the culture around smoking there is way behind the times compared to a lot of europe (and the US). And yes, the French can be arrogant jerks, it tends to be the Parisians IMO, but they are also snotty towards the rest of france, too. Anti semitism? Not exactly unknown in France, despite what they claim, and all you have to do is look at the track record of the French under the Nazis (for one thing, that the myth of the french underground heroically resisting the Nazis was in many ways that, very few French “heroically” resisted the Nazis) or read about the Dreyfus Affair to figure that out, and anti semitism has flared in france in recent years, and it isn’t just the north african Muslim immigrants… but there are also those fighting such attitudes as well. </p>
<p>That said, though, try not to judge the whole country by that, it would be like judging the US by the attitudes of rednecks or other types of bigots…You will find idiots all over the world if you travel, and living in the Metro Atlanta area you know that many of the same ills you see overseas can be seen on your own doorstep. </p>
<p>I agree with others, you should report what happened to the host organization and let them know how bad the experience was, so they don’t subject someone else to the same thing.</p>
<p>jvtDad, the analogy is not quite right. It’s like trying boeuf bourguignon and then deciding you don’t like beef!</p>
<p>Visiting another country, and esp living with a family, can/should be a rich experience, but it’s not always easy, and more so if the family has had little/no experience with foreigners and/or traveled much themselves. There’s always culture shock which is harder for some people to adjust to than others, but it usually gets easier the more you travel. It’s unfortunate OP seemed to have had the perfect storm of a really obnoxious (and atypical) host family, a last minute change, linguistic difficulties, travel difficulties, etc. Hopefully, the next trip–wherever it is–will go much more smoothly.</p>
<p>The 16 year old kid also said things about the Nazi’s which were really unsettling. He didn’t consider any German soldier part of the Nazi’s. I know that not all the soldiers were, but Hitler was obviously the ringleader. He only considered the SS and the like the only problems of Germany. According to him it was “German soldiers” who stayed in the home when it was really just the Nazi’s. As someone who is half Jewish, I was very hurt by the comments on a personal level. The reasoning the father thought that all the to tombstones should be a cross is for unity. He said all the English/etc cemeteries are all crosses (I don’t know if this is true), so the American cemeteries should have just crosses too. I’m like but not everyone in America is Christian. He was just very stubborn and rude and elitist for that matter. The mansion they lived in was hundreds of years old. </p>
<p>The grandfather was there during WW2. The 16 year old said he didn’t like the Nazi’s, but I’m sure he didn’t like the Jews either. I only really met his grandfather once even though they lived in the same home, he seemed nice enough but the kid told me he is a racist. Then the kid was telling me how his parents don’t like gays/lesbians. As someone who has been raised Catholic, I’ve been taught not to judge others on things like that. The family lives in a small village of 99 people in Picardy which is in the middle of no where, fields and fields of nothing. I liked Brittany a lot more, but not much to do there either. At least we had the beach even though the water was 50 degrees. The grandfather didn’t know any Jews in WW2 and it didn’t seem like the family knew any today either. The father did mention how much he dislikes the North African immigrants and thinks France has a bigger immigration problem then the US. His reasoning is that Mexicans are white and they will easily fit into American society, but the Africans won’t fit into French society. When I was at a train station in the suburbs of Paris, I was told not to glance at anyone or I’d be punched. </p>
<p>I’ve not seen Sarah Key’s, but I knew about the anti-Semitic problems in France before going. There is one famous politician in France right now who is a Holocaust denier. Although, the kid agreed it happened but was not very compassionate. He kept on saying he knew was more about history then me, it was funny. It’s really why I would like to teach people about Holocaust Studies because many people have no knowledge of it. I interviewed a Holocaust survivor when I was 16 and it was one of the best experience of my life. Also, the whole sex/drug/drinking problem with the kids bothered me. It was the only thing they would take about (in French and English). </p>
<p>I actually really want to go to Denmark, it’s the happiest country in the world. Or maybe I’m better off going to Italy where I’m half Italian.</p>
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<p>And you know this how? Presumably they know more about who was quartered in their home than you do. If the kid says it was the Wehrmacht, what reason do you have to say he was wrong? Not to mention the fact that you seem to think that the Germans were there as invited guests. I very much doubt that the family had any say in the matter, and I doubt that they were happy about having their home taken over by an invading army. As to who was and was not a Nazi, I would never minimize Naziism and anti-Semitism in German society in that era or in any way whitewash the horror of the Holocaust, but are you aware of the attempt to assassinate Hitler carried out by ARMY officers? The situation, regarding the professional officer corps at least, may have been more nuanced than you think. Maybe the kid DOES know more about European history than you do.</p>
<p>There is no doubt that there is plenty of anti-semitism in Europe in general, and in France in particular, both historically and now.</p>
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<p>You cite this in the middle of a description of the grandfather’s reported racism as if it was also their “fault” that they lived in the country and there wasn’t, according to you, enough to do.</p>
<p>I’m sorry that you had such a bad experience, but frankly, it doesn’t sound to me as if you were really ready for it. Hopefully your next experience abroad will be better.</p>
<p>The kid is very cocky and conceited. He thinks he is the best at everything. The family didn’t have a choice when the Nazi’s came to live with them, but the point was that the kids didn’t consider anyone but the SS Nazi’s. I have a lot of knowledge about the Holocaust and I am aware about the attempts to assassinate Hitler, but these people didn’t even know any Jews during this time period. They live in a small village (even smaller back then). </p>
<p>They did not take me many places compared to everyone else. I was mistreated and took offense to a lot of their comments. I hope my next abroad is better too. But I will use the France trip as a precaution.</p>
<p>I think what sort of experience you have depends much on your preparation and what you expect. You can’t change how others treat you but you can change how you react. Travel is an opportunity that many people don’t have. Even if you didn’t have the experience you hoped for, to become resentful about it at such a young age doesn’t bode well for future trips. Perhaps travel around the US some more since not speaking the language posed such difficulty for you.
Life is short! Loosen up & have a good time!</p>
<p>I really prepared 8 months for this trip. I actually was very nice to the family despite my treatment, but if this happened to me in America, I probably wouldn’t have been so nice. I actually love to travel and I cannot wait to go a year abroad in college. This trip also helped prepare me for college as well! :)</p>
<p>You might have felt you were prepared, but from what you say I don’t think you were. I would fault the organization that sent you-- my kids both traveled abroad with well-esstablished groups that specialize in foreign exchanges (AFS, YFU) – so we are very familiar with the process. It’s a cultural exchange, done for the experience – not a vacation – and high school students need to be ready to deal with issues such as culture clash and different expectations of student and host family. It’s a good option for youngsters who are resilient, self-reliant, and open to adventure – but not the best option for a kid who simply would like to travel and see the sights of a foreign country.</p>
<p>I’ve hosted several foreign exchange students. Two stand out.</p>
<p>One was mature, spoke English well, and was open to new experiences and willing and able to discuss all kids of things, including potentially sensitive topics such as the history of his nation during WWII (he was Swiss), how his family members viewed it, how others viewed the “neutrality” of Switzerland during that time, the then-current flood of refuges from the Balkans, and so on. We also talked a lot about US history and politics, the war in Iraq and Afghanistan, etc. (I took him to a seder at a friend’s house, btw, which was particularly educational for him since he didn’t know any Jews at home.)</p>
<p>The other was 16, spoke only rudimentary English, was not ready to leave his family and friends, found it difficult to make friends here, took offense at many things said to him by other students that I don’t think were intended to be insulting, did not take advantage of opportunities to participate in activities with other students OR our family, clung to whatever Korean-speakers he could find locally, did not take the obvious steps to improve his English, such as watching American TV or listening to American music (instead limiting himself to Korean programming via the computer we provided him with), changed his course selections to minimize his English skill development and cling to other foreign exchange students, and mightily ticked me off by sneaking cigarettes in our house, despite being clearly told on Day 1 that it was not allowed. He–and his family, obviously–blatantly lied about his being a smoker on his personal forms. Apparently they expected him to just quit cold turkey when he arrived. I felt very sorry for the poor kid, and did everything I could to help him.</p>
<p>Maturity is the key thing.</p>
<p>It is also my observation that some organizations are well-organized, such as YFU, while the agency that dealt with the Korean kid was misrepresenting many things to both his parents and to us.</p>
<p>I did everything on my side to prepare for it, but I would agree that the organization did not. I think that they got me a family last minute. Also, the majority of the people that go are girls so there are not as many families with guys willing to host. I was going for a cultural experience. I’ve always wanted to go to Europe. I was very nice to the host family, I brought gifts as well. But going with family or friends to Europe probably would have been more fun. I really wanted to do more sight-seeing. I never really went to learn French, I went for the experience. Also, this wasn’t a year long program it was just three weeks. But it was the longest three weeks of my life!</p>
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Even the well-organized ones have these glitches. My son went to Thailand with AFS, but the chaperone didn’t show up for the overseas air flight; the kids had to manage a plane change in Tokyo on their own; and my son’s host family had grossly misrepresented their financial status. (The hosting forms said they lived in a large house with a swimming pool – they were dirt poor, didn’t even have a kitchen sink, the bathroom had a faucet and 2 buckets, and they had to move one of their kids to a relative’s house to make room for my son. My son was delighted - seriously. Definitely had some great stories to tell when he came home). </p>
<p>When my daughter went to Russia with YFU, she was supposed to live with a host family in Sochi, but found out 3 weeks before departure that she would be with another family in a small town near Moscow. I was very glad of that change later on, because the day my daughter flew into Moscow, 2 planes flying from Moscow to Sochi were shot down by terrorists – my d. would have been making a Moscow/Sochi connection if the original plans had been adhered to, though on a different airline. My d. was there for about 4 months, and I think that she had a very good placement, but she did not get along well with her host mom. My d. was 16 and ended up doing a lot of bar hopping and drinking – it would have been hard for me as a parent if I hadn’t been well aware before she left of the role that vodka plays in Russian culture. When my d. returned she had to make a connection at O’Hare in Chicago where she had to clear customs with heavy luggage and then get to another terminal within 40 minutes – YFU was supposed to provide an escort, but that person was also a no-show. Amazingly, d. managed to catch her plane. </p>
<p>That’s just the way it works. I still think AFS & YFU are among the best organizations out there, but they rely heavily on volunteers to do hosting, escorting, chaperoning, etc. – and it really can be hit or miss. </p>
<p>Anyway… I think I’m blessed with the two most resilient kids on earth. Nothing seems to phase them. My daughter also has a wicked, self-deprecatory sense of humor so it’s also a lot of fun to hear the stories from her travel. </p>
<p>I’d say sense of humor is the most valuable trait – along with the ability to compartmentalize enough so that you can see the humor while at the same time dealing with whatever short-term catastrophe has arisen.</p>
<p>Good for your children! I am amazed of their trips and outcomes. I really think I did make the best of my trip in France though and of the train ride. I have no regrets. I was looking at a scholarship program to Finland with YFU, but decided to the France trip instead because it was cheaper and I knew I’d get in. I didn’t know anyone who didn’t get in, lol. This company is very small and is Atlanta based, the majority of the kids come from Georgia and few from TN and FL. You only had to take French I to do this trip. It costed $1,900 (including airfare), but not passport fees and spending money. It was my birthday and Christmas gift and I used some of my own money from my wallet. The YFU programs costed a lot of money and my parents couldn’t afford them. Do you know any summer programs abroad now that has a full scholarship of some sort? I’m interested in going to any Scandinavian country (top choice), the UK, Italy, Ireland, Australia, or New Zealand. It would have to be for a rising freshman in college. I may have missed a lot of deadlines already though if there are programs out there. That’s why I was looking at the birthright trip. Maybe it wouldn’t be best this summer since I’ll be starting college soon though.</p>
<p>Sometimes I think there are two kinds of travelers: those who enjoy the new experiences because they’re new experiences and those who want traveling to be like home, mostly.</p>
<p>I prefer to travel slowly. I like to be a minimum of three days in the same place; I love going back to the same places over and over. I take trains as much as possible. When traveling in the US, I almost always get the hamburger; in Italy, the pasta con funghi; in France, the poulet. In short, I have habits. I know I don’t respond well when I’m tired and things change, so I make backup plans in advance, and I have plan A, plan B, and plan C.</p>
<p>It took me many years to know these things about myself. When I traveled with friends in my twenties, I could never understand why I’d get so upset when they were “spontaneous” and did something without planning way ahead. It wasn’t their failing! </p>
<p>In short, earlycollege, I think you are blaming France, the family, and the organization for something in yourself. Instead of placing blame, I think you might want to look at where things felt wrong and see how you could have changed your own response. </p>
<p>In every situation, you are not going to be able to change someone else; it is relatively simple to change your response. For example, the Germans that were housed in your homestay house? What an opportunity to learn about history as it took place! “Tell me more about what happened around here, I’ve only heard the American side, not the French side. What happened to the Jews that were here before the war, did any of them return?” </p>
<p>Instead of talking about what you already know (or think you know), take advantage of the opportunity to see the world as they see it.</p>
<p>And, calmom, how wonderful that your son could see the good side of someone who wanted so much to host an American that they would lie in order to make that possible!</p>
<p>I am talking to someone from AFS and there is a full scholarship available for a summer program. [Kennedy-Lugar</a> Youth Exchange and Study (YES) Program](<a href=“http://exchanges.state.gov/youth/programs/yes.html]Kennedy-Lugar”>http://exchanges.state.gov/youth/programs/yes.html)
[YES</a> Abroad Scholarship](<a href=“http://www.afsusa.org/study-abroad/scholarships/yes-abroad/]YES”>http://www.afsusa.org/study-abroad/scholarships/yes-abroad/)</p>
<p>What do you guys think?</p>
<p>I think some of the respondents are being a little harsh here! While the OP may have had some expectations of this trip that were not likely to be met…perhaps they were because of the way the organizer promoted the experience. If I had an experience similar to his, it would take me a while to visit that country again…even though I know all French people are not like the ones he met. (I had a wonderful semester abroad with a family in France a number of years ago, and have visited France since that trip, and look forward to going again!)</p>
<p>This kid was not in a situation like home or college, where you can walk away from behavior you don’t like and find another group of friends. He was placed with a family in a foreign country for 3 weeks. The kids in the family seemed to have a completely different set of values than his. </p>
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<p>So? Should the OP have expected to go to France and find a bunch of people who were indistinguishable from the residents of his region of Georgia? Personally, I do not regard pot smoking as some kind of heinous activity. Chalk it up to attending college in the 70s. :rolleyes: </p>
<p>How one reacts to such situations is within one’s own control. It sounds as if he made a lot of negative assumptions based on his very limited life experience. Yes, it sounds as if the family was inconsiderate in several ways. But the OP was completely unable to deal with it. He was a young kid in over his head.</p>