<p>Boys in HS are too immature so I wouldn’t be too worried if your D hasn’t dated before she goes to college. My S went to an all-male high school and I “pressured” my S to go to his senior prom because I thought it’s an experience that he would have regretted if he hadn’t gone. I felt sorry for his date because he was hanging more with his guy friends more than with his date but he said she had a lot of friends at the prom since many girls from her all girl high school were there. He never saw her again after the prom but I made him send her prom pictures after wards.</p>
<p>Can she go to proms in groups without dates? It’s very popular here.</p>
<p>Ha, ha. My boys have been prom gigolos, providing dates for any number of friends. In this area, if a girl cannot find a date for her senior prom, the moms fix her up. I have been asked a number of times about my sons’ availability. However, at my son’s school, kids can go as singletons, and a bunch of them do each year. My son nearly did (yeah, all of those dates he had for THEIR proms, and he says he has no one to ask).</p>
<p>I was raised thinking that the most important thing in life was to be paired up. Relatives would ask me if I had a boyfriend ever since I was in kindergarten.</p>
<p>I married someone that I loved- but probably wouldn’t have married if I had, had the confidence to get to know myself first. ( I married the boy I had been dating since I was 18 & was married in my early 20’s)</p>
<p>I have observed that often those I know where I would consider their relationships to be happy, often did not date a lot in high school or college- they did things more as a group and got to know others on a deeper level before pairing off.
That is what I want for my kids.</p>
<p>I have learned that the boys/men, who are less confident/ (less arrogant), are more likely to be worth knowing. There isn’t anything wrong with going to the prom with friends or asking a date yourself. This is 2009- it is OK for girls to ask boys out.( despite the boy who apparently already has control issues if he turned girls down, just because they asked him first)</p>
<p>I have also noticed that it is a handicap to be exceptionally good looking ( not speaking from personal experience lol) However- while I have only recently accepted that I am " cute" instead of " sultry", I can say now that I had an amazing body when I was in high school. Unfortunately, although my behavior did not reflect that I was " advanced sexually", wishful thinking or envy started rumors about me, that I couldn’t stop and were very painful once I realized what was being said.</p>
<p>High school is a very self concious time and everything seems to matter * so much*
If only we could help these kids get out of their heads for a while and see there is a big world out there.</p>
<p>Actually, I’m not sure the boy had “control” issues as much as perhaps he just wanted to ask my D. We’ll never know but he was graceful in declining & allowed everyone to remain friends hard feelings, among the three girls involved, which is no mean feat for HS! D had a nice time at the prom with the large group of friends which included both of the girls that had been turned down by her date. I’m glad none of them were into “romance” and none did any “trash-talking” about each other’s dates.</p>
<p>It is very hurtful when nasty rumors are spread. I was the subject of a few and I was very embarrassed when I realized they were circulating and that some may actually believe them! HS was a challenging time for me & I’m glad D made some truly amazing friends in the process. S is making some good friends now in college, as he didn’t make deep friends in HS–was absent too often & it was “out of sight, out of mind.”</p>
<p>And there are times that boys brag that they’ve had sex with a girl, when in reality nothing happened at all. This happened to a friend of mine when she was in high school, and she was still so annoyed about it many years later that when she saw that the guy was going to be attending her 30th high school reunion, she was tempted to go up to him and say something to embarrass him. She didn’t, though.</p>
<p>At the high school I went to back in the early 1970’s (a private high school in New York City), they had eliminated the prom several years before I graduated. It was seen as old-fashioned and retrograde. Another reason, I suspect, is that 90% of the seniors every year had never been on a date with anyone. The attendance would have been extremely sparse if they’d had one my year; I know that.</p>
<p>I never dated in high school or college, and was in my mid-20’s before I began to go out with a few people. Not surprising, given how extraordinarily shy I was, not to mention other things. (I certainly didn’t mention them!)</p>
<p>My son didn’t have any kind of social life in high school either, and didn’t go to the prom. The dating pool isn’t large when you’re one of the few out gay kids in a small suburban high school, and there’s nobody but straight boys to get hopeless crushes on, and you end up being the “gay boyfriend” of all your girl friends, and their confidante about their relationship issues. I’m hoping that he’ll find someone to spend time with himself now that he’s in college. Unlike me at his age, he has the great advantage of being happy about himself and liking himself and being proud of who he is. He very much deserves to find someone, and anyone would be lucky to have him! (I don’t think he has yet, though, at least from what I can tell from how he describes his friends. But I try not to nag him too much about providing me with a grandchild!)</p>
<p>OP. You got to wait for that person who can appreciate Brains and Beauty, together. If not, then sometimes, one has to play one of the attributes. Personally, I took a club to DW. She OTOH played the extortion gambit. :)</p>
This was my reaction, too. In my kids’ high school, prom was a group activity. Although there were some established couples and some boys who invited girls as their dates, most of the kids were unattached and the girls just worked out among themselves who would go with whom (as friends.) The boys basically went along with whatever the girls decided. I thought it was nice that everyone who wanted to attend just went as friends rather than romantic couples.</p>
<p>OP’s daughter’s school may be more traditional about the dating situation, but encourage her to discuss prom with her friends next year and they may be able to help her out. It’s unfortunate that OP’s daughter felt bad about missing out. Having guy friends is better and more important in my opinion than dating in high school.</p>
<p>“The boys basically went along with whatever the girls decided”.</p>
<p>LOL, this is what I remember from my son’s experience. One year, there was ONE girl who was clearly in charge, pairing up boys and girls, arranging transportation, setting times, advising on dress. She would post updates and call everyone with specific instructions. She hosted a pre-prom party at her house with all of her “charges”.
I was amazed. Everything went well though…this girl is going somewhere.</p>
<p>I would listen and sympathize. To a girl in her situation, it’s sad and unfair. But remind her of all the great stuff that she DOES have going for her! There are plenty of girls in a similar situation who may not be as bright or as physically attractive, and whose ‘prospects’ are not as promising. With a couple more years of hindsight to add perspective, it will NOT seem like a big deal. But yes, I remember those days, and can sympathize! I think in our day it was a bit easier because the majority did not attend, and it just seemed like much less a big deal back then. In some places it sounds like proms have gotten a bit out of control.</p>
<p>S1 was the quiet type in HS. He went to his senior prom because he felt he should, and asked a lovely girl from his (coed) sports team. He liked the girl and had a decent time, but would also be the first to tell you that he thinks proms are overrated and overpriced.</p>
<p>Yea, the boys in my D’s “circle” are pretty much “accessories” and “pals” rather than any serious romantic interest. The boys and girls are all good friends. Some of them do take charge and organize everything, including the pre-prom and post-prom parties, helping pair those who have difficulty getting dates, etc. It seems a nice group event and D sounds like she had a LOT more fun at her proms that I recall having at any of those I attended back in the day, one-on-one.</p>
<p>" Being popular correlates with being skilled at popularity skills. Those skills include manipulating other people. So, yeah, being popular correlates with being nasty to those lower on the totem pole, because that’s how you get popular"</p>
<p>Cardinal Fang, it seems your experiences are entirely different from mine. I have not observed popular girls being nasty or manipulative. I have observed them being outgoing, friendly, and clever enough to amuse others and carry on interesting conversations. And being good looking is a genetic fluke.</p>
<p>No one deserves to have ugly rumours told about her. Even if she has somehow earned your disapproval by being social and pretty.</p>
<p>Nobody asked my D to the Senior prom and she’s a little too shy to ask someone she doesn’t know really well. She ended up going with 7 of her girlfriends. They bought each other corsages, rented a limo, danced their heads - and other parts - off and came back to our home for an all-nighter.
(Franky, I was relieved that H and I didn’t have to deal with the co-ed sleepover.) The girls looked totally beat when they woke and were glad they didn’t have to see any guys at that hour.</p>
<p>“(Franky, I was relieved that H and I didn’t have to deal with the co-ed sleepover.”</p>
<p>Why would there have needed to have been a co-ed sleepover? I don’t have friends whose kids do things like that. I know some parents allow their kids to do such sleepovers, but that hasn’t been the case with my sons’ friends, and even if it had been, I wouldn’t have let my kids participate. To me, it’s a recipe for trouble.</p>
<p>To the OP, guys are probably intimidated. I went until the very end of senior year without so much as anyone flirting with me. The only reason I snagged a boyfriend at all was because my best friend set us up. But I found out that the reason I never had a date in high school was because people were too intimidated by me… That made me laugh. I’m not an intimidating person at all.</p>
<p>And I went to prom and I wish I didn’t. First of all, it was way too expensive. And I still haven’t spoken to a few people who used to be good friends who were in my limo, after I hit one girl’s date in the face because he threatened to rape two of my friends. Prom causes drama… best to avoid that.</p>
<p>I have a son, no daughters, unfortunately. I am also a female. </p>
<p>And no, I have never known a girl or woman to make up something nasty about a pretty girl.</p>
<p>But then I came of age in the era of feminism and went to a women’s college where women did not conceive of their purpose in life as competing for men.</p>