@zep6138 This sounds like a stressful situation for everyone. I recommend taking a step back and giving it some time. If he is the way you say he is, their relationship is not going to last for long.
While being patient, objectively re-evaluate situation, mostly your behavior. That may help you things in future if she keeps seeing him or finds someone else. We can’t control other people’s actions but we can control our reactions to make an extreme situation mild or at least moderate.
With so little info, I dont find it unusual that, at 18, she doesn’t want to focus (talk about?) on a career. Nor that, once out of hs, friendships change. We all can worry about a bf or any friend. But key, imo, is maintaining a solid relationship with our kids. It’s so different than when they were, say, 15.
The only controlling people I can see from the OP post is him and his wife. You can control your daughter and what goes on in your house. The BF or his mother doesn’t have to follow your rules outside of your house. What signs of abuse are you seeing other than your 18 year old daughter not caring about your opinion about her relationship?
It seems OP has left the discussion and no further discussion is really fruitful if he isn’t going to participate.
It’s terrible when the child-parent break occurs under bad circumstances. I am very sorry for the OP. There is no telling how this ends. Usually, but not always, the relationship will phase out. But sometimes not. This curve in what we see as our children’s paths and future can be a painful one. I wish the OP well.
Just wondering if this thread is for real. School’s out…
I must be the worst parent on CC.(don’t agree with me ?) So much I don’t agree with being said.
After reading the first post again and some others I agree the parents handled this situation the wrong way and most likely made it worse. Even though the daughter is 18 and legal doesn’t mean you don’t have influence over your kids no matter what age they are. My 90 year old mother will give me (58 male) some suggestions on raising my kids (20/22) and I don’t always like listening to the advice anymore then this 18 y/o does but I have learned that experience gives us knowledge. Also that the more he says no the more she will want whatever. Basic parenting skill 101.
Also I don’t think we are not getting the whole story from sitting down with the boy to having this cell number to text him and vice versa to talking with his parents and calling his daughter immature signals parental control influences. It also signals not having a trust relationship with his daughter of any type. This trust relationship needs to be built like now. This requires a sit down with his daughter and discussing how to frame that. He might be surprised what can be accomplished from that. She will definitely have suggestions how to make that work. But not having trust in your kids can lead to worse things in the future.
Kids will lie. Just a part of life and finding out who they are. But one thing I told my kids when they were young is that they can tell me “anything” as long as they don’t lie to me. I told them I would not get angry with them if they at least told me the truth. I might not “like” what they tell me but as long as it is the truth we can solve any issue.
I also told them that if they were anywhere and needed my help, I would come no questions asked. That might be 3:00 in the morning at a party that turned into serious “drug” party or being in an uncomfortable but maybe more serious situation, but just call and I will drop everything “if” needed.
We have had open conversations about many topics, religion, politics, drugs, sex (more on preventive measures) etc with both kids. Building trust and respect can’t just begin when something goes awry.
But one thing I won’t tolerate and needs to be pointed out is rudeness. The dad needs to point out to the girl if he is making comments that are negative to the father and about the mother then she needs to realize the way he talks about her and will eventually treat her will be the same.
I really think kids respect us more then we think. I used to love giving my daughter some advice and being told I don’t know what I am talking about only to have her give her friend the same exact advice like moments later on the phone. I just smile at those moments of kids discovering themselves.
This also seems like maybe a first real boyfriend and something the dad needs to get a bit used to.
Just an assumption.
But I don’t agree that just because they are 18 that they can be with whomever or wherever they want at anytime they want to etc. There are house and family rules in most households. Some states you can legally marry at 15/16. Anyone here game for that?
I really think as the kids “become” adults we have to help guide them to make the best decisions for themselves. That really relies on open communication. I think that is the starting block for this parent. I think he will find when he “talks” to his daughter and not “lectures” his daughter the outcomes might be more favorable