@kelsmom - I feel your pain (or more to the point, your daughter’s pain.) My D is getting married where she now lives, not in her hometown (sob), and for several reasons she wants to be married in a church. She grew up Presbyterian, her fiance grew up Catholic, and several of his close relatives are staunchly Catholic; D and her fiance found a beautiful Presbyterian church for the wedding (and if that’s STILL not enough for some of the relatives, well…)
I reminded her that they don’t HAVE to get married in a church, but they want to.
Anyway, they did find a reception venue that’s very close to the church (as in, you could walk from the church to the reception) – but she’s still talking about a limo to take older family members from the church to the reception.
I got to see the church and the reception venue for the first time this past weekend. Love the church but I’m a little less enthusiastic about the venue – it seems a little small to me, although D is convinced it’s fine (and she has the stats to prove it.) She limited her search for a venue to those places within a fifteen-minute drive of the church, and sometimes I wonder if that was unnecessarily restrictive. Nonetheless, it’s their decision, and they seem to love both places. I will keep my silly misgivings to myself!
Will Catholic priests still only marry you in a Catholic church? I know it was that way back when I got married but I’m not sure if they are more flexible now?
Remember they will be going to the venue in Friday PM traffic…allow more time. If they want to take photos after the ceremony and then head to the venue, I would estimate this may take 2 hours. Would you have hors d’oeuvre at the venue so the guests can sit and visit?
Will Catholic priests still only marry you in a Catholic church? I know it was that way back when I got married but I’m not sure if they are more flexible now? >>
Both the diocese where DD lives and the one where they were having the ceremony required an actual church. Same with my sister last year.
DDs ceremony was about 35 minutes from the reception site and from the hotel. They had a shuttle that left from the hotel after the ceremony and then took them back at the end of the evening. Church pictures were finished by the time most people went to the hotel from the church and the bride and groom got to the site shortly after the shuttle. They did more photos at the venue, but there was a cocktail hour and lawn games during that time.
My S and FDIL had to decide whether to change the date so our rabbi could marry them or find someone else. In the end, they decided on the latter and found a lovely woman who is a Jewish chaplain, not a rabbi, but someone who knows the bride’s mother. They met with her once already and she wants to see them a few more times. She sounds lovely – very interested in getting to know them so the ceremony can be as personal as possible. Though it would have been very special for our rabbi to be there, he already had a wedding scheduled when they chose their date. We will have an aufruf in our synagogue the day before the wedding (they’re getting married on Labor Day Sunday), so my S will be able to celebrate his next life cycle event in the same shul as he became a Bar Mitzvah. I think tears will begin the weekend celebration!
As for transportation considerations, we are having what I am now affectionately calling a 3 Borough wedding - hotel in Manhattan, rehearsal dinner in Brooklyn, and wedding in the Bronx. We’re suggesting taxis or Uber for guests to get to the dinner on Saturday evening and busses will be provided from the hotel to the wedding and back. A friend just suggested I check the Yankee schedule and yup, they’re playing Boston at home Sunday afternoon - we’ll be speaking to the bus company to avoid all roads near the stadium on the way to the wedding since we’ll be headed to the Bronx just as the game should be ending! Thank goodness for my baseball-fan friend for alerting me to this. I knew it was US Open weekend at the Tennis Centre, but hadn’t considered baseball.
And as for celebrating, I signed the contracts for the rehearsal dinner and the hotel block this past weekend! Yay!! Two things off my list.
Our church issues stem from the fact that FSIL’s parents are non-Latin-rite Catholics … they are first-generation in the U.S. They have always embraced D, even though they would dearly love it if their son had fallen in love with a woman from their own culture. Their religion is extremely important to them, as they were a religious minority in a Arabic country. D and FSIL want to get married in our church because D has been active in it all her life; FSIL was never involved in church in the way D was. So … the compromise is to get married in our church (by a male minister … there is only so much the in laws can handle). D feels it is important to the future in laws to do what they are doing.
She talked with her bridesmaids, who all assured her that everything sounds wonderful & it will all work out.
We have the venue and the church booked. We expect that there will be those who skip the ceremony, which will be relatively early, but that’s how it goes. A number of people live/work close to the church, so not everyone will need to go out of their way to get to the church. They are going to have a bus from the hotel (located within walking distance of the venue) to the church. There is free parking in a garage for the reception, so anyone who is closer to the venue can park there early & take the bus to/from the church. We’ll have water & snacks on the bus. There will be a little time between when the bus gets back to the hotel & when the reception starts, in order to allow for traffic, let people check into the hotel if they haven’t done so, etc - but people who aren’t staying in town can hang out in the hotel lobby or walk around outside - and the venue is within walking distance. There is a cocktail hour, which gives us extra time for pictures. I think it is all falling into place very nicely. The venue is next to the baseball field, but we won’t know if there will be a game until the MLB schedule comes out in September.
D is talking to photographers today, and then she will start on the flowers. Dress shopping is this month (with bridesmaids) and next month (with me).
Oh, and the date is the day of my school’s commencement (of which I am in charge). I love that day, but I love my D more. Everything is done in advance, and I have a very capable coworker who can manage the work required that day.
On the other hand, FIL’s 90th birthday is two days after the wedding. What a wonderful way for the whole family to celebrate together!
I swear, it’s going to give me a heart attack! Fortunately, venue and church are available the following weekend. Date is cleared with the future in laws. Crisis averted (and I can be at Commencement … and FIL will only have been 90 a few days, so the celebration can be integrated!).
@doschicos - The daughter of a childhood friend recently married in a Catholic ceremony at a popular local secular venue. She wrote to our bishop for a dispensation and it was granted - one of the few decent things he’s ever done, but I digress. Anyway, they will also co-officiate for other denominations if one of the parties is Catholic. My cousin got married in a Baptist church in a co-officiated ceremony.
Lovely…I haven’t even started thinking about a dress. Remind me again, in what kind of venue will your S and FDIL be married? I can’t get my FDIL to express her desire re: short or long for me and her mother.
S and fiancé are back to searching for a venue. After much thought they have decided that the place they fell in love with is beyond what they want to spend. They might still come back to it but they have begun searching again.
From the budget they showed us it looks like the MOB is not going to be able to contribute. That gives them the money we offered them and the rest is on them. It’s crazy as many of the venues are 10,000-12000 plus with out any food or anything else.
Open to suggestions from northern California down to about Thousand Oaks. Mixed religions so not open to any church venues.
Mine are getting married in an evening ceremony in an art gallery. She gave me the go ahead for whatever I wanted and it’s just such a bargain and fairly flattering on me. Wedding is May 27.
@mom60, wow - venues are expensive in your area! The one D picked is $2,000 for rental, although there is a minimum (which does include venue rental, food, uplighting, and tax) - but the minimum is much less on Friday. The wedding will be small, so they really could not have done a Saturday - there is no way that minimum would be met with a small wedding. I am sure yours will find a suitable venue.
@mom60, you might want to take a look at Unitarian Universalist churches. They are often a good choice for mixed-religion couples who would prefer a church setting.
