My oldest got married 6 years ago and she and all of her friends used Save the Date cards… I’m not sure when they became popular–didn’t pay much attention before. They certainly weren’t around when I got married 37 years ago.
“Prince Harry isn’t getting a Plus 1 for Pippa’s wedding. Neither is groom’s brother. Pippa’s rule is you have to be engaged to get a plus 1, so no boyfriends, cousins, just friends as escorts.”
Sounds like my D! She says she doesn’t want to Tinder dates at her reception. 
(Although she isn’t quite so strict - they don’t need to be engaged, just long-term. After all, her brother’s GF needs to be invited … )
We are doing a save the date because our wedding is on a three day holiday weekend. Folks sometimes make other plans for long weekends. So…we are sending the save the date so folks will have all the info. We thought long and hard about this.
For plus one…same as upstream. Either engaged, or in a long term live in relationship. No new romances.
S and DIL invoked what they called the Beyonce rule - put a ring on it. They actually weren’t that strict, but expected guests to be in committed, long-term relationships.
I thought Prince Harry was pretty serious with his girlfriend? I think it’s pretty dumb and wrong not to invite her.
@thumper1, We had the perfect combination storm that made the first invited guests very much an unknown quantity. 1) the wedding was Thanksgiving weekend 2) the majority of people invited lived out of state, and I don’t mean next state over 3) The groom’s family all lived out of state, including his parents and siblings and closest friends. We explained all of that to people that we invited personally. I would say all of them were ones that we wanted to invite right away but we just couldn’t afford that. Everyone that we did the late invite to understood and if they didn’t already have plans they came.
Had a bit of a stress out today. My S and his fiancé are trying to plan this wedding on their own. I’ve heard her interact with her mother on wedding plans and her mom seems not interested. I’m not really involved, I’m the mother of the groom and there is physical distance between us so we don’t see each other that much. But the wedding is closer to me than anyone else.
I wanted to explain that because my D called me in tears today. She lives far from the couple but mostly far from where the bride grew up which is where the other bridesmaids live. So D has not been involved with anything to do with picking out the dresses. Future DIL is usually very frugal and I know the other bridesmaids do not have tons of money.
Imagine my D’s suprise when she got a text today that the dress needs to be ordered in 2 weeks. And it’s $300. D was very surprised. I don’t know, is that the usual price for bridesmaid dresses? D is feeling very pinched with money lately. She was ready to drop out of the wedding.
What I decided to do. I told D I will pay for 1/2 of the dress, the dress then costs what D expected. We don’t make waves with FDIL and play nice. D wants to pay for her share so this works out I guess.
What does everyone think? If this was my D getting married, we probably would have done this differently but this is how it is.
I think you did the right thing, @deb922. It’s not an issue worth making a fuss about with your future DIL on your or your daughter’s part.
@deb922 - Can you just quietly put $300 in your dau’s bank account?
@jym626 I might just do that. We are on a phone plan together, her share is $90. I told her not to pay me for 2 months. Maybe I’ll send a check also.
The big unsaid problem is that D is struggling with her single status and her brothers upcoming nuptials. I won’t go into it because I’ve been talking about it in numerous posts here lately. But let’s just say, this has been really hard for D. Ordering the dress was just a symptom.
Is your dau older than your son?
I’m sorry your daughter is going through a challenging time. As parents, it seems our lives are only as calm as our most unhappy child at any point in time.
If it was me, I’d tell my daughter to come to me for venting, support, and sympathy but to steer clear of off-loading any negativity towards the wedding anywhere else.
Bridesmaid dresses…and costs. Yikes. DD is trying to keep the cost of dresses reasonable. Last I heard, she was giving the bridesmaids a color, and they could choose a dress…with DD having final approval. I believe they are not going with floor length. DD has been a bridesmaid and this plan worked very well in the weddings she was in…some girls paid more than others…but everyone looked great…and had a dress of their choice.
The men’s clothes are proving to be more challenging. Originally they were going to wear grey suits…but that was when the wedding was going to be at the beginning of April…and the bridesmaids were going to be in Navy. Now it’s Memorial Day weekend and they are going to be in a muted blue… Plus they are thinking…what are the guys going to do with grey suits? So that is being rethought.
I’m staying out of it…but I will pay for DS’s clothing for the wedding.
@thumper1 (re late additions) – I think my daughter’s late invitations were to coworkers who she is friendly with. There had already been a little bit of a dust-up because of course everyone at work knew she was getting married, but too many people to invite everyone – so I’m guessing she had already let it be known that there were space limitations and that some had approached her already asking if they could come.
Now, for my son’s upcoming wedding, given the short notice, I guess we are all B-listers. Definitely no time for a save-the-date!
My daughter was to be in 3 weddings last year. I was very worried about the cost of the NY one, but the bride picked a dress online and it was $50. The first one was also ordered and about $50. The middle one which I was told was in a park (not really, a big wedding event center) turned out to be the very expensive one, with matching shoes etc. Luckily, she was uninvited to be a bridesmaid because she was in school. It would have cost a fortune.
My daughter is standing up for her brother, with their other brother, and the bride’s brothers are standing up for her. There is apparently an “unofficial” extended wedding party, so the bride has asked all the women (including my D) to wear a navy dress of their choice. I think she felt this would eliminate the “the dress is too expensive for some, the style works for the small, slight women but not for others” issues. The flower girls will be in matching white dresses with navy bows. I’ve told all 3 of my kids (including the groom) that I will be happy to pay for their wedding attire.
As for “B” lists - the bride and groom have invited all their friends (and there are many because they were post-30 when they met, each with lifetimes of friendships. It’s the extended family and parents’ friends who can only be invited if they receive larger numbers of “no” responses than expected. All know the situation and none will be offended if they receive a late invitation. I think they just decided who will print the invitations, so this is all beginning to feel even more real.
I offered to pay for D’s expenses related to her being a bridesmaid for her cousin (my niece). It will include a dress (under $100), bachelorette weekend in Vegas, and wedding in Honolulu. I’ve already let her have points for the flying LAX to HNL and will send give her some money for the other expenses.
It can be tough for folks who are unhappily single when their sibling is blissly getting married.
My D originally was going to walk herself down the aisle, so I was surprised when she called me just now to ask me if I would want to walk her down. I am her mom and the only parent, so it is slightly untraditional. We are also having a mother daughter dance to Rod Stewart’s “Have I Told You Lately That I Love You.”
Time to kick the diet into overdrive.
My D’s bridesmaids are a variety of colors and sizes … including one with an impossible-not-to-notice chest. She told them to choose a dress they like in a particular color. The guys will probably wear navy suits, but they don’t have to buy them - we have places around here that rent suits.
It’s very helpful to read how y’all are handling things. We’re still waiting on the church to let the couple set a date, which they hope will be in about six months. I’m chomping at the bit to start making reservations.
Dh & I are covering nearly all costs. D1 had no clue how expensive wedding related stuff can be and is in shock. She found a dress she loves, then backed off when she saw the price tag. As frugal as I am, she is much more so. We’re going back for a second round of shopping soon and I’ve enlisted her best friend to encourage D1 to relax and enjoy the experience. I swore to her that we’re not raiding our retirement funds or spending money that would otherwise be used for anything more important.
Now dh wants for us to pay for the rehearsal dinner. We’ve become aware that FSiL’s parents have had some financial difficulties and he doesn’t want the wedding to cause them more stress. We just haven’t figured out how to approach them about this, or other costs traditionally covered by the groom and his family. Even spending just $1K - $2K on the wedding would require them to borrow money (most likely by putting everything in credit cards.)