Congrats @lvvcsf! Good luck on the camping trip … in July … hope you are somewhere with cool weather!
Aww @runnermom, I hear ya loud and clear! We should have phone check-ins at 3 a.m. when visions of transportation/photography/dress - you name it - issues are running through our heads. I already told a friend that there will be no pictures of the MOB from the wedding because she was collapsed, dead asleep, under one of the tables.
@oregon101 I would take MOG comment at face value since she has organized her accommodations. It’s possible that in a passing conversation the groom mentioned that maybe they could stay with you since you “have plenty of room” (in his view) and she took it as a more formal invite. If so be grateful she declined, even if there wasn’t really an invite on your part. 
It sure would have been more awkward to get a note accepting your gracious invitation!!
I would love to hear a report back from people about how they handle toasts. I’ll admit that I mostly hate them and feel like they drag out an evening. Beyond parents, siblings and best man/maid of honor they seem to dissolve into inside jokes that half the audience doesn’t understand or worse, drunken retellings of things no one wants to hear. Does everyone do toasts? We only had the FOG welcome everyone to rehearsal dinner and maybe H’s brother and that was then end. Nothing at reception.
In regard to toasts: father of bride and groom gave short ones, the best man gave a longer but not too long one and that was it. As the mother of the bride, I was glad I only had to raise my glass. I don’t like too many toasts; I want to get on with the food!
Okay, @oregon101 here are my suggestions:
- Do a tiered cupcake cake. Not only is it fun, and perfect for a smaller group, but no one needs to cut the cake, which is quite frankly a royal PITA with a wedding cake. I’m sure a baker can arrange it for you. You can have a couple of flavors. Avoid nuts. Chocolate, white, and yellow cake all go well with orange or raspberry buttercram.
I made one for a friend’s daughter’s graduation party. This is what I did. I bought cardboard cake rounds in graduated sizes. I taped two or three of them together in each size, for strength, then covered each round with floral foil (like 14" 12" 10" , etc) and taped it securely. The floral foil has an open pattern of ivy and flowers. I bought a bunch of very small terra cotta flower pots, and used them, turned upside down, to divide and support the layers, four for each: three around the exterior and one in the middle. They were tall enough to provide sufficient clearance for the cupcakes. I piped a whole bunch of flat royal icing pansies in pink/lavender colors on parchment paper, and let them dry. The cupcakes were white vanilla and chocolate with real raspberry buttercream, each one topped with a sugar pansy. I saved one flowerpot and potted a real pansy in it. That was the cake topper. The tiers were festooned with some ivy tendrils here and there. I potted up the leftover pansies in some leftover pots and sat them on the table where the “cake” was displayed. (I still have all of the structural elements and have reused them.
Obviously, I am into this sort of thing, and I don’t want to intimidate you, but bakers make cupcake cakes all the time these days, and know how to do it. Decorating with fresh flowers is simple and lovely. (BTW, I’ve made tiered wedding cakes also, and transported them without any disasters, but I’d still recommend the cupcake cake. And I would get normal sized cupcakes, not those ginormous “Texas” cupcakes.)
Now I’m indulging myself, but I do want to point out that if you order cupcakes they don’t HAVE to be arranged in the kind of tiers I describe. They can be arranged on footed and tiered display pieces of varying heights on a single table or counter. Of course–you knew this, right? 
– I own sufficient footed things to display 20-30 cupcakes or more, but if you don’t the baker or the restaurant will.
-
I don’t know what in heck the FMIL meant, but I wouldn’t worry about it! No rational person would expect you to be putting them up in such circumstances, but whatever, she has it covered.
-
Regarding flowers, I’d ask your D if they had any particular colors/feel in mind, and just go with that; ie, English country garden, tropical, rustic, et al. What I’m not clear on is where exactly the flowers are going to be used. At the ceremony in the park? (Is there a contingency plan if it rains?) In the restaurant? Both? Is your D going to have a bouquet? You need some more details. After that, it can be simple. Baskets (with handles) of flowers flanking the B&G at the ceremony can easily be picked up and transported to the restaurant. If the flowers are just for the restaurant, you need to look at the site and talk to the manager about what will work. We can help.
-
Liquor stores do deliver. Or you can deliver the wine in advance. It won’t go bad.
Thanks, Consolation. Gads what you did sounds so lovely!
She wants a cake. period. final. no cupcakes.
We will no doubt do cupcakes at our meet and greet of 30–which will be bigger than this wedding.
And so enjoyed reading what you have done!
Flowers. She has been specific that she reallllllly does not care. No interest at all.
Does not care about a bouquet. I suggested a single rose and had her attention for 15 seconds
which means that could just work for her.
Flowers in little bud vases (which I own as well as many votives from S’s wedding celebration).
these can just be from the local grocery or Costco the day of…
again 22 guests does not make for a very long table.
Now that I have realized that we do not need a wedding planner and what is needed is a helper–
just a person who can pick up and deliver the cake, drop off the wine, etc. I am feeling better.
D is 3,000 miles away and starts her residency this week. I think she just wants a pretty day to go
smoothly–not being particularly particular–and just knows that I will make it happen.
=D>
I had a cake made by a local home baker for about $100. It had pillars and lovely real roses. The topper was from my mom & dad’s cake decades earlier. Someone referred us the name and phone number and she did a fine job at a great price. She delivered the cake & set it up the evening of the reception when the hotel was setting up the tables. We returned the cake pillars back to her after the event.
A small event is lovely and memorable. I agree that a helper is more than sufficient for a small event. I’m sure your D will be very happy, @oregon101. Don’t overthink and stress. It will work just fine!
Well, the correct envelopes arrived today from Minted so we’re back in business. My S called at 2:30pm on Sunday to alert them to the mistake and they arrived at my home today. I have separated them alphabetically by letter, inserted the right response cards/envelopes in the correct outer envelope (at my suggestion, they numbered each response card/envelope according to their alpha invitation list for easy reference in case someone forgets to add their name!), and am ready to stuff the invitations/detail-reception cards/response cards. Perusing their list, I see some misspellings (nothing critical) and some odd ways of presenting names, but I am averting my eyes and getting them out. Which, if you knew me, is no easy task for this hyper-detail oriented mom. My S and FDIL chose the invites, created the mailing list, ordered, paid, and dealt with Minted. I offered to do this and really, I am merely an available set of hands…and I keep repeating that to myself. Can I just say how difficult it is sometimes to not be in control when this amount of money is being spent…even when it’s not my money.
This is a very good idea!
Question for all: Do most people use traditional response cards, or do most people have a wedding website and ask people to RSVP on the website?
My daughter and future son-in-law are using a website, which is the only realistic choice for them because they are moving during the period when RSVPs will be coming in. But that special situation doesn’t apply to most couples.
My S and FDIL have a website, but opted for snail mail response cards. I think there is a not insubstantial number of invitees who either don’t use the internet or can’t be trusted to respond that way. And to be honest, my experience is that they will receive some sweet notes along with the appropriate checked boxes. The responses are going to their apartment, and their last names would take up the whole envelope, so (much to my chagrin) the responses are addressed to bride first name and groom first name. OK, deep breath, it’s only an invitation X_X
My relative sent a traditional invitation but had responses via email. It’s a (small) savings not having reply cards with stamps and that you have to number to be sure you know who sent it if the forget to write their name (as some have every time we’ve helped with a large party).
My D and FSIL have a website but also opted for the traditional response cards. We also numbered them in case anyone forgot to include their name, but all the response cards came back with the guests’ names. We included menu choices on the response card. One couple forgot to fill it out. FSIL called them to ask them what they wanted. They were sure they had filled it in and knew they wanted the chicken. Funny thing - chicken isn’t one of the choices!
Like runnersmom, the preprinted envelopes contained some spelling errors (Who doesn’t know how to spell Cleveland??) and odd presentation of names. The responses went back to the couple addressed as First Name and First Name as well. Breath deep. Breath deep.
We had a 90 minute meeting today at the venue. I previously liked the wedding coordinator but today she disorganized and a tad passive aggressive. D practically had a meltdown over the table arrangements. Coordinator wanted to redo table sizes and seating arrangements to make the room more symmetrical. We would have had to then change things with the florist. I listened politely for awhile and told her we were going to sleep on it. By the time we got back to the car, D & I decided to leave things are originally planned. The heck with symmetry. It’ll look just fine.
"The heck with symmetry. "
Good call. I doubt anyone would notice the symmetry - or lack thereof!
D1 is limiting +1 to “living together” or engaged. As her first cousins and her own sister are all moving toward the cut off line, she is doing her seating chart with and without +1 from her first cousins at this time.
But I wonder if there’s another reason they want a different arrangement.
We are inviting a large number of out of town guests…with really nomgiess as to how many will actually be able to attend. We are not doing seating chart at all right now. For all we know…the actual list of invited guests will change…as some folks get in plus one relationships. Like @oldfort the Plus One invites are only going to engaged or living together couples.
We also drew a line in the sand with regard to children. We didn’t invite them…with two exceptions…my nephew, and FSIL’s nephew. We also invited our (parent) first cousins…all of them…but not their kids (that would,have been a LOT of kids under age 10).
We will use traditional mailed response cards. They will be mailed to me (MOB).
Very true.
There’s also a not insubstantial number of young people who rarely use postal mail or can’t be trusted to respond that way – a generation gap that I simply can’t get used to.
My 80+ year old aunt had to ask her boss (yes she still worked part-time) to do the online RSVP for S’ wedding 2 years ago.
Oh yes, the +1 conversation. Since our venue has a hard cap, my S and FDIL also limited plus one invites to those engaged or living together. They did make exceptions for his brother and sister since they have been in relationships since January and the wedding is in September. What they did was tell them that they had saved seats for their significant others, but the invitations would not include a +1. That way the decision can be made by their siblings as to whether to invite their SO closer to the wedding. There will be 3 flower girls (cousins of the B) and several infants. Invitations are going out tomorrow so we’ll soon have a better idea of how many will be attending. As for responses, I agree that many of the younger generation don’t even seem to know what a mailbox looks like, but e will hope for the best and S and FDIL will make phone calls/send emails to chase down those who can’t seem to find the post office!
My D is doing paper invitations and online responses. Their wedding is skewing very young - as neither has many relatives. Which segues into another question. Are all of you doing anything w/r/t deceased relatives? It’s a thing here to have a memorial table or some such. I hate that. However, the couple has lost three very close grandparents in the past 11 months. I told my daughter I hope she will do something personal and private. I think she is leaning toward having a sprig of lilac (my mother’s favorite flower) in all the bouquets and a note in the program saying “the lilac at the wedding today is in memory of ___” I would be fine if they did nothing other than a sprig of lilac in the bride’s bouquet.