@cap are you saying wedding servers should be tipped? I’ve never heard of that before.
Family member here owns a catering business and says…wedding servers are paid well…and he would not expect the bridal family or any other event family to tip the servers at a wedding.
This is according to the Knot: “If the service fee is included, consider doling out extra only if the service was exceptional”
Thank you all for your insights into the issue of tipping servers and others employed by the venue.
Do you also have any thoughts about vendors not employed by the venue, like the officiant and the DJ?
We are paying our officiant directly…so no additional tip.
The band we hired is getting paid a pretty penny too. I can’t imagine I will tip them…unless they do something very special and unexpected. In addition to their playing cost, they also get dinner, and snacks and water…for,the duration of the wedding. I’m not thinking they will get an additional tip.
I found multiple sources that match what my daughters says. Who knows.
Service fees. “I notice service charges creeping in mostly in country clubs, private clubs and sometimes on catering bills,” says Karen Bussen, a wedding designer in New York City. “These are not necessarily gratuities. Sometimes, for example, a private club will just charge an 18 to 22 percent service charge for administering the wedding. This money is not distributed to tipped employees, and gratuities may be left to your discretion, which could double the money you need for service.”
""So what is included in the Service Charge?
How the Service Charge is broken down will vary from hotel to hotel {or caterer}, so don’t be afraid to ask for an itemized breakdown. In general, the Service Charge offsets the hotel/caterer’s labor and administration costs, such as dishwashing, packing for your event, travel time to and from your event, ballroom/facility maintenance and so forth. Keep in mind, the Service charge DOES NOT equate to a Gratuity; therefore, it DOES NOT cover the gratuities for the wait staff {unless specifically noted by your caterer}.
We are doing “say yes to the dress”(part I) next Sat. It will be D1, D2 and myself. We are visiting 4 stores, 2 of D1’s choice and 1 of mine (or she claimed). I kept on asking, “Why we are not going to this store?” She said, “You picked the other store already, you can’t pick another one.” But I never picked the store on her list.
We are going to do food/wine tasting end of July. It is going to be fun. D1 is kicking into less than 12 months mode. I just all of a certain got a whole bunch of to do list.
The hard part is when she thinks she likes a dress … then goes to see others … then wishes she could go back to see that one from earlier … but it takes 2 months (Chicago) to get an appointment, so you sure can’t go back that day! My D had that happen, and we ended up driving 2 hours a couple weeks later to try the dress on at another shop. It was a blessing in disguise, since she found a totally different dress that she loved! Hope your shopping trip goes well.
You are psyching me out.
Did I mention she will be wearing 3 different dresses for the wedding? We got the Chinese Xi Pao already, so just 2 more.
My daughter is tall and thin; unlike her very short and could afford to lose a few pounds mother 
She made appointments at 5 shops in town that each carried a brand she had an interest in. It was suppose to be just my mother and myself going with her, but a dear friend called me as she wanted to fly in and surprise my daughter, which I was thrilled about.
Every dress she tried on was beautiful on her; she truly looked great in everyone of them. Some we liked better than others; others were too expensive for what they were. At the first shop we all loved the same dress on her, so we left with the idea it was the dress to beat. The next shop we were not wowed with. One dress was pretty, but we still liked the first best. The third shop was having a trunk show that she was excited to see. While there was a dressed she lived the bottom of, she wasn’t excited with the top. The company was willing to take the top from one and add it to the bottom of the one she loved; the problem was they did not have the top of the one she though she would like, so she would not be able to actually try it on. With the change fee and the uncertainty of how it would look on her, after a night to sleep on it, she decided not to mess with it. She cancelled the other two appointments as she was burned out and overwhelmed.
We went back the next day and tried on the first dress again; it was a winner!! While it was not what she thought she would buy, she loved it as did her friend; that was all it took.
The one thing I ask that she do when trying on dresses is to try on styles she didn’t think she would want, because until you actually put on a wedding dress, you really do not know.
Thank goodness our kid has her dress. And she loves it.
We are also in “under 12 month mode”.
I’m going to make the hotel reservations for the bridal party, and us this week. Then I’m inviting the MOG for lunch and to see the venue.
And I have to finalize the ceremony music.
DD needs to get the wedding website up and running…and pick her Save the Date cards out and order them. We are also collecting all of the mailing addresses.
I am the person on the ground here. DD is far away.
@cap I just looked at our venue contract…and it does NOT say “service charge”. It says “gratuity”. Since they are listing a gratuity, I’m not planning on giving an additional one.
D1 thinks she will be one and done. I am thinking it may take up to 3 visits. We are very decisive when it comes to shopping, but I think a wedding dress may be a bit different.
OH My. I think we on the 70 ish day schedule and I promise you nearly nothing is done.
What is that saying? “not my circus, not my monkeys?”.
She is super busy and 3,000 miles away. She did try on only 10 dresses at two shops and picked the style
I chose and she never would have thought of it on her own. She is not being difficult that is for sure.
H and I and her BFF did the cake tasting --I bought a small cake that she wanted and picked out
two other slices. The one she wanted was super dry and tasteless. I called and talked with
the bakery and found out they are training a new baker and were pleased I let them know.
So now we have a gift certificate there.
I was not part of the entourage when my FDIL went dress shopping (the main shop she was going to limited the shopping party to bride +2) but I’m told she picked out her dress in less than 45 minutes. I guess when it’s right, it’s right.
I do think when it is right it is right.
I went shopping with DD here…and then she also went with a friend where she lives. Then I went to a followup shopping there too.
The hardest part for me…was keeping my opinions sort of even handed. TBH…she is a size 2 or so…and looks great in everything. She loves her dress which is an Allure fit and flair style in a blush. It’s a very pretty, and simple dress…beautiful lace.
No head piece to pick out…although she does want a hair comb. We have a friend who is a jewelry maker who we hope will make the hair comb.
She needs to get shoes there…before the dress is hemmed.
This guy has created a good gig for himself:
http://narrative.ly/the-man-behind-new-yorks-one-stop-elopement-shop/
My D loved a dress on BHLDN, so of course she had to try it on in the shop…and was underwhelmed. We went to four other bridal stores before she went back to BHLDN and ordered the first dress. She was expecting to “fall in love” with a wedding dress, but to be honest, she’s never been the type to fall in love with anything (except maybe with cats and her fiance.) She’s more the make-a-spreadsheet-and-weigh-the-options type of girl.
So we’re done with the dress (need a veil, though, and jewelry). It wasn’t MY favorite dress, but it’s her wedding!
My D tried on about a dozen dresses at one shop which carried several of the designers she was interested in. She ended up picking the first dress, which is very lovely and not at all what I had expected. My only very minor concern is that she is a size 0 and the sample was a size 10. The back is very detailed, and when it was clipped to stay on her, the fabric met again in the back, making it look very different than what her own dress will look like.
I think she is going to get a veil, but she swears she wants a cape. I smile and nod.