Wish i could, but can’t at this point, and to be honest, those are things I enjoy doing because I need no input frm=om anyone else. And no, guest list is stable, except for the non-responses from my husband’s family - which I could have predicted. They haven’t responded in a timely manner to an invitation I’ve proffered, whether to a Bar Mitzvah or dinner, in the 39 years I’ve know them.
The car seats are the responsibility of the parents of those kids. Cross it off your list. Husband’s relative RSVPs? Put those on his list. Today. Tell him to get on it. Your kids’ clothes? Do what you can and pass it on to them (assume these are adults).
Don’t mean providing car seats, just confirming that we have enough seats on the bus to accommodate. H has already emailed his family - it’s on his list, but ultimately mine…just the way it goes. I appreciate the support and suggestions, really just venting. I know what I need to do and can manage it all.
^ Right. Parents of infants should arrive in town with some sort of transport seat.
Wedding party transpo? Set it up, some right size van, and innocently tell MOB she’s in charge of the gals getting on the bus. Your son will be with his friends and can handle them. Or at that point, you nudge the guys.
Suite food? Just sweetly pass that back to her. If she’s so gungho on that, she’ll manage it. You can have drinks and something like a fruit basket in the car trunk. Or order something like Edible Arrangements and have the hotel place it in their fridge.
When asked to do somegthing, when it’s too much, it can help to remember, “No is also an answer.” It can be said nicely.
@runnersmom, just remember, NYC is a delivery city. For suite food, just call up a nearby deli and tell them to deliver. Just make sure you are not ordering anything saucy or messy to eat because it may stain clothes or disturb makeup.
It was AMAZING! Best wedding I’ve ever been to and as far as I could tell, everyone had a great time. Like everyone, we had some minor glitches, but they really were minor and I feel I know a bit more what to do next time (2 more kids in the pipeline…)
D looked like a beautiful elven princess marrying a rogue adventurer. H’s father (a minister) officiated a lovely ceremony which was meaningful, but with elements of humor, which fit the couple. I heard their vows for the first time at the ceremony and I’m not sure there was a dry eye in the house (well, the meadow – it was a “mountain rustic wedding”).
The couple did most of their own planning, but D loved the few “surprises” offered by her sibs and me – the reception intro music and special cake toppers were very appreciated. Everyone in the wedding party was a real trooper and worked hard to help create a true dream wedding for D and SIL. One great part of the wedding for me was seeing all the people who love and support them.
D2 (MOH) gave a beautiful toast and really all the toasts were well-done and thankfully not over-long. S had a few technical challenges, but was an excellent emcee – you’d never have guessed how little he practiced. The mother-daughter veil dance was a huge AWWWW moment, especially for the many dancers among the guests. The father-daughter dance (based on “Starlord” Peter Quill’s cute intro in Guardians of the Galaxy, but you didn’t have to know the movie to “get” the dance!) got the big laughs and even had an unintentionally funny ending. One of the bridesmaids (D’s best friend) dedicated a dance to D and THIS was the straw that finally had D2 (our stoic child) tearing up.
The food was great, the venue was beautiful, and I think all the guests really enjoyed it as an “event.”. Renn Faire geeks and belly dancers (many guests fit these groups) in particular loved it for the “theming,” but I don’t think “normal folks” felt left out at all.
We got a set of “sneak peeks” from the photographer and so glad we spent the money to hire our top choice. Don’t skimp on the photographer!
I’ll post later about some lessons learned, but wanted to share the joy for now! I’m really glad all the recent weddings (and related events) went well for CC wedding parents.
This is what matters in the end – I am so happy for them!
@partyof5, it is tiring, isn’t it? Glad your S and DIL had an excellent day!
@SOSConcern, wow, sounds like everything went great, certainly all the big stuff – fantastic!
Wow how lovely and thank you for the great report!!!
I really dislike attending weddings (bad of me, I know) but this sounds like it was just so much
enjoyment!!!
I want to ask a question regarding gifts to your own D or S for their wedding.
FSIL and D asked me to go over their registry esp. regarding kitchenware. This got me thinking about whether we are expected to give the couple a gift on top of the very generous check for the event…?
H and I also have an extra expense that was not anticipated as the couple decided to have the ceremony in Portland and the “party” in Boston. So there was another set of airfares and such.
Those here who are either hosting the wedding or gifting the money for their wishes–are you also giving a gift? FSIL’s parents just gifted a set of All Clad pans for $699. They are being generous in a cash gift as well and have the added expense of traveling here for the ceremony.
I am not the least bit in competition with them and am thrilled that FSIL and D have this amazing gift now.
I was just thinking about this on my own last night before I knew and had not yet decided if H and I want to also give a gift. Still not sure how I feel about it.
Just asking what the rest of you have done and your thoughts regarding this subject.
I definitely gave my daughter & her husband a gift from their registry – I wated a while to give others a chance to purchase. Money wasn’t part of the equation – I chose a nice item but not something that would be considered a major purchase. But I wanted them to have something in their house, that they would use, that they would know came from me. I did also give them a nice cash gift & helped with a wedding expense, but the houseware/registry gift was the thing with substance – the thing that could be held and shared with others. (In my case, I supplied them with the dinnerware set they had chosen)/
My in-laws paid for my fairly modest wedding-- I don’t remember whether there was also a cash gift or not – but I do remember the physical wedding gift – a full set of farberware stainless steel cookware and a stoneware dinnerware set . When I divorced, I gave my ex the stoneware, and maybe the farberware skillet – but I still have the farberware saucepans, used quite regularly, and still very much appreciated 30+ years down the line, although my parents-in-law are now deceased.
So yes. It doesn’t have to be expensive. But do give them something that you would like to see in their house.
Agree about having very good photographer. Seeing some great photos of facebook from friends/family. Will see how the video turned out (we bought the digital video camera, and got two from the wedding guests to record - a nephew and DD2’s plus 1).
@snoozn, how wonderful that your D and SIL had the wedding of their dreams - it sounds like a great time was had by all and such special memories were created that will last a lifetime.
After some emotion-filled phone calls (to be fair, my sisters and I are also dealing with my mom, whose memory and ability to deal with life are declining rapidly and I am on the verge of tears all the time), i think my S and FDIL and I are on the same page with some critical issues. MOB also called yesterday to apologize for some pretty confusing texts and assumptions…for example, she assumed we’d issue an open invitation, “come if you’d like”, to everyone for the rehearsal dinner, a “welcome dinner” she wants to have Friday night (wedding is Sunday), and an “overflow brunch” if my venue can’t handle all the guests not staying at the hotel. Her D and my S called and gently but firmly explained to her that they are having a city wedding, not a destination wedding, and they are not planning a weekend full of activities/events for all the guests. They don’t even plan to attend the dinner Friday night as they want one night out by themselves before the weekend begins with the aufruf in our synagogue Saturday morning. She’s known this for weeks, but I think held out hope they’d change their minds. Problem is, her approach impacted all the things S and FDIL asked me to plan. MOB is a lovely woman who only wants the best for our children and is making, from what I can see, a very special wedding. However, her communications, at least with me, represent more fantasy than reality. I’m really trying to stay calm and on an even keel, checking things off my list, but there have been moments.
And to chime in on the gift question, yes, my H and I intend to give them a wedding present, but we’re not quite sure what yet. They will, hopefully, close on their apartment before the wedding, so we may wait and see what they need before deciding. I also plan to give small but personal gifts to each of them separately - to my FDIL welcoming her to the family, and to my S as a keepsake of his wedding from his parents.
We didn’t give a gift off their registry. We only gave them a cash gift during the wedding planning. They did move cross-country months before the wedding, and we did gift them a gas grill and accessories as a housewarming gift 3 months before the wedding.
If…and I mean if…there is a shower for DD, we will give a gift from her registry.
We haven’t discussed a gift innaddition to the wedding.
We were in the same position. I finessed it by giving them a fairly pricey gift off the registry but telling them it was a housewarming gift (they bought a house a couple of months ago) and birthday gift for my daughter (whose birthday is this week).
@oregon101, in addition to the funds I provided for rehearsal dinner for S and wedding for D, I did buy each couple a gift that they would have for the long haul and, hopefully, remember me when they use it. Each couple got a large Mariposa serving tray from their registry.
We gave D an fairly expensive gift off her registry for her shower. Quite honestly, we completely forgot about a wedding gift. I think the lovely wedding we hosted is enough of a gift.
@runnersmom, what a lovely idea to give your FDIL a personal welcome-to-the-family gift!
We did not give a gift other than managing/producing the dinner the night before. (Remember, in our case, no caterers and I made the tiered cake.) But we did give them a night at an amazing hotel in NYC at another time. They did not have an official honeymoon and were headed there for theater.
This is a question we’re thinking about a lot. We are giving our D more money than we can really afford, but we are happy with it. However, there is a real possibility that there could be another wedding in our family at the end of next year, so that’s a concern. Additionally, D2 and her fiancé are moving into an apartment at the end of this month and we are buying them a sofa. I don’t think there will be a registry or a shower, so I’m very seriously thinking about what, if anything to give as a wedding gift.
On the positive side, the flowers and bridesmaid dresses were ordered this weekend, and I couldn’t be happier with the flowers. They are going to be very different and the florist was so excited that the owner of the shop plans to come to the venue and be the one to actually set everything up. He also is giving her a free toss bouquet because he doesn’t want her tossing the bouquet he is “curating” for her.
I really do not think that a wedding gift is necessary. Financing a wedding is a gift, and if it stretches you financially, you certainly do not need to add another gift on top of that. Be honest with your D - let her know that the wedding is your gift for their marriage.