@zoosermom, I grew up where you are… and back in the day all siblings and even close cousins were included in the bridal party with the girls supporting the bride and the guys supporting the groom.
I think these days it is more common for their to be bridesmen and groomsmaids along with the bridesmaids and groomsmen such that those included support the one they are close to.
I have seen the groomsmaid wear the same style bridesmaid dress but in the color of the groomsmen suits (navy or grey). I have seen bridemen wear shirt/tie/pocketsquare in the color of the bridemaids attire.
Hmmm. My wife included my sisters in her wedding party. My sisters plus her sisters WERE her wedding party, no friends. I’m not certain why, except at the time it seemed like the right thing to do. She sort of knew one sister reasonably well (who had gone to college while I was in law school at the same university and future wife and I were together), and not so much the other sister (who was openly hostile to my wife).
My son has his fiancee’s brother as one of his groomsmen, and the fiancee has my daughter as a bridesmaid. Everyone is fairly close in age, though, and has at least spent some meaningful time together. An innovation: one of the grooms"men" is a woman, a close friend of the couple. She’ll be wearing what the other groomsmen wear.
The whole large-wedding-party thing seems silly and archaic to me, especially if, as usual, they have no actual role, nothing to do. If I were doing it over, I would have a best man and a maid/matron-of-honor, and leave it at that, unless I wanted people to hold the chupa.
My D2 needs a reasonable-sized wedding party since her maid of honor (sister) is also serving as the officiant and can’t handle the traditional maid of honor duties. The person who will then do those things is a member of the bride’s quad of besties, none of whom can be left out. The couple is having their wedding at a location that is a blank canvas for them to “curate,” so there are physical jobs requiring the gentlemen in the bridal party to handle. It will be very interesting to see if all of the moving parts end up working together.
My H did not have my 4 brothers, and I did not have his sister, in our wedding party. My D was in her cousin’s wedding, but she is not having her cousin in hers … although she is including her in a significant way in the ceremony. D’s fiance will have his brother in the wedding party, but D’s brother will not be (nor does he want to be - he adores the future BIL, but he does NOT adore standing up in front of a group in a monkey suit). Every family is different. I was not in either of my brother’s weddings, and I didn’t feel slighted in any way.
I don’t get the whole huge wedding party trend. Churches in our area are now limiting the size of the wedding party in response to the ridiculous numbers of people that are trying to cram onto the altar (although with the trend away from church weddings, that is probably not going to impact all that many couples).
The number of groomsmen doesn’t need to match the number of bridesmaids. There are often more men than women, since they can be ushers on the day of. The extras are just lined up on the groom’s side with the other men.
Your son wouldn’t have to be paired with the groom’s sister. It could be another or he could walk by himself as the bridal party recesses. Or stop to take your arm and escort you back.
Does he think it strange because of the age difference? The idea of them walking together? S had a friend as best man, and his two brothers and another friend as groomsmen. Initially he thought of having a third friend and not his brothers who are 5 and 7 years younger, with whom he has a friendly but not close relationship. (Btw, the two younger/smaller guys walked with older larger/taller women. The best man was the biggest guy, matched with the tiny maid of honor. They gave no thought to this, and it didn’t matter.) The third friend was a reader at the ceremony. The bride has no sisters. My son has 4 sisters, with only the oldest close in age to the bride/groom. Some people were a little surprised that none of groom’s sisters were in the wedding party, but bride doesn’t know them at all–we live thousands of miles away, only met twice before the wedding. Plus, bride had more friends that she wanted to include. So she had four friends, one of whom had 2 young daughters who were flower girls. Our oldest D was a reader, three younger ones passed out programs and took up offerory gifts during the mass. Bride has only one older brother who is a Catholic priest, who was the officiant. So there was a way to include everyone.
In my own wedding, I had only my two sisters, and H had his two brothers. I did not ask any of H’s 3 sisters because I’d never met them. (Plus, we wanted a small wedding and my mom was making the dresses). My sis had her H’s two sisters in her wedding party. And two of our 4 brothers were ushers. I think it depends on how well the families know each other --if they all live in the same city, couple has been going out for years, etc. If there is a big wedding party there is some expectation that sibs will be asked first because you’re starting a lifelong relationship with that family.
I have four siblings and a BIL, and was never in any of their weddings (BIL’s wife asked me and then disinvited me). A groomsman had dropped out and she was obsessed with even numbers. OK by me. I was also 15 years older than the other BMs and would have been extremely umcomfortable in the dress she chose. And, as it turned out, I was two weeks away from a leukemia diagnosis at the time of their wedding, so it was just as well I wasn’t part of the shindig.
I had my sibs in our wedding, plus my closest friend (who later became my SIL), and a close friend of DH’s. Didn’t have a flower girl (no little ones in the family at that time) and my BIL, who was nine at the time, was ring bearer.
I’m all for small wedding parties. I felt like I needed to include my sibs, but if I had to do it over again, we would have done something informal, had one attendant and a BBQ. We had close friends hold up the chuppah, which I really liked. I’ve made chuppot for other weddings, however, that were big enough that they required structural support. (Did one last year for boysx3 that was 10x10!)
zooser, your S is for all intents and purposes an adult. I think that he’d be fine in a wedding. The older sister may decide she doesn’t want to be in it, but either way, they can handle it. I wouldn’t worry about an age difference.
Yes I think that’s part of it. My son is 18 and the groom’s sister is 37. He goes to college in one state and she lives in another state that the couple doesn’t live in. Point being that his sister will not have much of a relationship with my daughter, although she is a lovely person, and the boyfriend won’t have much of a relationship with my son. They all live far apart, have nothing in common, and have never been around each other. I really have no opinion on this, but my daughter was shocked and so was the boyfriend - coming from opposite positions!
D1 is not asking her future SIL to be in her wedding party because they do not have such relationship. D2 is the only relative who is going to be in D1’s bridal party. Likewise, the groom is not asking anyone from our side of family to be in his wedding party.
@zoosermom, I was a bridesmaid in one older brother’s first wedding and hated it. I’d met the bride a few times and she was always condescending to me, maybe because I was much younger. I had to spend the morning of the wedding with the bridal party for numerous photos and was only spoken to when necessary. That evening a drunk groomsman tried repeatedly to molest me. And finally, the dress - a dotted swiss confection that I despised and was worn with a big white hat - ended up being my prom dress (after I altered it as much as possible) because my mother dictated that it was too expensive to replace. OB’s second wedding was much more enjoyable.
For our wedding, I had one of dh’s many sisters as a bridesmaid and he had one of my brothers as a groomsman along with his own brothers. From what I’ve heard, everyone had a good time (there was an after-party following our departure and then an all-nighter for some.)
FSiL asked S to be an usher along with another friend. His one brother will be a groomsman and a close friend will be best man.He has no sisters. D is having just a MOH. She was worried about the imbalance, but was persuaded that it’s just fine.
@Consolation We have just decided to attend the wedding and reception on Saturday. It’s at the MGM National Harbor which is about an hour away so we won’t be staying at the hotel.
D had her husband’s sister as a bridesmaid. She is 10 years older than D, married with 4 kids, and lives on the opposite coast. I was sort of surprised when D asked her, although they do have a relationship. Turns out she was a good choice because she took charge on the wedding day and kept everyone on schedule.
D did not have a Maid of Honor. Instead she had a Man of Honor - her brother. The 2 of them have always been very close. S dressed the same as the groomsmen. He walked me down the aisle, circled back, and walked in with the bridesmaids. He held her bouquet and straightened her train. After the ceremony, he walked back down the aisle single file ahead of the best man. Then he gave an awesome toast at the reception.
S and FDIL solved the problem by having his brother and sister stand up for him and her two brothers stand up for her. There are assorted other bridesmaids/groomsmen, but the ones who will stand up with them under the chuppah are their siblings.
D and future (one month from tomorrow) FSIL are solving the problem by having no wedding party at all, even though they have six siblings between them.
@travelnut “Groom’s culture is “come one, come all” for weddings. G is not. We are at 150; hosting both wedding and rehearsal dinner. FoG asked DH twice this weekend if the guest number was in the contract. Yes, it is, answers DH each time.”
Is it also the groom’s culture that the bride’s family has to pay for everything? What does the groom’s family do or pay for in their culture?
@rebeccar " I’ve learned that it’s a totally accepted thing in their culture to bring family members who aren’t on the invitation, especially kids." Too bad it’s not totally UNacceptable for the groom’s family to NOT pay for the wedding!
Do you think they are going to try and pass it off that THEY are paying for and hosting the wedding?
I think the bride and groom should include those who they want in the wedding party, not those others believe “should” be in the wedding party, i.e., siblings, just because they are siblings.
Went to a wedding this weekend where a guy friend of the bride was a bridesmaid. He walked down the aisle after the female bridesmaids. Times change.
For those of you who married decades ago and had friends as attendants instead of siblings, are you still very close with those friends all these years later?