@C3Baker - I’m glad you got your dress. It is scary how much money is put out prior to a wedding and you don’t know when things like that will happen.
I would love to know where they got the cake topper.
We are still 13 months away and nothing decided but the venue.
S would like a chuppah. For those who have used them do you rent them or buy the wood and make it yourself?
Wedding planner- I don’t think S and fiancé have a planner in the budget. How necessary is a planner? The wedding is a destination wedding for everyone but not a true destination location. It’s a 5 hour drive so all the meeting of venues gets more complicated.
I’ve noticed a trend 4 of the last 5 weddings we have been invited to have had the invitation come from the couple not the parents of the bride. Basically worded bride Jane and Groom John invite you along with their families to celebrate. In all the 4 cases I know that the parents are funding the wedding.
I’m beginning to get nervous because while S and his fiancé have good ideas they both aren’t the best at getting things done in a timely manor. My D keeps reminding me to keep my opinions to myself.
@runnersmom , I think a planner is involved early in the process, while a day-of coordinator keeps things running smoothly on the day of the wedding and often oversees the wedding rehearsal, too. My d3’s coordinator was actually a “month-of” coordinator, a bit more expensive but worth every cent. At one of my older d’s weddings, the facility owner/manager functioned as an over-all coordinator, which was a pleasant surprise.
As to how necessary it is, that depends on who would oversee details and manage problems without a coordinator. If a family member or friend is Type A and enjoys it, that person might want to do it … but it’s really a job, so it could detract from time spent enjoying the wedding. I think MOBs used to do much of what a day-of coordinator does today (and allow me to say I’m happy to have passed on those responsibilities to a professional).
With multiple vendors at a venue that’s some distance away, I think a day-of coordinator could be a worthwhile investment in your own enjoyment.
D1’s wedding is 4-5 hrs away. I wasn’t sure if a wedding planner was necessary in the beginning, but I think she is worth every penny. She has saved us a lot of money, from flowers/plants to caterers. Wedding vendors are more likely to provide better services and pricing to a wedding planner than to an individual because they want repeat business. The wedding planner is local so she could check out different options for us without us having to make multiple trips there. Local planners would also know a lot of inside scoop of various vendors. Ours has told us which venue’s service was going down hill due to financial or mismanagement.
We are paying the planner a fixed fee, not a percentage of total spend, so she is working for us not for other vendors.
What folks you want and hire depends a lot on the folks involved and logistics. We had our reception at a hotel. We and catering manager arranged everything and we didn’t hire any coordinators. We lived locally as did most of our guests.
Some folks are more comfortable and happier if they hire planners and coordinators. There’s no ONE right or wrong way.
It is kind of like hiring a private college counselor, you can do all the research you want or you can pay some one with knowledge already. For us to plan a wedding 4 hours aways would be very hard without someone local onsite. In our case, we also have multiple events at different venues, so having one catering manager from a venue to do all the planning and coordinating would not be possible.
My D’s wedding was at our home town but I hired a day off co-ordinator plus the venue manager was also helping out. She helped arrange all the place cards, displayed all the photos,gave instructions to all the attendants,made sure all the flower arrangements(we spent $$$ on flowers) were at the right places,had them delivered to my house after the event since I was hosting a brunch the next day etc etc. She made sure everything was on schedule and running smoothly.
Freed me up to relax and just enjoy the day.
One venue coordinator told us that she could be the overall coordinator us - ordering flowers, additional furniture, hairdresser, etc, except we would be charged 20% for everything she coordinated for us. Cost wise, it was cheaper to hire a fixed rate wedding planner.
@frazzled1, it was @mom60 who inquired about wedding planners, but I, too, agree that they are of value, at least fro my perspective. As I have mentioned, the MOB and I have taken on different parts of this wedding plan, so last week when the planner MOB hired for the 5 weeks before the wedding started full-time, I realized that it would be a great benefit for both of us. She is organizing details that would have me up night worrying and she’s interfacing with the bus company to try and get me the best deal possible given our somewhat complicated transportation needs. I don’t know what MOB is paying for her services, but she has graciously looped me in so I can get assistance on the parts of the day that involve me. I can see where having someone be on top of the timeline, day of details, etc. will be invaluable so we can all just enjoy the day.
The ties my S ordered for his groomsmen arrived yesterday and are quite lovely - a midnight blue base color with a beautiful floral pattern. I’ve got the welcome bags and hotel matters (brunch and bridal suite for getting ready) under control and had my first fitting for my dress, Shopping with my D today for a dress, and she promises she will pick something, because we’re running out of time! Time is flying and it’s the last free weekend for the couple before the wedding, and even then we are going to the “Night Before” (as we’re calling it) dinner venue to finalize those details tonight. My S and his crew are going hiking in Colorado next weekend, and my friends are having a shower for the B. After that they have an out-of-town wedding, then my niece’s Bat Mitzvah, and finally, Labor Day and wedding weekend. Where did the time go?
Maybe this should be in the say it here but ugh! My sil has a D in college and she doesn’t know if she can go to S’s wedding. TBH she is probably seeing if she can find an excuse not to go. Sil asked if it was better to RSVP yes and not show or RSVP no and then show up. Ummm, I told her that it was better to know if she was going to know if she was going or not before she RSVP’s.
Her s and his gf have already RSVP yes and she’s a medical student! So ugh!
Also fdil is having a shower and my mil has put me in charge of contacting everyone on our side to go into a group gift and purchasing said gift. I had something all picked out and asked everyone about what they wanted to contribute. Great! Went to buy it today from Amazon and the price went up $100! I have no idea, it’s a set of Caliphon pans, can I purchase another set from say Macy’s that’s the price that was settled on to pay. My relatives don’t want to contribute more.
@deb922 Best to know for sure but at least your SIL asked. I’d rather them say yes and have most count and since she contacted you, I wouldn’t feel bad about calling a day or two before final count date for caterer and verify that still coming.
Pain for you, but at least you know the possibilities. Think of it this way, if she hadn’t called you would have assume whatever response came was correct. Now you know to question it.
My BIL just said his college-aged son will not be attending, even though school won’t have started. My S is a bit disappointed in his cousins, but to be honest, this is not unusual behavior for my H’s family - just more of the same. Our tasting at the beer hall for the night before dinner went well, but the food is rather heavy, so I have to order judiciously so people don’t wake up with a stomach ache the morning of the wedding
Delicate issue of the day is that MOB contacted me this morning to ask if she could play a video of the bride’s life to age 16 at the venue. Well, yes, there is the technology available, but then I would want to do something for my S…I mean this is a celebration of the two of them, it’s not a bride-only event. She said, to my concern, oh now, it’s just that it will be so fun…to which I said, um, yes, but what about my kid? Am I being too sensitive? She wants it to be a surprise, so it’s not like I can ask him, but I would feel badly if his life were not being toasted/celebrated/made fun of (!), as well. What say you wise people? Should I just give in or find and make a video for my S, as well. I could convert his Bar Mitzvah video, which has a montage at the beginning of his life to that date, to digital files.
She’s a Last Minute Lucy, eh?
Can you set up the video in a distant corner? Or maybe have the kids intervene. The day is about them…as…a…couple. Not mom’s braggy. I’ve personally never seen a case where it wasn’t the couple putting that together, choosing what they want.
Hugs.
