But she said she wants it to be a “surprise.” Cleverly side-stepping any attempt to rein her in. Dumb like a fox.
Exactly - and based on my S’s reaction to the possibly video a friend was going to make (ps, “sweetie, let’s not remind her” he said to his fiancé last night), i suspect video of either of them would not be a happy surprise and I don’t want to tacitly approve it or participate. On the other hand, the party is for both of them. Oy…sick of being put in these positions by MOB.
How about it playing behind the bar during the cocktail hour or something!
I don’t think this would be a happy surprise to a bride or groom, to be honest.
Gads! Unbelievable that she would have only her kid. Clearly she is overstepping and you have every right to have strong reactions to this. And not everyone enjoys having their life shown to a large group of guests.
And why to age 16? Is this her D’s coming out party? 16 makes no sense at all. OH! you never mentioned FDIL is a child bride
I have seen them done nicely. They start with cute little kids pics–alternating the two–and have many at the end of the couple doing activities together. Never have I witnessed on person of the couple being left out. This is not FDIL’s birthday party. Geez.
If you are willing and have the time perhaps you can tell FMIL that the two need to intersperse and end
with them as a couple. Maybe she will get the hint. Hopefully one of her friends will tell her this.
I have no idea how you can say an absolute no. It sounds like telling her that you are not sure it
will be well received is not going to be heard.
She is making my baby issues with D’s FMIL look pretty tame.
Ummm she should have done this at a shower if she wanted to spotlight her D. RD is about the COUPLE. I’d say that no, had she asked a month ago, you maybe could have accommodated, but given the short notice, it’s not possible to compile something recognizing the both of them, so you’re sorry, but the answer is no.
My son and his now wife had a video, but it was created by my daughter, and DIL’s sisters together. Same a @oregon101 stated above, childhood pictures of each rotated, then pictures of the two from the time they started dating to right up to the wedding weekend. What pictures the sisters didn’t own were taken off of their siblings Facebook pages. My DIL always would send me fun pictures of the two of them, so I had several also.
I don’t know how you can reign this woman in, but I feel for you!
I’ve never seen a video or slideshow at a wedding that wasn’t about the COUPLE and their time together. It’s weird to have just her.
When my future daughter-in-law’s older brother got married, she put together a video that was supposed to be about the couple but wound up being about 90% the groom and 10% (if that) the bride. She (FDIL) said that she understood it was unbalanced, but that the bride’s family and friends didn’t respond to her requests for pictures and reminiscences. Whatever, it definitely left a little bit of a bad feeling. My wife and I were there, watching it, and well before it was over we were whispering to each other that we had to figure out how to make certain nothing similar happened at our son’s wedding. (It won’t.)
There is going to be a video, though. And a slideshow of pictures of each growing up, and then together.
I think the request to play a bride-only video at the rehearsal dinner deserves a firm “no.” (It’s hard to hand those out during such an emotionally fraught time, though.) There’s not enough time for the groom’s family to prepare one - and what if you don’t want to prepare one? Would it work to suggest that she play the video when the bride and bridesmaids are getting ready for the wedding, if they’ll all be together then for hair and makeup and photos?
@runnersmom - I think everyone is in agreement that it’s a terrible idea to just have a video of the bride only. It’s too much of a last minute request to ask you to put something together for your son, and of course it should really include the couple - not just individual videos of each. You mentioned that the MOB hired a planner. I would suggest that you contact the planner and ask for her input and suggestion how to handle. She is a neutral third party acting in the interest of the couple, and may be able to nix the idea more tactfully than you can.
@C3Baker, that is a brilliant idea. The planner has already negotiated some land mines, so maybe she can help me with this one, as well. I hate to be the “tattler”, but I don’t know what else to do in this situation. I agree, if someone had volunteered to do a baby bride and baby groom meet and get married kind of thing, I’d have gladly participated. And to be honest, both MOB and I have or are doing something similar with still photos. I did it at the engagement party and will recreate that at the RD, and she is doing something similar at the wedding. She just unearthed this video (apparently they lost a lot of family pictures/video etc. in a storage facility flood) and decided it would be good to share. I love her D, I really do, but this is so pushing all my “mom” buttons. Ya know, my S is getting married, too.
My experience of trying to use the wedding planner to run interference on issues like this is (a) it doesn’t work, (b) it isn’t fair to the wedding planner, and © as the Spanish saying goes, “Él que paga, manda.”
S and DIL got baby through HS pictures from both families to include in their guest book. They tried to get similar pictures, doing similar things at similar ages. Nobody would’ve been happy if there were only photos of one of them.
S1 and DIL absolutrly nixed childhood pics, much less video. My sister, who loves creating these sorts of things, was disappointed. I was disappointed for about a minute, then realized how much else I had to do and breathed a sigh of relief.
Nephew did this at this rehearsal, but each slide was basically him and fiancee side by side at similar ages. Ran at front of room during cocktail hour and until toasts began after dinner. There were some sweet moments since both included pictures with grandparents who have died.
Niece also did this. Happened at rehearsal so I guess she and H did it together? Both were featured and included pics from dating time which they already had on wedding site so easy to get. They had rehearsal at a museum and it ran in a very specific area as you walked in the cocktail space - not visible from where dinner held. If you were interested, you could stop and view, if not you walked on.
Just some ideas if you feel you need to include, but only if can’t get some of S and not as some big feature of the night during dinner.
I wouldn’t get the wedding planner involved. I would say something to the bride’s mother though. Use your best Miss Manners voice and just make it short and sweet. Maybe give her the option of forgoing the whole thing or doing a joint alternating photos thing as described here by others. But I also agree that if the bride and groom wanted photos, they would have done it themselves, so maybe just a no is best. The whole idea of her wanting a video of just her daughter is weird.
I’ve already spoken to the MOB and she just doesn’t get it, so I think I’m going to just have to say no. I’ve thought about the planner and reached the same conclusion as others have mentioned here - I’m not going to put her in the middle of this. I’m also not volunteering to provide pics to make this happen - if B & G wanted this, which I’m pretty sure they don’t, they would have done it - I mean they have all the pictures of them together. There is no out-of-the-way place to run this - it’s a beer hall with one big room and an attached courtyard. I hate to do this since I have no idea how she will respond to an outright no, but I need to do this.
“I hate to do this since I have no idea how she will respond to an outright no, but I need to do this.”
Might be interesting to find out. 
Good luck!
@jhs, yes, she’s paying the planner, but I’m paying for the rehearsal dinner, therefore, I get to say what happens. I have tried my damndest to be inclusive and thoughtful - guess she didn’t notice. There will be no “this is your life Bride of runnersmom’s S” video at the rehearsal dinner.
Well, she just called me about something else and I point blank said no. She tried to justify it as a way to “roast” her daughter, but the evening is not a time for roasting the bride. I then said I would feel horrible if she showed a video of her daughter and there was nothing of my son and she got quite defensive and said that she’d then show it at the Friday night Chinese dinner she’s insisting on having even though the bride and groom have told her they will not attend (tell you something). Because, you know, neither my son, nor my family, nor my friends will be there so I won’t be upset. Geez…whatever.