We are having our day after brunch at the hotel where everyone is staying. Then we will all check out…and head in separate directions…I would think!
Today got the info about the tasting. Sunday after Thanksgiving. Can’t wait!!
I’ve been incredibly busy, just took my d to the airport today. Tomorrow I have a dentist appointment and a million errands. And company coming this weekend.
The wedding and reception were wonderful. We had a great time and the wedding couple was very organized in everything to do with the wedding and reception.
This is the short version. I have a few other things to say and I’ll try to do a bigger post tomorrow.
VH, I had my feelings hurt when DD told H and I to leave their meet and greet…
and then at the end of the reception the next night DD told me that “you and dad need to get out of here”.
WOW. But the next day she told me that the in-laws never ever leave until they are the last guest and
she needed us to go so they would go…
Evidently, they will actually stay until told the event is over and show up early too.
I was feeling guilty as H and I arrived at a decent time and left earlier than the in-laws.
They are super dependent people. H and I are super independent.
Luckily our lounge area is outside of the dancing/dinner room. I know that at some point, the “elders” will probably go there. But we won’t leave until the guests are leaving…as we are the hosts of the event.
There’s definitely something to be said about having the event (rehearsal dinner, wedding, brunch day after) at a venue, not at a home. With a venue, you’ve got the place from X:00 until Y:00, so it’s clear when it’s over. (When the staff starts to fold up the tables!) When it’s home, no one does that. (Although you’d think having my sister in the kitchen putting the left-over food away and washing the serving pieces might have given a hint!)
Good point, @VeryHappy.
But on the other hand, homes don’t have a rental fee.
Ok I’m going to split my posts into 3. The great, one small thing I would like to have been differently and another emotional post about something.
The wedding was great. The sky parted for just the ceremony and it was able to be held outside. It rained before and rained afterwards but cloudy but clear skies for the ceremony. The bride looked so nice, big princess gown and my son looked very handsome. The ceremony was short and sweet, thank goodness because we got rain drops after but things cleared up for pictures.
The kids did a great job with the reception. The food was really good, locally sourced food made from scratch. The cocktail hour went a little long but we had to wait on pictures so not to be avoided.
My son and I danced to Van Morrison days like this, it was so nice. It was really the only time I got to speak to my son and I cherished every second.
The dj was good and the groomsmen danced and danced and were the life of the party. So much fun to see them enjoying themselves.
It was a small wedding, 74 I think. I was able to have conversations with people and we had a great time with the photo booth.
I’m glad it’s over though. We had a great time and it was wonderful but glad to be done.
One thing I wish would have been different and I want to mention it because I know others are planning weddings.
My d was in the wedding and she did not know anyone in the wedding party. The wedding party was made up of people the couple went to college with and one high school best friend of the bride. I like my new DIL but she made no effort to include the grooms sister in anything.
She wasn’t asked to pick out bridesmaids dresses. (D lives in driving distance of the bride but not the bridesmaids, the bride hometown). She wasn’t asked by the MOH to plan the shower or was included in the bachelorette party which was held in brides hometown. My son and dil live in the middle distance from my D and other bridesmaids.
The clincher was that the bride arranged a bridesmaids luncheon on the day of the wedding but did not include D (or me, her mom was). My h was told to pick up his son feed him lunch and get him to the venue. Son ate with his groomsmen and H, D and I ate by ourselves.
D felt very excluded. Bride definitely excluded D, made a comment about how she and the other bridesmaids had reservations but that she wasn’t invited. S told his sister that she must have misunderstood but no she was not invited.
D sobbed for hours. I know I am putting this from my perspective so I don’t know. But to the others planning a wedding, please know that if you include a person in your party that isn’t friends with the rest, please try to include them.
I think my dil felt that d wanted to spend time with her family but it would have been nice to be asked. I think it’s hard to put into words how things went.
But it’s over now. D had a great time at the wedding dancing and having fun with her cousins.
^^^I’m sorry @deb922 , that is horrible! It’s not like your D is 15 and too young for the festivities! I would have cried too.
The ceremony sounded perfect. I’ll be that Mother-Son dance was treasured. <3
Ok I am going to get emotional about this post. I haven’t recapped the wedding because I wanted to think about what I was going to say here (and if I was going to post my previous post about the wedding party).
I would have been those il’s who stayed at the party until my kids left.
I live very far away from my kids. This will be the most I’ve seen my kids in one year since they graduated college, I will see my D 4 times this year, my s a couple more. I live somewhere that is not on the way to anywhere. You are never going to be driving through the area to anywhere. So for my kids to visit, it’s a big deal. Every single minute is precious to me.
If I got 3 more hours with my kids to decompress and discuss the wedding with them, I would be the happiest person ever.
I have to stop. I am so very emotional right now. It’s horrible to have your kids far away and have so few occasions to see them. I could say more but it might be viewed as mean and I don’t want to be like that.
^^ Big and genuine hugs to you @deb922 . What a gift you have been given to treasure time with your kids even when they are adults.
They are lucky.
@deb922 I’m right there with you wanting to treasure every moment with my young adult children. Given distances and their busy schedules/limited vacation time, the moments are more scarce than in the past understandably and very much treasured.
I have a niece that had a similar experience to your daughter regarding the bridesmaid thing and feeling left out. She was the best friend of the groom. All the other bridesmaids were friends of the bride who seemed a little jealous and left her out of all the gatherings they had, even most of the wedding photos. She was very hurt. I’m sure it was a worse feeling as the groom’s sister, though. Hugs and kudos for taking the high road.
OMG, @deb922, I’m so sorry your daughter had to go through that experience. My DIL did include my D for most things, but she decided, why I’m not sure, that my D did not need a bouquet because she was going to walk my mother down the aisle and then stand at one corner of the chuppah. My D thought it was a mistake, so asked the florist where her bouquet was and the florist, to her credit, created one that looked a whole lot like the others at the last second. When speaking to the MOB after the wedding, I mentioned it and she said it had been done on purpose because my D was going to be holding the chuppah…a plan that was eliminated at least a month before the wedding. And when I praised the florist for being so helpful, she said, “great, another added expense.” Not the response I expected or appreciated.
My D even said that she appreciated being included but, as the groom’s sister and almost 10 years younger than the rest of the bridesmaids, she felt like an outsider and would have preferred, actually, to not have been a bridesmaid. If a bride is going to include a sibling of the groom in the wedding party I think she should make a real effort to include her FSIL in a meaningful way. I’m so glad your D had her cousins to hang and celebrate with.
I’ve learned so much from reading these posts - thanks to all of you. Congratulations to the newlyweds and new in-laws and the newly engaged, too.
@VeryHappy , I commiserate with your exhaustion when guests just won’t take the hint to call it a night but I also understand how hard it would be to say goodnight if I might not see my child for a long time. My dh’s grandfather would say to his wife, “Mother, let’s go to bed so these good people can go home.” My dh has threatened to do the same but so far hasn’t followed through for parties, but he has just gone to bed when his relatives visit leaving me to stay up with them.
@deb922 , I hate that your D was treated so poorly by your new DiL, but am glad she was able to put that behind her and enjoy the reception. My ex-SiL treated me the same way when I was a bridesmaid in an older brother’s wedding. It proved to be typical of her behavior. I hope that won’t be the case with your S’s new wife. Maybe she just got caught up in being with old friends and didn’t think.
Our D and FSiL won’t be leaving for their honeymoon immediately. I was happily surprised when D asked if they could come to a casual dinner we’re hosting the day after the wedding for the small group of relatives and out of town guests who’ll still be there. Even though we live just a couple of hours away, we usually only see D about four times a year so I’m delighted for every extra minute with her.
@deb922 - your post #4389 touched my heart. I know how you feel. My only child lives 700 miles away and is getting married next May. She has a demanding job and a full life, so she doesn’t make it home very often. My brain understands all this, but my heart wants to see her more often…to the point where my H and I are seriously considering retiring near her.
My future son-in-law seems like a sweetie right now - let’s see how he behaves when his in-laws are living RIGHT NEXT DOOR. (I’m joking…but only a little.)
@deb922 - Hugs to you. I can relate to being emotional about having kids live far away. I don’t see my daughter very often and it makes me really sad. I see my son a little more often, but it’s still only a handful of times a year. I am battling depression and right now I can’t even bear to be in a group event with my friends who all have their kids living in basically the same home town. Just hearing them talk about how they have dinner together and that kind of thing makes me want to cry. So I totally get where you are coming from. I don’t have an answer for you - if I did, I would be doing it myself! Just cherish those times together and take pride in having raised independent children who are making their way in the world.
I’m sorry about how your daughter was so excluded. It’s just mind-boggling. There is no reason to have someone in the wedding party if you aren’t going to include them in all the activities. I hope that your daughter and her new sister-in-law will be able to have a good relationship in the future without having the wedding events be a big issue - hopefully they can move on. I’m guessing the bride is probably clueless about how she made your daughter feel. And @runnersmom , I am appalled at the MOB’s response about the bouquet. Wow.
D1 is not close with her future sister-in-law, even though they do get along when they see each other. Whereas D1 is very close to all of her bridesmaids and her sister. There were many people who told D1 she should invite her FSIL to be her bridesmaid, but D1 knew she would have to invite her to all events - shower, bachelorette party, etc, and D1 thought the FSIL would feel out of place with her friends. D1 did ask the FSIL if she wanted to be in the wedding party, and her FMIL said to her daughter, “Just remember if you say yes then you’ll have to go to every event and it will be expensive.” The FSIL declined because she is getting married 2 months after D1 and she also didn’t ask D1 to be in her wedding either. They still like each other.
Not to include one of the bridesmaids was simply a gratuitous insult: extremely rude and nasty. No excuse. I am really surprised at the bride and her mother.
It would clearly have been better for your D not to be a bridesmaid at all, and in fact I think that would be perfectly reasonable. If it were known that your D had a burning desire to participate in that way, and the B chose to honor her wishes, then she should be fully welcomed and treated like everyone else, not like some kind of unwanted hanger-on. Whose idea was it that she be a bridesmaid in the first place?
@VeryHappy and @deb922 , I understand the need to rest and recuperate after a period of intense hosting, BUT…as someone who would be the MOG to my only child, whom I do not see often enough, I would be very unhappy to be expected to leave the house while the B&G stayed on with her parents for several precious hours. Who knows when I would see him again. I would feel like a second class citizen, and fear that this was the start of being treated as less important than the bride’s parents. Could be totally irrational and unwarranted, but that is how I would feel. (Unless I made travel plans that required my leaving earlier. That would be different.) @VeryHappy , I appreciate that you showed mercy to them, even though you were exhausted.
The whole thing about the sister of the groom makes me sad.
Thirty years ago when my brother (my only sibling) got married, I waited with my grandmother, my parents, my brother, and the groomsmen to be ready before heading into the ceremony. (The wedding was delayed over an hour, but that is a story for another day.) As I entered the room, a few minutes ahead of the groom, I tried to sit in the seats reserved for family. I was told by the person coordinating the wedding that I was not considered family and that there was no seat for me in the front rows. For whatever reason, the bride and her parents either did not consider me worthy of that privilege or had simply forgotten that the groom had a sister.
At that point (because it was an hour after the wedding was to have started) there was no easy seat for me to get to. I was directed to the back of the room where I stood for the entire ceremony. At the time it really, really hurt. Now, 30 years later, it is a joke on my side of the family. As to my brother’s wife – she is still the same inhospitable person, and I am not sorry that I found that out at the outset of her joining the family.
I am also mad & sad about the sister of the groom being treated poorly. I could go on and on about that type of thing from personal experience, but will just leave it at that. Not the kindest behavior…