No groom’s cake at our wedding, but the wedding cake was chocolate with chocolate chunks and raspberries baked in. 
White chocolate buttercream so it looked traditional on the outside. Still tasted delicious after sitting in the freezer for a year!
Way back when In Scotland when I got married we sent guests that couldn’t make the wedding a pice of cake in the little boxes you mentioned. Our wedding cakes are traditionally a heavy fruit cake with marzipan and royal icing. So it held up being mailed.
Not sure if this still happens. We also kept the top tier for our d1’s first birthday. ( or it can be used for a christening) it was stored icing intact in grease proof paper and a heavy cake box for 5 years. A friend removed the icing and then poured brandy over the cake over a series of weeks. She re iced it in fondant. It was delicious!
It used to be a tradition here, and may still be, to freeze the top tier to eat on the couple’s first anniversary.
Our wedding couple is having a Venetian table for dessert. They will have two small cakes to cut for the cake cutting…one brides and one grooms. Baked by a baker friend.
My S and DIL has a small GF cake made by a friend of her mother’s and no groom’'s cake. I have a large slice of that cake wrapped and frozen in my freezer at the request of my DIL and her mom. First anniversary, I guess!
Our groom’s cake (a thousand years ago) was compliments of my MIL, who said everyone in West Hartford, CT has them (or did, when she was of marrying age!). It was fruitcake, and everyone was given a small box with a piece to take home (I think you were supposed to sleep on it??). SIL thinks D must have one for her wedding … not happening.
Which brings me to extended family expectations. D & FSIL are considering what their parents might want as part of the wedding/reception, but they have no interest in what anyone else in the family thinks should or should not be done. We support them 100%. SIL has a habit of expecting everyone to do the things she thinks should be done, the way she thinks they should be done. I hope she keeps her mouth shut, if she thinks something is not as she expects …
The extended family here is not being asked for opinions…and so far no one has offered anything they expect to be done.
TBH…I would find that sort of rude.
I would tell SIL politely but firmly that the happy couple will seek her opinion if they want it. Period!
We are trying to be sensitive to the challenges DS’s fiancée has with divorced parents (a dad who won’t contribute a dime to the wedding but will act like he paid for it if he attends) and a mom who would love to pay but can’t. So we are funding the wedding, but the invitation sounds like it will be worded something like “together with their families, son xxx and future DIL xxxx invite you to…” I guess that’s the most delicate way to handle it but paying for it and not having our names on the invitation just hurts a little.
I am paying for the wedding and the ex is not contributing anything. Originally I just wanted my name on it,
Ms Oldfort
request the honor of your presence to blah blah
But my daughter didn’t want the invitation to scream “my dad isn’t doing anything for me.” I agreed to have the invitation to go out in both of our names. At the end of day, people who know me well know I am the one who is doing all the work, and people who do not know me well then it doesn’t matter.
If there are issues about disguising who is paying, why not just word the invitation to read that the B&G invite them to the wedding? Everyone will likely assume that the parents/grandparents are at least helping with the costs, anyway.
D’s invites won’t say that anyone is inviting … they will simply invite the recipient to attend the wedding/reception.
^^ Even better!
What’s the wording, @kelsmom ?
It will be something like, “Please join us for the wedding of …”
Who is “us”? Does that refer to the bride and groom?
Name of Bride
and
Name of Groom
Request Your Presence at Their Marriage
on Date . . . .
@oldfort I will one day be in the same boat you are. I will hopefully be as gracious.
Actually, there are circumstances where people might not assume this. We are giving the $ to our s that should cover most if not all of the wedding costs( including Friday night dinner and gathering, the wedding (and ancillary costs), after party and Sunday Brunch. If the costs go up, DS will cover it. And it wouldn’t be beyond reason that he might pay for his own wedding.
I am
Like Oldfort. Will defer to what the kids want, but it felt for a moment that withall the tiptoeing around the issues with her parents , our feelings were getting overlooked.
My daughter and son-in-law used the wording "You are cordially invited to attend the wedding of [bride’s name] and [groom’s name].
This wording completely avoids the issue of who’s paying, which is none of anyone’s business anyway. However, it might be too informal for a wedding that takes place in a house of worship. (They had a nonreligious brunch wedding in a hotel, so formality was not an issue.)