I was very surprised that my D took her husband‘s last name without even a hyphen. Our last name is easily misspelled & almost always mispronounced, but I was still surprised. The new last name is only four letters, though.
Argh. I just finished changing all my beneficiaries because I revised my will. It was excruciating. If D1 changes her name, I suppose I have to go back and change all of them again. (buries head in sand… hopes kid keeps maiden name…)
If she changes her name, she’ll have a chain of proof she is who she is.
You may modify your will later, anyway, as your kids have their own. You could make the name change later.
DD and SIL just got back from their short honeymoon. They were in Maine where the weather was terrific…80’s during the day and 60’s at night (unusual for this time of year). They had a great time. They actually drove to the top of Mt. Washington on the auto road on a crystal clear day. I’m looking forward to seeing those pictures!
Thank-you for all the well wishers heres. I will try to keep it brief…As most of you know, my kid’s wedding was multi events. We had a wine tour on Thu, tea ceremony and welcome party on Fri, wedding/reception on Sat and brunch on Sun. The weather was very iffy beginning of week. We were very concerned about it because we had events outdoor. The weather turned out to be perfect. It was sunny on Thu for the wine tour. There were about 60 people for the tour. Everyone had a great time on the bus. D1’s sorority sisters took some nice pictures at various wineries.
On Fri guests started arriving. The tea ceremony was supposed to just bring in a bit of our tradition to the wedding and only the immediate family members were invited. It turned out to be very emotional. The groom’s father completely broke down when it was his turn to receive the tea. We all gave some words of wisdom to the couple and they received red envelope from each of us.
On Fri night right before the welcome party there was a huge thunder storm but it cleared up after 7. The inn were at had a nice patio, so many guests went outside to enjoy the evening. Dinosaur barbecue was very good and the inn was known for their cocktails. It really kicked off the wedding weekend for us.
Sat was like a whirlwind. We started getting ready at 8, D1 and I did some photo shoots at 11 (helping her into her dress) and the couple did their first look at 12. We found a beautiful glass building at the school with stairs where D1 could walk up to meet the groom. We then met them at 1:30 for family photos. D1 had a list of photos to be taken and her best friend got people in and out. we were done by 2:30. D1’s dad and I walked D1 down the aisle. Everyone loved her dress. The ceremony was about 20 minutes and it was very personal. Groom’s Godmother, sister, D1’s 2 best friends and I each did a reading. The couple wrote their own vows. Both of them cried while reading their vows. There were a lot of sniffling from the guests. Right after the wedding we had a small reception on a patio off the ceremony site. It was cloudy and 72 degree, which was perfect. The photographer took many portraits (extended family, sorority, fraternity, various combinations) while the guests enjoyed champagne and wine.
The reception was really the highlight. It was D1 and mine vision. We had the restaurant clear out everything and brought in farm tables and various chairs (ghost chairs, metal chairs). The tables had garlands and fresh flowers on the garland. We made little vases with flowers/greenery for name cards. We also had tall greeneries on various tables. The planner executed it perfectly. She had 3 assistants with her to move various things from the ceremony to the venue. She The food was very good. We only had 3 speeches and each was less than 5 minutes. They were all very heartfelt and no one rambled.
The couple did some shoots on the roof top around sunset. D1’s sorority sisters did a little ceremony off to a side while we were dancing. The DJ was great. We danced for 3 hours. I think almost everyone was on the floor. Yes, there were few Springsteen songs. 
A lot of people came up to me to let me know how much fun they were having. This morning we had a nice brunch at the inn and the weather was very nice. It was a nice wrap up to the weekend.
I am absolutely exhausted now. It is going to take a while for me to recover. It was very stressful leading up to the event. I don’t think we could have done it without the planner. She was every where. Whenever she saw me or D1 wondering around she would come up to see what we needed. She packed up everything up for us after the wedding.
The wedding was everything D1 wanted. For me the nicest part of the whole weekend was seeing how two sides of families came together. Everyone was introducing themselves to each other. It was very touching to see the couple’s friends come together to do everything they could to make the weekend special for them. They were such fun group of young adults. My family was on point, no drama/issues. Our niece/nephews all came with SOs and they all got along (I learned few dance moves from them). The happy couple is off to their honeymoon tomorrow.
I promised this to be short. Glad it is over, so waiting for next one(s) up to bat.
Oh, @oldfort, it sounds wonderful! I’m so glad that everything was as you and your D had hoped and planned, including the weather! You’ve created memories that will last forever for your D, your SIL, and everyone who had the pleasure and honor of attending. Now, rest!!!
@oldfort sounds lovely and touching. Congratulations!
Happy at the wedding report @oldfort. Did you like your dress, did they get over their colds, flowers were as desired, did you miss the bells not ringing? I want the long report lol!
Wow, @oldfort! Happy that the multi-faceted weekend went off so well, with even the weather cooperating. Sounds like a beautiful and meaningful time. Love that the tea ceremony was so impactful.
I hear you on the exhaustion in the final run-up. The last week stress isn’t easy.
That said, I must echo your relief at having a coordinator or a planner. In the last 6 months, the necessity became obvious. I might not be able to decide to attend without one.
It’s not just the last-week stress. It’s the fact that during the wedding weekend itself, there’s no downtime, which we’re used to. Every minute is spent “hosting” in some way, worrying about something, or getting ready for some event. No time to sit and vege out while watching “Say Yes to the Dress.” I need my downtime.
D had a friend who married and both had short last names. They chose to combine them to creat their own last name. It worked well in this situation. I guess it’s kind of like hyphenating without the hyphen. It would be interesting to see their family tree in a few generations.
It sounds great, @oldfort.
And I think you’ve provided important advice about the importance of a planner in complex multi-event weddings.
@oldfort, the whole thing sounds absolutely wonderful! What a marvelous and meaningful experience for all involved. Congratulations.
Sounds wonderful, @oldfort! Congrats on a perfect weekend!
DS’s wedding is about 3 1/2 weeks away. Hope he gets back from his overseas work trip in time!
Sounds like a great planner is worth his/her weight in gold…a planner who does not live up to expectations creates stress rather than relieving it. That’s my only piece of advice to those still in the planning stages - vet your options carefully. As those who were here last fall know, the planner my DIL and her M hired created more problems than she solved.
Regarding the name changing discussion, my DIL came to the marriage with a rather long hyphenated last name and a pretty well-known professional byline. She did not change her name.
Not only did we have a planner day-of, but the church had a wedding coordinator. She was a trip! The bridesmaids agreed that when she said jump, the appropriate response was, “How high?” Between the planner and coordinator, I was able to relax before the ceremony. I really did appreciate not having to move flowers between church and venue, move the gift table from the downstairs cocktail hour to the upstairs dining area, or gather everything up at the end … she even had a cart for us to move things to the car. It was money well spent.
@oldfort , sounds like it was a great weekend!
I will post as I remember…
D1 scheduled a walk through with the planner, so we changed the schedule a bit as we figured out some of the logistics.
We also met with the photographer and videographer 2 days before the wedding to choose where photos would be taken. I didn’t realize it wouldn’t be good to do photos outside because of shadows from trees and buildings. It was very helpful because on the day off, we didn’t have to waste time in looking for a place to take photos. D1 wanted to have pictures taken around the campus, so they had a shuttle to drive the crew around. D1 also had a list of photos she wanted to take and her friend just read off the list. As an example for the groom’s immediate family, they were gathered there first. Bride and groom didn’t move, and the friend just called out, “Ma, Dad, Sis, grandpa, grandma.” then" grandpa, grandma out, Sis and BF in," “Sis and BF out, Ma & Dad stay.” We were able to do the family pics before the wedding in less than an hour. Some people may think it’s an over kill, but we have heard from a lot of people that they were so excited on the day of they forgot some key pictures, like mother and the bride. The groom’s grandparents were a lot older, so as soon as they were done, they went to a room (library) by the ceremony to wait for us. In the library, we had food, water, and champagne for the bridal party and parents/grandparents.
Congratulations Oldfort!
My D who got married two weeks ago, was going to take her husband’s name up until the moment that she applied for the marriage license, then she couldn’t bring herself to do it. So she didn’t! She is keeping her name as it is on her birth certificate, but she has decided to never be offended if people refer to her as Mrs. _____. My son-in-law is just so excited to be married to her and wearing a wedding ring to prove it that he never considered having an opinion on her name.
My other D who is getting married in a few months is definitely changing her name.
@oldfort, having that list and someone to coordinate was brilliant on yours and your D’s part. Our photographer was much more into the “joy of the day” photos and we do not have many of the family groupings I would have liked to have. No one asked me, of course, but I do think there were many missed opportunities. MOB agreed with me once she saw the admittedly beautiful photos, noting that she missed what should have been some significant people photographed with the bride and groom in a more formal setting. Their planner was no where to be found during the photography, too. So happy for you that everything seemed to flow so smoothly! Congratulations to the whole family and best wishes for your D and SIL to enjoy a wonderful and relaxing honeymoon.
Congratulations, Oldfort. Your wedding weekend sounds wonderful.