@intparent good you to be able to vent here.
@mom60 if the crudités gets messy, that is a venue issue. Our venue had one person who kept that very neat and tidy.
Hugs to you @intparent. I’ve thought about your music situation over the last couple of days and I think I would also be having an internal come apart. I love that Masters music, but I can’t imagine it as processional music, especially for the reasons you give. However, it could be so much worse, so just repeating - hugs and hope everything else brings you and your family joy as the wedding approaches:)
BTW, at least some of your friends will understand if you role your eyes or vent quietly. After Christmas, I was recounting a story of S, DIL, & GrD visit to a friend. Her supportive response was “I get it. I’m a mother-in-law, too.”
We come from a very musical family with a number of classically trained folks in the just about immediate family.
@intparent for this wedding, that piece is being played by a string group, right? Honestly…those in the audience will likely have one of several reactions.
- Gee...what a pretty song. I recognize it but don’t know where from.
- Oh gee...that’s the song they play at the Masters. Isn’t it great? The groom loves golf.
- Nice string piece. What is it?
- Or...no reaction at all because music isn’t their thing.
At weddings, most folks just wouldn’t have the reaction…”ew…I hate that piece because it’s associated with golf”.
Really, once the bride starts walking down the aisle, that piece will be in the past. And your beautiful daughter will be the focus anyway…not one song being played.
Vent away here…that’s fine. But really, it’s going to be OK.
Nope. The DJ is doing the ceremony music… Yet another thing I’d have done differently. Honestly, 99% of what they are doing that I wouldn’t, I’ve maybe commented briefly but not more, and let them do what they want. I can live with the DJ (he has done other ceremonies at this venue, too). But that gives them unlimited choices, and should be easy to change…
As for music, D chose classical instrumentals for the ceremony. They were lovely. For the reception, I advised her to remember all the generations, so there was some contemporary and some from the 50’s to the 90’s.
Another thing. Due to venue rules, the decibel level of the music was not loud. I attended another wedding where the reception music was so loud that no one could converse and some even left because the noise level was bad for the ears.
@intparent ok…I still say…the reactions folks have to the music will be the same. And really…at a wedding, no one will complain to anyone about the ceremony music…at all.
Now…the volume of the DJ during dancing? Good luck with that! It’s almost always too loud!
My advice to myself during wedding planning was to offer opinions only when specifically asked. As MOG, many decisions were shared with me but my opinion was requested on only a few. Trust me, I would not have chosen the invitations they chose, the wording they chose, or many of the other things they chose. I decided early on that it was their wedding and I would support their decisions unless something would be hurtful to a member of our immediate family. Luckily, it never came to that, nor did I think it would. Was everything to my taste or the way I would have done it, no. Was it a beautiful day filled with love, absolutely. @intparent, I get needing a place to vent about things that just push your buttons and I was so grateful for this community whose members served that function for me, along with my IRL friends!
Thimper,Thumper, 5rh possible reaction: oh, I didn’t realize the masters was using such a lovely wedding song.
With DS#2, they cut the live band due to cost and stayed with a DJ. He was FABULOUS. He was better than a band (and I would not have thought that going into it) as he took up less space and he was VERY entertaining.
There were only a few things we discussed and problem-solved together: the wording of the invitation (given the delicacies of the family situation with DIL’s dad), what they wanted for the rehearsal dinner/welcome party, and having bags with a welcome letter for the out of towners. They didn’t see the need but I really wanted to do that and they really didn’t care, but ultimately thought it might be fun if it included snacks that they ate in college and now. That turned out to be a great hit. They initially thought the rehearsal dinner and welcome party were unnecessary, but I felt we should take care of out of town guests. They came up with the venues (very low key pizza and a bar). So we compromised- I wanted to take care of out of towners- they wanted a very casual evening. And ya know what? It was GREAT!! We had no input into the processional or recessional music and I am sure it was lovely (no memory of what it was) , the venue, the food, the transportation (though that turned out to be fun for the guests) etc. We used a 1-10 rating scale. If something was a 9 to me but only a 7 to them, we considered that in the decision-making. I felt more strongly about taking care of guests Fri night, they felt more strongly that if so, they wanted it to be VERY casual. Perfect compromise. And everyone was comfortable with it.
Now if there was some really REALLY significant reason why a song brought up horribly painful memories or something for a parent, well maybe that could be discussed. The only processional I remember was my SIL/BIL’s wedding decades ago, b/c they played Ave Maria and my MIL about plotzed!!
I’m partial to Handel’s Water Music myself. 
@runnersmom I feel like as MOB I have a bit more room to express an opinion (and as someone who wrote them a large check to pay for this event, I also think so — I’m a single parent, and FOB isn’t chipping in a cent).
^^ I agree. If you are paying, then I think your opinion should carry some weight; at the very least, it merits a lot of consideration and discussion.
And of course you should feel free to vent here!
Not to rub it in - but D chose music from Handel’s Water Music as her recessional.
Has the groom’s side contributed to the cost or is it all on your shoulders, @intparent? Are the bride and groom paying for anything themselves?
I think the groom’s parents contributed some when they asked to increase the guest list by about 1/3 (which I have no problem with). I haven’t asked the amount, and have been trying to be particularly respectful of their budget related decisions.
@intparent, I totally agree. As MOB who is footing much of the cost, your opinion should certainly be considered. Is there a possibility that they will be open to compromise? Might your FSIL have another piece he likes as well if you explain your reluctance to use the theme from the Masters? I do know that when my S expressed a strong opinion on something, the MOB (who was paying for the bulk of the wedding - her choice, we offered) did take his desires into consideration, even when she disagreed with him. I’d hate to see a few minutes of music color your enjoyment of what I’m sure will be a wonderful day.
I’m going there for a shower next weekend, and have been weighing how to approach it. I have talked to my D, but am considering talking to future son in law. I’d be glad if they incorporated his love of golf somehow (how about a putting option for reception guests, tees with their names on them, that music played during the reception at some point, etc?) Just not that processional music.
Intparent, did they share with you choice of venue, menu, color scheme? Are you happy with these choices? Have you an idea of what kind of dress you will be wearing?
As a MOG, I don’t expect to have input, but I think it would be nice if they consulted with you. Is the groom’s parents planning a rehearsal Dinner?
Venue - yes, D sent links and we talked at length. Their decision in the end, and I like the place they picked.
Menu - D is a foody, so I wasn’t worried. I don’t love that that steak option will be cooked medium, but that is what the groom wants, and as long as they said on the RSVP, I’m fine with it. I did think a buffet would be more economical, but D has apparently never been to an east coast wedding that was not plated, so she insisted. I didn’t press. And the rehearsal dinner (paid for by groom’s family) is at Ruth Chris, so I can get steak the way I like it then.
Color scheme - dark blue. I don’t think it photographs that well, but didn’t push for a change. D approved my dress, shoes, etc. And Ibe put a lot of time into making sure D2 is transported, dressed, shod, and groomed as a bridesmaid.
I think it will be quite elegant — I just think the ceremony itself is kind of like that college kid where missed the mark in their essay. Someone said, “incorporate stuff you like”, and they missed that they should limit the sports and pop culture elements.
I disagree. If we start doling out planning privileges based on whether or not parents contribute that leads to ugly situations where the family who can pay more believes that entitles them to more of a say than other family. That’s not a great way to start married life.
Lol, a putting option sounds like fun for golfers. Or playing the Masters theme for their first dance (will there be dancing?)
I want to say we all have tensions about weddings. Thinking back on this thread, I don’t remember which posters, but so many expressed concerns. Whether kids were on a schedule, aware of misc details, whether a bar would accommodate those who need to sit and keep out interlopers, someone flying in without much room for a flight delay, if people would get to the transport busses in time, parking issues, vegans, whether in laws would contribute or make impossible demands, and on and on. That’s just some of the recent things I remember. But everyone has them.
And in the end, nearly everyone was okay, happy, had plenty of good memories.
It’s okay to be tense. We have years of imagining these weddings…and then have to make something happen, enough something, meet others’ needs or limitations. And we want to be happy, too.
I love the old CA expression, “EGBOK.” Everything’s going to be OK. We all love our kids. It will be OK.
Vent here, intparent. (And others.) We’re here.
I’m not someone who imagined my own wedding or my kids’ weddings ahead of time (although D2 swears if she ever ties the knot, she will get get married at the courthouse with family only and go out for a nice dinner afterwards —and I bet she will!). I don’t have a ton of preconceived notions. Wondering if I could appeal to D on the elegance of the physical side she has worked so hard on, and maybe moving the ceremony a bit more in that direction to match…