I know these things are very much optional, I was just hoping someone had actually seen something neat at a wedding. We have not, despite having been to the usual boatload and variety of weddings. Bride to be was raised by a single, only child, mom. No siblings. I do not want the other Mom to feel marginalized, nor do I want the bride to feel bulldozed. A lovely problem to have .
Hmm. Sorry for not understanding fully. So no bride-parent/other relative dance? Groom would like a mother-son dance? I have seen a bride do a dance with a dear male friend; her father was there but she was estranged from both parents. DJ introduced both that dance and a mother-son dance and it went over fine.
Our now s-i-l wanted to honor his mother’s preference not to dance (it isn’t a cultural tradition for them). Our DD wanted to dance with her father. It worked out well as DJ invited guests and family members to join in 3/4 of the way through the father-daughter dance. MiL didn’t want attention, but if she didn’t mind, could have been mentioned by DJ. Don’t know if that helps.
Remember when Prince Harry married Meghan Markle, and Prince Charles walked her partway down the aisle because her father was not present? It was a nice gesture – showing how she was welcome in her new family.
The concept could apply to dances, too. If the groom is going to dance with his mother and if there’s concern that the bride might feel left out because she doesn’t have a male relative to dance with, how about inviting her to dance with her new father-in-law or another man from her new family?
When DS#2 just married, his now FIL was invited but apparently he firm limits on what he could/could not do. He did not walk her down the aisle, he did not post for family photos (he/dad and the bride and groom were photographed separately- not with the rest of her family), he sat with his few relatives and there was no father/daughter dance. What they did was have a first dance with the bride and groom, and then the floor filled with other immediate wedding party (bride danced with my H while I danced with my son, and the sisters with their significant others and my other s and his wife, IIRC. Her mom had a stress fracture so could do very little on her feet. It all worked out well.
I didn’t want attention called to me (I cant dance) so appreciated that the family dancing was all at once.
@intparent- good luck with the shower this weekend.
ack typos- FIL had firm limits— did not pose for family photos.
H’s brother, whose mother was long-deceased, danced wth his new mother-in-law for his mother-son dance. My niece was walked down the aisle by, and danced with, both her father and stepfather. S and I chose not to do a mother-son dance after the father-daughter dance because even the thought of it felt unbearably awkward. D’s fiance’s mom died about 10 years ago. His dad remarried a few years ago, but fiance doesn’t know or care for his “stepmom.” I’m sure there will be no mother-son dance at their wedding. Not sure if D will do a father-daughter dance since this is the case. (If they have one, I’m pretty sure H wants to use the song “Turn Around” to make me cry.)
Looking at the catering quote, I see they have 2 servers for our 100 person sit down dinner. I think it’s time to call the venue and see if we can get another caterer.
We had three servers for 125 people…and they were efficient and terrific. Everyone was served their meals nice and piping hot.
@toledo you were talking about a buffet dinner upstream. Is this a sit down dinner or a buffet.
With the buffet, we had to order 200 servings of meat if we wanted to offer our 100 guests 2 choices. It ended up being the same price as plated, where they can choose among 3 entrees.
I’m so confused. When we signed our contracts…it included the price for the type of service we wanted (sit down), number of appetizers, number of entrees (we didn’t have to specifically choose those until later), the times the venue was available to us, all the services offered by the venue, etc.
We had added costs for chair set up for ceremony, and costs for food for the girls get ready rooms.
I realize your venue is also not your caterer…but seems to me, this all should have been cleared up before the contract and deposit for the venue/only caterer were signed.
Another thing to check @toledo some Caterers charge different prices for different entrees. For example, chicken is less costly than filet mignon. You need to find that out too…because unless you are budgeting for filet for everyone…you could be surprised at the upcharge for a more expensive entree if there is one.
It sounds like your daughter really likes this venue…so I hope it all works out.
One way to cut costs…and perhaps the best way…is to reduce the number of guests.
For me, 2 servers for 100 people would be too few. Assuming you have 10 tables of 10, by the time the last two tables are served, the first tables will be done with their dinner. Also, does that include additional support staff? Bus people, etc. who would at least bring the trays out so serving can be quick? Will dinner options be chosen in advance or will guests choose at the table? If the latter (and even with the former, with indicators on the place cards), serving can be more involved (and take more time) than just putting a plate in front of each person. @toledo, I’m in your camp - I’d be investigating another caterer if that is an option.
We had 200 people at the wedding. Table sizes ranged from 8 to 20 people at each (variety of rounds and long) and, if I remember correctly, teams of 2 servers, with each team covering only 2-3 tables of varying sizes. This, in addition to a banquet manager and assistant who assisted with serving.
We had 160 people, a sit down dinner, and a boatload of servers. Thank goodness we had a bar package rather than paying by the drink, because the wait staff was almost too efficient in clearing glasses when people stepped away to dance or chat!
We had a contact that spelled everything out, and the venue was very clear about everything with D as she was making the decision whether or not to go with them. There were no surprises at any point.
Our venue told us we had 3 catering companies to choose from. They didn’t tell us they were all owned by the same company, but refer to themselves as “different companies.”
“We had a contact that spelled everything out, and the venue was very clear about everything with D as she was making the decision whether or not to go with them. There were no surprises at any point.”
Smart way to do business. It’s all about managing customer expectations. Why start out on a bad note?
Done with the bridal shower. It was a big success. D looked beautiful, she got a great Rent The Runway dress. It was in a private room at a nice French restaurant. I met many of the women from the groom’s extended family I didn’t know yet, and saw her HS & college friends I do know. Games were played, gifts were opened, mimosas and crepes and profiteroles were consumed. We managed to fit all the gifts (including the huge plant from the groom’s grandma) into groom’s SUV. One event down!
Very nice @intparent
I guess I don’t understand why the provisions for your dinner were not spelled out in your contract with the caterer…or is that what you are working on…now?
Since there were only “three” options…did you have access to all of their wedding packages before you actually signed to use this venue?
I still think…it might be worth switching venues. There is no need for this kind of annoyance in just the planning stage.
And if you did sign a contract already, the venue’s misleading statement that their are 3 different catering options when it is only one business would give you a legitimate reason to back out of the contract, IMO.
Did you discuss the music concern with your DD/FSIL? What happened, @intparent?
Not yet, groom was out of town til late yesterday. Discovered that his mom knows and finds it “cute”. We are spending a couple hours (bride, groom, and I) going over all details this afternoon (logistics, ceremony, rain plan, etc). Will bring up then.
Question: has anyone used the DJ to also play the ceremony music? He has a sound system for the ceremony music & vows (think he has done other venues, but not this one). We will get to do a sound check about an hour before guests arrive. But he isn’t at the rehearsal. I’m worried he might miss a music cue or something. I’m sure D will give him info, but at this point she doesn’t have a script/ program herself of the ceremony. She emailed the minister yesterday (who they have been working with on all this), no response yet.
On another note, wife of one of her readers suffered a seizure last week — he lives across the country, and the wife (with Alzheimer’s) is very dependent on him. He was going to bring her with a caregiver, but not it is not clear now that they will make it. D is going to find a backup reader (for whatever the reading is, D has not yet divulged).
Sad about the reader. But glad your DD is making back-up arrangements just in case. Unfortunately stuff happens. DIL#2’s grandmother got sick, so, sadly her grandparents did not attend the wedding and our table had a very few seated at it because of that. And DIL forgot to have someone video the ceremony for them to see 