2016 and beyond wedding moms and dads (Part 1)

I don’t think we live in a particularly popular area…and we have a ton of wedding venues.

Still…our venue choice was made 19 months before the wedding. Photographer was booked a month later. Band was also booked at that time.

We were able to finalize the florist closet to the wedding date…maybe 6 months before?

I think it would,have been possible to find a different venue than the ones we looked at…but not perhaps our top choices.

We had no flexibility on the date…at all. It had to be Memorial Day weekend.

D’s May wedding was a Friday wedding. It was the only way they could have their wedding at that particular venue (the minimum was too high for the number of guests they wanted on Saturday, and a Sunday wedding was not something they wanted). They stressed at first, but their friends assured them it was fine. Save the date cards let folks know far enough in advance for vacation requests, if people needed to (and chose to) miss work to come. We figured there would be local guests who missed the 4 pm wedding but came to the reception. We were surprised that everyone made the wedding. Since D’s wedding, we have seen a number of Facebook posts from friends whose kids had Friday weddings weddings & others who attended Friday weddings.

D wrote what I understand were lovely thank you notes … as soon as she received gifts (many were mailed in advance). I was pretty proud, especially considering that I had to fight with her about writing thank you notes when she was younger.

@kelsmom I also had DDs write and learn to write thank you notes - from when they could barely write their name, to writing the whole note. DD2 is able to zip notes out pronto, while DD1 takes her time. Glad your DD took care of her notes like my DD2 would.

Yes Fridays have become more popular wedding dates, especially as many have offices where Friday is a looser work day and easier to have off for a long weekend.

I don’t think the church where we had DD’s wedding would schedule more than a year in advance, due to other things potentially scheduled with the Catholic Diocese - her wedding was at the Cathedral (a ‘mini’ Cathedral as our Diocese was formed in the 1960’s from a bigger Diocese, and this was the secondary location; but a grand church for the wedding). There were 3 wedding parties at our hotel, and one of them also wanted the Cathedral but settled for one of the other Catholic churches in the city because DD/SIL got the Cathedral already. For a Catholic wedding, with full Mass, more time is spent for that part of the wedding celebration. The church had a wedding coordinator that made sure everything at the church went great, and all the fees for the church were spelled out.

For many, a very good wedding coordinator - who knows area venues, caterers, etc can be very cost effective and also help sidestep issues. Fortunately, DD lived in her city for going on 6 years and had a network of information that helped her wedding be terrific and also stay in budget - family catering operation that served wonderful food, floral lady that worked out of her home (master gardener friend was complimentary on the flowers), we knew one of the lead people in the jazz band that played. The rehearsal dinner was at the church/center where DD volunteered a lot and they didn’t charge for use of the facility, and the groom’s parents had a local BBQ place cater the food - very well received and worked out great for all out of town guests and the bridal party/family. Our people constraint was the church hall/reception space - and we stretched it with high boy tables on a outside balcony area and along one side of the space, and had enough chairs along that side so all could sit down. Since the wedding was in a different city than where we live, I didn’t feel any pressure for a small friends’ list of invitees - some could make it and some could not. DD was actually relieved on the ones from my list who couldn’t make it as they had a lot of local friends invited and did feel the need to invite all that they did.

The large round tables at the venue are same size as our church hall’s tables (we didn’t have to rent most of the tables and chairs - just needed to set up and tear down, only needed to rent the high boy tables, the wedding cake/groom cake table, and a few others) so I bought from a vendor in our city these 16 navy table clothes (buying was only maybe $12 more for table cloth) and donated them to our church after the wedding. DD received some long white table clothes from a friend who purchased for her wedding and had not further use - so DD has provided them for other weddings too. I told DD she needed to rent any of the other table clothes she needed, which they did (and I had to remind her of this a few weeks before the wedding, as that was coming out of their depleted funds - and their cash flowing of the tail end costs).

DD/SIL learned from other weddings they attended, and had a pretty well planned out event. I was handed a copy of the details from rehearsal dinner through reception take down. At the reception take down, whatever friends were lined up to help disappeared, so I got a few others to help (loading gifts and other things into vehicles, etc).

Don’t be so sure they weren’t taught to write thank yous. My kids used to use stickers and stamps for theirs before they could write, and never skipped one from toddlerhood through HS. Now one is a quick & diligent thank you note writer, and the other still needs prodding.

They are who they are. You can lead them to water …

“We figured there would be local guests who missed the 4 pm wedding but came to the reception. We were surprised that everyone made the wedding”

Son’s wedding was out of town and the couple thought some of our friends wouldn’t attend because of the very long drive, taking off work etc. We assured them that we had a group who loves a good party and enough money to show up when and wherever .Sure enough–everyone came.

Last week was a fun time. The “kids” flew to the city they are getting married in to look at possible venues. Even tho the wedding is more than a year away, there were no Saturday nights available. I love their final,choice, it’s got personality. They are leaning towards a day when the Marathon takes place, which worries me. Their venue is not on the route , but they did agree to ask the venue coordinator.

Will that affect the price of the hotel rooms and the airfare in/out of town that weekend, @bookworm? DS#1 and wife got married in a mountain venue, but the nearest hotels were in a town whose college graduation was that weekend, and the hotel room block price was $$$$$$. Like 2-3X the normal price!

Jym626, that is my worry. So, I looked up the path of Marathon and it is several miles east.

As MOG, what more can I do than bring it to,kids’ attention? I asked them to talk with coordinator. I could email her parents, who live in that city, but that feels intrusive. There seem to be many hotels near the venue.

Went through something similar with S1 and DIL. Their wedding was the same weekend as a major event in the area. Getting room wasn’t an issue, but they were considerably more expensive than expected. Both DIL’s father and I warned them of this before they booked their venue, but they did it anyway.

@bookworm- maybe have someone call a few hotels near the venue now and ask when you need to book for the marathon weekend and whether they would offer wedding block rates then and cost. Would there be a two night minimum? You will get an idea of how impacted the area is. Places near the starting line can be booked way ahead, as can places along the route. DSiL has done multiple marathons and books hotels early, noting that even the slightly off route ones are busy with those trying to avoid the highest rates. All potential challenges will vary with the size of the marathon, of course.

DD booked a Sunday night coastal town wedding in June in part to avoid imposing a two night minimum (with sky high Saturday night rates) on her guests. Some were happy to spend a weekend and others stayed one night at a more reasonable rate.

I looked up many hotels in area and checked their prices for now, and for the weekend next month when the 2018 marathon will be. Sure enough, the prices are elevated. The rates go,down the following week. (I just checked two, but I can see the trend.)

The first weekend in October 2019 falls between the Jewish holidays, but that would still be better. Or, they could wait until later in month.

I will work on a tactful e-mail and send it tomorrow. I thank you all for your comments and sharing my concerns.

@bookworm

Our kid got married Memorial Day weekend…and if I only had looked at the hotel websites, I would have thought this unaffordable…because there were a couple of large private school graduations that weekend.

As it happened, my block of rooms came in LOWER than even the following weekends or weekdays.

I think you need to contact the hotel about room blocks. They will give you their prices for the block of rooms as well as the deadline for reserving. We let folks know where our block was even before the Save the Date cards were sent.

We went to a wedding in Charleston the weekend of that Bridge race in April a couple of years ago. Luckily, the wedding was on Sunday and all the runners were gone…race was Saturday! IIRC. In any event…the couple was able to find a few options for hotels and blocked at two places with two price points…one less costly and further away, and one nearer to the venue but a little more costly.

D1 got married in a college town. I told her to book the weekend in between th graduation and alumni reunion.i didn’t want my guests to have to pay premium for hotels. It was good D1 and I were in agreement, but I was not going to be tactful about it.

Remember, I’m the MOG.

We have attended weddings over holiday weekends. The airfare and car rental prices (yes we need a car) were higher.

oops past tense (missed the edit window) we needed a car

@bookworm, I feel you. MOG is a tricky position. I always felt like I had to tread very lightly, especially as MOB was footing most of the bill. Our kids’ wedding was also on a holiday weekend, but in NYC where there are plenty of hotels and hotel rates were not impacted.

@bookworm

Maybe the easiest thing is to ask the groom and bride to research room block prices at a variety of price points. That’s the best you can do.

You’d want a price guarantee. We hit this on graduation, where prices we reserved at still went up at nicer hotels.

It’s true the MOB holds an extra card, but guests are a big aspect of a wedding. I’d just say, “I’ve heard there’s a hotel issue and think we should check this out.”