At my S’s wedding of we had at least 6 kids on our side (youngest (ring-bearer) was 5) and several on the other side as well. I enjoyed seeing them and they enjoyed dancing and taking pictures in the photo booth. I have read articles about why people want adult only weddings and their reasons seem valid. Although it wouldn’t be my preference.
At our recent wedding my S wanted his 2nd cousins children to be included. They were the only kids invited. They ranged from 6-10. They were terribly behaved but did sit quietly through the ceremony. For the next family wedding those children will not be invited. My D is struggling with whether to include a couple of step cousins of the groom who are teenagers.
Years ago when my sister got married she didn’t want toddlers and young children at the reception. She hired two sitters who were college aged children of her boss. I was happy to leave my 3 year old who was my third. My SIL who also had a three year old was not willing to leave her child. It was her first child and they had never left her with anyone but family.
“My D is struggling with whether to include a couple of step cousins of the groom who are teenagers.”
What are the reasons for not including them? Not judging, just curious. Is it financial?
Teenagers in my family love weddings. I have lots a wonderful memories myself of attending weddings as a child and teenager.
I have always felt strongly that you need to have some children at a wedding. For the magic to work, there has to be someone there who believes all the b.s. wholeheartedly.
We just had a wedding to which children were not automatically invited, thanks to space and cost limitations, but some children were invited, including 4-, 3-, and 2-year-old children of the bride’s first cousins, and half a dozen teenaged cousins of the groom. Some close friends of the couple were invited to bring their very young children. Initially, all opted not to bring babies, but one had her childcare fall through, so that 4-month-old baby wound up attending. It was all fine. There was some baby/toddler noise; the parents handled it.
One of my BILs had an evening, black tie reception at a country club during the Christmas/NY week. We (H and his other brother) hired a babysitter to take care of our kids at the family house. The kids ranged from about 2 (mine) to 7. It really would have been too late for them and they wouldn’t have enjoyed it. Neither would we! 
@doschicos it’s a matter of space. We are already pushing the limits of the venue. The groom has a very large family.The wedding will have some teens as the groom has two teen siblings. They also have a flower girl and ring bearer who are the niece and nephew of the groom.
My girls were very well behaved. But at 2 weddings, we got to sit with other children under 10. Two hours of trying to make conversations with them. At one, the oldest was ten. All the rest were under 7. In one case, we drove back from vacation for the day, the marriage of the daughter of DH’s best friend since childhood. One of those special events with the Save the Date months in advance. Every one of the guys who are fast friends and their spouses was placed together. We were with some couple we didn’t know and their toddlers. In essence, a children’s table.
We talk a lot about making guests happy. If I knew this would have been so awkward… The bride could have left out our kids.
At DD’s wedding, there were 13 kids under 12 (the age of the kid meals offered by the venue), and 4 from 12 to 17. We needed 4 high chairs requested by parents for 2-4 year olds. Festivities started at 4 and ended at 11. Both families have tradition of kids at weddings and two thirds of the kids were children of wedding party. No issues with kids,; parents were on it and perhaps because they were accustomed to such events (especially the groom’s large family who all attend family celebrations with great regularity), they enjoyed the festivities. This number of kids is likely not typical; the venue had to rent two extra high chairs. It was an elegant setting, yet accommodated kids well with a lawn if their parents thought they needed a break. We had glow sticks for them to run around with outside and a “quiet” gift bag awaited each one at their dinner table. Most kids were dancing all night, with the older ones engaging the younger ones and extended family watching over all. We loved that they were there.
I do feel that this is a very personal call. Recently was at a no-kids luncheon and dancing wedding that ended at 3 pm. The parents were very happy to have a social afternoon to themselves. It seems to get stickier if there are some kids/families with similar levels of perceived wedding “intimacy” and some kids are included while others are not. Always makes sense to me that the wedding reflect what works for the bride and groom, with guests declining if it doesn’t work for them.
When weddings are in the evening, there is typically little time for the parents to enjoy themselves if they have young ones with them. They have to either deal with tired kids who may possibly misbehave if its past their bedtime, or the parents have to leave to tend to the kids, and cannot enjoy the wedding. So, IMO, if its an evening wedding (my s’s weddings were at 6 pm, with reception and then dinner/dancing thereafter), no kids. Little niece was the flower girl, but the babysitter was there to pick her up after the ceremony and take her back to the hotel.
My cousin had no kids at her wedding. My sister went (kids were about 3 and 6) and I did not go (kids 3 and 3). My uncle asked if I wasn’t going in protest. Nope, I couldn’t afford it either way. My sister’s husband didn’t go and stayed with their kids.
Have the wedding you want, with or without kids. However, I would either invite all the younger cousins or none of them, not have cut off ages of 10 or 16. It’s already hard enough to be the 14 year old with older siblings that get to do all the fun stuff.
Our daughter felt the evening event was an adult’s only event. We invited none of the younger relatives, but they were second cousins anyway. It didn’t keep anyone away. They told us they would get babysitters. We also offered to get some child care at the hotel if that had been needed. It wasn’t.
We had one two year old for just a couple of hours…because all of his relatives were at the wedding…and the family really had no local friends.
We only have one 3 year old in the family. D’s fiancé has a few. I am not used to kids at a wedding but the groom wants them. I hope it works out. The plate for kids is less than an adult at our venue.
This is quite helpful. In our family, none of the children are under 10. And I can only see 2 couples coming, so a total of 4 children. Since the wedding is Sunday evening, I doubt the cousins will come if their kids are not invited. (Yes, I wish it was Sunday afternoon, it the brides choice). I don’t have any idea what the brides family includes.
We just attended a family wedding where no children were invited – and we have 7 children under 4 in my family alone! Quite a few people were hurt as the perception was “you know I can’t come without the kid, so you just don’t care if I come?” The rationale wasnt money, it was “adults only reception” – loud profane music and lots of drinking.
S2 and DiL were asked right away what they plan, and she said emphatically that everyone is invited, everyone will be accomodated, and if that means it’s noisy, it will be just fine. THe reception plans include all sorts of kid-friendly things to do and she even asked the venue if they can set up a kid sized table or two.
For us…it wasn’t about cost. Our venue charged 1/2 for anyone under 21…because there was no alcohol served to those folks.
When we got married 37 years ago, we had no children at our reception either.
It’s funny how folks have different perceptions bout this. Our relatives were all grateful for a reason to have an adult night out! Every person with younger kids attended the wedding. And stayed the full evening.
Don’t these folks ever use baby sitters?
Many of our guests thanked us for not inviting their young kids. D1’s wedding was a 4 day event. Some parents with very young children brought their nannies or had relatives come with them to babysit while they attended the festivities.
“Don’t these folks ever use baby sitters?”
Not much. 
Kids in our family attend all types of events. I honestly can’t think of something where the adults go that the kids don’t - nice restaurants, concerts, music festivals, you name it. We are also night owls so late nights aren’t an issue. They are used to more dressed up affairs and evening events and often last longer than many adults. And definitely are better behaved than some adults, those who drink too much. I definitely think when kids are used to such environments and they know and are brought up with expectations of certain conduct in certain situations, they handle it just fine. It works for us.
Certainly, there are cultural/familial differences that come into play. Our family is very child-centric. It would seem odd for them not to be invited to a family wedding. Their presence would be missed.
Noone at S1’s wedding had young kids, so not an issue. They did have a VERY liberal +1 policy so that their introverted friends would feel comfortable attending. It worked out great. We had no kids at our wedding, but again, we were very young and noone at the wedding had littles.
We took S1 to a couple of weddings in NY when he was one – he did fine and didn’t make noise during the ceremony. We stayed at the wedding(s) til 10-ish. We aren’t late partiers ourselves (and I was second trimester with S2), so all was well. B&G in both cases knew why leaving S1 with the grandparents was a non-starter.
My nieces and nephews are starting to get married, and there have been little ones at all of them. That’s how things roll on my side of the family – DIY, fairly informal and close family/friends, BBQ at someone’s house the night before, family helps clean up the venue (community center-type venues have been popular), and we all wind up at a family member’s house to hang out afterwards.
My kids went to many fancy restaurants with us growing up, but they were in bed by 8 until they were in middle school then 9 until high school. They had fairly set routines, even when we traveled.
D had two kids at her reception. Ring bearer was almost 2 but has physical challenges, so no running around or yelling (like my S would have done at that age). His parents are extremely attentive, which I am sure made it tough to enjoy an “adult” evening, but they would not have it any other way. Flower girl was about 2-1/2, and she was definitely animated. Everyone loved her, and there were plenty of people who enjoyed hanging with her.
We went to a wedding a few years ago with quite a few younger kids. They had a cotton candy machine & a play corner at the reception. H & I enjoyed watching them. All were very well behaved. I think it depends on the kids & the families.