I hear you…our one no show with no call was a “good friend” of the groom. Not anymore!
No “no shows” at my sons wedding. My cousins daughter backed out a couple weeks before (said she was afraid to fly, but instead went to a rave lol). We had already given the venue The headcount and seating chart so we ended up inviting the brother my daughters boyfriend and he had a great time.
Another cousin and his family missed a co-Ed shower my sister and daughter threw because they thought it was Sunday, but it was Saturday. We reminded them 10 times that the wedding was Saturday not Sunday lol.
There were at least 10 no-shows at my son’s wedding last year. I feel bad because most of them were from our guest list. My mother had emergency surgery and was in rehab. My sister was overwhelmed with a recent move. My nephew missed his plane. Another guest injured his back, so he and his wife didn’t come.
I guess we include the “day-of” coordinator, photographers, DJ, security guard, and bartender in our count for the caterer, right?
D bought a dress today, at her 3rd appointment. When she started crying, we knew it was the right dress. It’s from Essence of Australia and was part of a trunk show. It hasn’t been made before, so she will receive the first dress. That makes me a little nervous. They said they haven’t decided if it will officially be added to their line. Apparently they bring in dresses to see how customers react. It will take 6 months to get it.
So my D had an acquaintance/casual friend at work that I think really didn’t expect to be invited to her wedding (not at close to her) who told her a few weeks ahead of time that if she had people back out at the last minute that she loved to attend weddings, and would be up for a VERY last minute invite if she had seats to fill after the caterer was notified. We did have someone who let her know a few days before (ex-BIL whose wife was ill and unable to travel), and D did contact this friend. The friend came and brought a +1. She was a good addition to a table of younger guests, and it worked out for everyone. Now… I think this wouldn’t work for everyone, as it could make someone feel like a “B list” guest. But in this case, it worked out fine. Just something to keep in mind. 
@toledo-separate vendor headcount from guest count. Meals are usually discounted and often served separately to allow them to manage time, etc.
DD’s venue could only hold 150 people. As we had some regrets, DD was able to invite more of their recent friends - all knowing the situation. H’s aunt had a serious medical situation develop en-route, so that was a -2. However there were over 160 people so full attendance (we had high tables near the young folks and also high tables on an outside balcony area) - enough room for all. We made sure all the older folks had tables to sit and eat. Enough seating for all with chairs along the wall where the young folks were.
I think D invited 160, and 135 attended. That was the target number they were aiming for, although some came when we thought they might not & others we thought would come weren’t able to be there. Two backed out a few days before & I asked my work-wife & her H -they would never have expected to be invited, but they were thrilled to attend. One cousin was too ill to attend, and though we knew a day or two before, we just took the hit & paid for that no-show.
Toledo re the dress same situation, different dress designer. D didn’t look at too many dresses. but decided on this one. Now I am wondering if we should have looked more, but it is lovely on her and suits her. She loves it. I didn’t realize how stressed I am to make this perfect. I guess a good thing to work on now.
Also the dress is a champagne color not strict white.
A decline rate of about 10-20% for an affair is supposedly typical, and was our experience, but it’s going to depend on a lot of things. Time of day, week, or year, size of the wedding, whether it’s a holiday or destination wedding, the distance people have to travel, age group, finances, whether you invite casual acquaintances or just your closest friends and relatives, how connected you are to extended family, how reliable your group tends to be and more. Sometimes there is a family feud or hard feelings in the aftermath of a divorce. Every family is different.
In general I think decline rates were less when people lived locally, not more.
Unless there’s an emergency, I can’t even imagine no showing to a wedding. It’s so inconsiderate.
We had my daughter’s bridal shower today. I flew in from the west coast and will go home on Tuesday. As a surprise I invited her cross country coach from middle school and early high school years. They had some good teams and good memories together. D was happy to see her!
D’s photos all were finally available this week. They are really stunning (at least I think so!). The photographer was not cheap, but really worth it.
I’m having an adjustment problem as the MOG. The couple spent the week at the brides home town, but never looked at hotels. They figure they can do everything on-line. Her parents did no looking in the past months, even tho,they are retired.
Once they decided on a venue, the venue gave a list of suggested hotels. I did research and made possible appointment times for the bride and family to visit during the past week. I was e-mailing the event coordinators, getting prices for a block of rooms and brunch. Bride and family didn’t follow through. They think all hotels will be fine. I’m paying for the rehearsal dinner and the brunch the next day, so to me, it matters. I think the rehearsal dinner should be close by, and the hotel should have the opportunity for a breakfast, that is priced reasonably.
This couple ordered their rings on-line, and the future bride ordered her dress on-line. I am old-fashioned. When I planned the last two big events for my family, I was part of every decision.
@bookworm - I feel for you. If they are so easy going maybe they wouldn’t mind you doing a bit more.
Oldfort, thanks, but what can I do more? I had sent tentative date for a tour on Friday morning, and had the event planner call them to confirm. They didn’t go. That is just one example. If they had chosen a hotel this past week, I could have looked up all the restaurants nearby to see which would be appropriate for a Saturday evening rehearsal dinner. I still don’t know if it’s 30 or 150 people. I’m not a control freak, but their style is just so not me.
Do you think you could have a conversation with them about the logistics? Sometimes young people think they could just wing it. Explain to them that you will have family and friends there (some of them are older) and how it is important for them to be able to get to various events easily.
Are they working with a wedding planner? If so, it may be easier to have it come from the planner. If not, you may want to suggest for them to get one or pay for one yourself.
Agree, I know I played the “But can Grandpa and Aunt Ronnie, who are coming from out of town, handle that? We want them to be comfortable.” line more than once.
I went through a similar issue with my Son. It drove me crazy and I have to admit that I had to bite my tongue many times and to just remind myself that I had no control. Many things didn’t get done like I thought they should have. The one positive thing that came out of it was that I had no idea what was happening at the wedding and no clue as to the order and timing of events during the wedding and ceremony. This enabled me to have a great time because I wasn’t aware of what was supposed to be happening that wasn’t.
I’m much happier this next go round to be the MOB.
@mom60 that is exactly how I was with my son’s wedding which was 11 months before my daughter’s. I think I am glad his was first as it gave me practice holding my tongue with my very opinionated daughter! I only had two really strong opinions during her wedding planning, which the bride and groom actually agreed to. With my son, we how long discussions about the location of the rehearsal dinner; it was not guest friendly, especially for the grandparents. I lost that fight, but it turned out ok; not great, but everyone managed. I think my son was just trying to please his bride to be, so chose her decisions over mom’s. While I understood, it didn’t make me happy.
Another MOG here. My only suggestion is that since this is your part to organize, I would simply choose a restaurant and then tell the others “Hey, I’ve made arrangements for the rehearsal dinner here, so here’s the closest hotel fwiw”.
You will be unsuccessful in every way by trying to nag them into caring about the hotel. They are taking your well intended input and pitching it (no- show at the appointment is a message)so they don’t have to hurt your feelings,perhaps, but eventually your persistance will become annoying, and their stubbornness will annoy you.
If the hotels aren’t chosen the way you want that to happen, with results that are poor, 80% of your guests will never know or care. To the rest, just shrug and smile. I believe “shrug and smile” is the motto of all MOG!! I am totally sympathetic to trying to not overmanage but try to keep some bit of perspective.