It is a tough situation. It is understandable your daughter is going back and forth on what to do about the catered event.
Glad you have been able to make plans work and have a nice vacation/visit with friends and family. This must be hard for her, and she is working through it.
No, neither he nor his family are invited to the remnants of the weekend. We really aren’t concerned that any will appear or “crash” the weekend.
His local friends and family live more than 2 hrs from the venue. None of them had planned to stay overnight for the events.
He desperately wants to make amends. He does not want to do anything that would jeopardize our favor. So, I’m really not concerned about having to deal with groom side guests. They were told simply that it was all cancelled.
It will be family, a few of our generation friends, but mostly DD’s friends.
And a toast to new beginnings.
Enjoy the weekend.
I think it sounds really nice and that it will be relaxing with a smaller group. Because your daughter hasn’t split entirely with her finance, I think a lot of the comments will be “She’s so smart take it slowly and work out any issues before marriage” and I bet the atmosphere will be lighter than if it were a ‘left at the alter’ situation.
Best wishes to your family, treemaven.
Is your niece still dating that same character? Will he be in attendance?
Thank you all.
Yes, my niece is still dating the creep. She took him to my sister’s house for Christmas and my sister still “really likes him”.
Luckily, we do not have to worry about niece trying to include him in the now-not-wedding weekend because . . .their tickets to Jamaica are for Feb. 9—a full week AFTER the planned wedding date. ? Note not a mix up of a week later than the start of the festivities (Thurs. 1/31), but a week after the actual wedding date (2/2). So, she would have missed the entire weekend events!!! When she realized it, she was terribly embarrassed and assured DD that if the wedding were on, she would have done whatever it took to get there on time. But who knows when she would have figured out she had the wrong dates for her flight.
It was all a great comic relief——and a great relief, because even thought none of us have spent a moment worrying about groom/family appearing, we were all stressing about how we would have to deal with niece and her boyfriend and what could we do about it.
My sister laughed as well because niece does have some real “blonde moments”, but also said, “and that’s why (boyfriend) makes all the travel arrangements now.” Which got me thinking . . . My niece had not booked her flight to Jamaica yet when we were at her brother’s wedding. That’s when all the boyfriend coming to Jamaica wedding issues started and they started planning their trip together to Jamaica. So . . . I’m wondering if it was boyfriend who actually booked the wrong flight dates, on purpose? maybe.
FDIL is using Azazie, and the bridesmaids are having a fight about buying the dresses, already. FDIL wants them to buy the same week, “or the dye lot won’t match” and apparently that would be the end of the world (eyeroll). But two of the women’s dresses are on sale now, the others are not, bridewants all the dresses in-hand no later than 4 months prior to date, argument is over when to buy and who that will/won’t benefit. I suggested she & my son comp the non-sale price difference, bride was horrified by the idea. I will say, she told the MOH to work it out and whatever she decided would be the law.
Imho, they continue to be fairly ignorant of the costs they are asking attendants to bear, which I would expect from her but not my son. He just watched his brother be dragged through a “gimme” wedding so he should be aware of how things add up quickly.
D1 really went out of her way to save money for her bridesmaids. When she saw a dress she liked on sale she quickly order few for her bridesmaids to try on to make sure everyone would look good in it. She then paid for all the dresses to take advantage of the sales price ($300 to $150). She also combined her bachelorette party with her best friend’s (they got married within 3 months of each other) and they had it at a place that it was easy for people to get to.
Instead of having the bridal party throw her a shower, she had her sister (MOH) pay for it, aka Mom paid for it. 
@greenbutton - does Azazie have a coordinator assigned to each wedding party? They can be very helpful with connecting these dots.
I am totally with you on empathy for the expenses of a being in a bridal party. DD was concerned about that and chose dresses within their budget. She also treated her attendants to their hotel rooms for the weekend and “foa shower or a bachelorette weekend. Her bridal party of 5 were in 5 different states all around the country.
Our DD also was very cognizant of the costs for her bridesmaids. They all were traveling a distance just to be at the wedding. Our DD bought her wedding dress at a bridal shop. That shop had a place they suggested that had a range of dresses all in the same fabric and color that was chosen. DD choose the lowest price range which still had over ten choices of styles for her bridesmaids. IIRC the dresses were $150 or less each.
Because of the long distance travel for all, everyone came three days before the wedding. We rented a house for all of them, and they did their bachelorette celebrations at that time. The MOH was fabulous in coordinating what they did.
There are so many ways to do all of this.
@treemaven- thats pretty amusing about the screw up on the flights. Sounds like your suspicion that the messed up flight dates were probably at the hand of the bozo boyfriend. Oh well— you can relax and have a nice visit with the attendees and not have to deal with that clown.
FDIL has never been in a wedding, and has only been to two! So I find myself trying to noninvasively point out things she literally doesn’t realize. SHe has already said she doesn’t need to have a separate bridesmaids’ weekend or even a shower (although my own Mom is lobbying hard for one).
Renting a house is a great idea which I will look into. I don’t know if she has an Azazie coordinator, but as mentioned, she has handed all that over to the MOH once the women agreed on a set of dresses from which to choose.
Regarding my previous post, D1 didn’t pay for the bridesmaids’ dresses. They reimbursed her later.
Also, my daughter wanted her bridesmaids to be able to choose a style they were comfortable with…BUT DD also wanted to see before anyone bought anything. It all works out nicely, we thought. Four different dresses in exactly the same color. All the same length, and all in styles that suited each bridesmaid.
The bachelorette weekend is a fairly recent phenomenon— and something that in my opinion adds unneeded expense for the bridesmaids. Just as every bride is certain HER choice of bridesmaid dress can and will be worn again by bridesmaids, they also convince themselves that their bridesmaids love them so much that the cost of a bachelorette weekend will be no problem. D1 had one. D2 has no marital plans at the moment, but asked me if it is obligatory after D1’s. I assured her it is not, and she was relieved. I’m sure she won’t have one.
I also wouldn’t pressure on a shower. Honestly — my D1 and SIL have more “stuff” from the wedding that they really want or need. And I’m someone who didn’t really enjoy the one shower that was thrown for me when I was married. I flew to the other coast for a shower for D1 — I really felt obligated as the MOB. It was a nice luncheon, but… not necessary by any means. So my opinion is to leave the bride alone. Maybe as an inexperienced bride, she can see things about the “wedding industrial complex” that others take for granted.
Not that she might not need reminding/support on things around the actual wedding day. But that is the only really necessary event.
We really wanted to have a shower for DD, but logistics just made it difficult. Our families, and the vast majority of friends lived all over the place…and not nearby. Someone suggested a “virtual shower” but we declined.
The bridesmaids and a few friends had a little mini shower during the three days prior to the wedding when everyone was here anyway. It was very sweet.
A few of our friends sent “shower” gifts, and a couple mentioned that their wedding gifs were more generous (although really that wasn’t necessary) to account for a shower/wedding combo.
I think you do what you can.
It was difficult for D2 to have a bachelorette weekend and she chose against a shower. One of her bridesmaids had just started grad school across the country, her youngest sister was in college and her older sister had just work obligations. It became a smaller group and she had it in her town (NYC) which has lots of options.
Good thing they did it when they did because last year there was a nor’easter every weekend in March and that would have grounded a lot of transportation options.
My D is having her bachelorette weekend at my house. The same weekend a good friend will also throw her a shower. That way the bridesmaids only have to travel once. There will be no hotel costs for the weekend since they will stay at my house. Most of the bridesmaids have not been to our small city and we live in a tourist location. My H and I will go stay at the home of one of the bridesmaids. The Maid of honor has the highest expenses because she is the one in the bridal party that lives out of our state. My D is very conscious of keeping expenses down.
I wish my D would just decide on what she is doing with the bridesmaids dresses. She can’t decide between Lulus, Azazie or Birdy Grey. Each has pros and cons for her. Lulus is nice as they are already made and it’s quick to order and return. The con is that she is concerned that one of her party might not find a size that fits well. She has heard they run small. She likes the styles of Birdy Grey but they don’t have a sample dress. I think Azazie is perfect even if she doesn’t love the styles as much as Birdy. They can order a few samples and at least try them on.
My D was so proactive early on in the planning but now seems to be going through a period of anxiety and indecision. I’m trying to be supportive but inside I’m just let’s just get these last bits out of the way.