I received a shower invitation that provided a link to Zola. There was no indication that I was supposed to look on this site for the wedding invitations. I had received a STD back in March for the October wedding. While I was at the shower in August, the MOB asked why I didn’t RSVP for the wedding. I told her I was waiting for the invitation to arrive at which time she replied, “oh, kids don’t do that anymore, it’s all on the bridal website”. Uh, me, “didn’t get the memo”.
We went to a wedding the middle of May and still have received a thank you note. At this point I’m thinking we won’t. ?
Embarrassed MOG here - it took my S and DIL almost a full 10 months to send all their thank you notes. I was mortified, but they are grown-a** adults and there wasn’t much I could do. Thank goodness all gifts were appropriately acknowledged…eventually. So @FlyMeToTheMoon, don’t give up hope yet 
Maybe the thank you was on the website? 
My niece sent photos for her thank you cards, and I think they were sort of personalized (with members of my family in the photo collage I received). No other note and no mention of the actual gift. Most of us had sent gifts through her registry on BBB, so how would we know if she ever got the item?
I always think of my sister who had a wedding registry at a local department store. Another bride with the same first name and same last name as my sister’s fiance’s also registered at this store. My sister kept getting this other bride’s gifts. She informed the store, and I think returned some of them, but there were some the store never picked up. I’m sure those guests of the other bride thought she’s just blown off the thank you card but she really never received the gift.
My kid took f o r e v e r to get out thank you notes. I got a call from my mil complaining about her grandkids lack of manners, even though my D (not the one who got married) is always prompt in calling and thanking grandma.
I sent a not so nice text to kid telling him that I didn’t care about the rest of his notes but he needed to get them out to our relatives. Couldn’t care less about their friends but I do not like getting phone calls that they didn’t send out ty notes.
He got them out, took forever but they got done.
And no, I don’t feel bad at all for calling him to task. He isn’t that busy.
Well @runnersmom , I’m still waiting for a thank you note for a wedding we attended five years ago, so…
It wouldn’t be so bad if the newlyweds weren’t continually posting about all their fun excursions on social media. If they’d just stay home from one or two of them, they’d get the note written.
I have not received one from my niece and her wedding was a year and a half ago. I mentioned to my sister who just said that her daughter was getting gifts from the store with no note saying who they were from (which I think is dumb, the note was probably there on the packing slip, and if not, they could look on the website or ask the store who sent what and figure it out.)
So, what happens when my d gets married? My sister waits weeks and weeks to mail her a gift (my d never once said she didn’t get anything from them, so I didn’t know right away). My sister waits to mail the gift until just before my D leaves on an away med school rotation, then waits a month or so and asks me if my D got the gift. My D has been away from home for 3 weeks at this point. My sister knew when she was leaving and for how long. I text my D, she says yes she got it but couldn’t get the thank you out before leaving, she would do it when she got home.
I still don’t know if my niece even got what I sent. After my sister knew I sent something how come there wasn’t an oh yeah it was YOU that sent that?
@bajamm If I was you, I’d cut out the middle man and would have asked your niece if she got the gift directly.
@doschicos I probably should have, she is one that changes contact info often and instead of asking my sister for an email address I just asked her if she knew if the gift was received. At this point I probably just need to get over myself and figure it isn’t coming.
My daughter’s wedding was last weekend. I’m not a crier, but I cried seeing her enter the church on my husband’s arm. I also teared up the day before at the bridesmaids luncheon when my two sisters in law talked about how much my mother would have enjoyed being there. And she would have.
There was no drama at all. Her bridesmaids could not have been more supportive, and they all seemed to like each other. It was hellish hot, but the planner and photographers kept the outdoor sessions brief. The wedding was held in her city and nearly every family member on both sides had to travel far. Amazingly, only one group got snagged with a flight cancellation. I’m very appreciative of the effort made to attend.
As far as I know, the whole weekend went according to plan. I wasn’t involved in the details since I live so far away and it was simpler to lean on the planner. Of course, the budget went out the window. Both my kids are married now, so I’m done!
One of my favorite splurges was the string quartet who played in the church. DD played violin for many years, and we agreed it was important to support the arts. Absolutely lovely.
The kids are on a mini vacation with another couple, lol, but will be taking a real honeymoon in the spring after her residency match.
Notes from the Bridezilla front:
A friend of mine who is a divorcee with 4 children decided to tell all of them that she would give each of them $10K when they became engaged, to use for the wedding or for whatever purpose they chose. Her ex makes considerably more than she does these days, although she is comfortable. He can be counted on to contribute at least a like amount, quite possibly more.
Her two oldest are married. One paid for the wedding–in another country, where his wife is from–pretty much on his own, but he appreciated the wedding present. The second asked for the promised funds, and he and his wife had a nice wedding that they could afford in NYC, not an extravaganza, presumably with addition help from the ex.
The third just became engaged. She wants to have a very showy wedding with a budget of $60,000 plus, and is asking my friend for more $$. Her father has said that he will pay for half, so between the parents they have at least $40K. Both of them have graduate degrees, excellent jobs, no debt, and are making plenty of money AND own two condos in the Chicago area, where they live. He comes from a well-to-do family abroad. The wedding is currently set to be 2 years off, in order to get the venue she wants.
I told my friend that IMHO if they–and I think it is really her D–want to spend that much they should chip in the $$ themselves, rather than demanding more from a soon-to-be-retired parent. Unfortunately right now she’s feeling a little disappointed in her D.
@bajamm, at the risk of being the thank-you note apologist (I’m not, trust me), my S and DIL received gifts from a nationally-known department store where they were registered without any indication of who sent them. I know this because the gifts came to my house and I scoured the packing slips, any enclosures, and even the return address on the labels. When they called to ask the store for some identifying information, the store refused. We figured some out by process of elimination and others went unidentified.
@juniebug, sounds like the wedding was very special.
Congrats @juniebug ! Glad to hear it went well and that the wedding party was so supportive.
You know, there are so many “new” wedding traditions, maybe the “thank you note” should be revisited. NOT saying don’t thank guests. But really, I can remember 38 years later that writing those notes was MURDER. Same reason I never send Christmas cards.
What would be wrong - would you be offended - to just get a “thank you for your love and support at our wedding” card? Something more subscribed. But not necessarily thanking for the physical gift. Is it really that much more special to read “thank you for the blender - it will be so helpful in our new home!”???
I have always been an advocate of some type of thank you for a birthday gift, grad gift, etc. But the task of having to write out dozens or literally in the 100’s of personalized thank you notes? That’s prison time! I personally would give every bride and groom my permission to just thank me for coming when we are at the event and be done. No further thanks needed.
Just my opinion.
Bah, I guess I’m old fashioned then. 80 thank you notes should take less than 7 hours total. Divided by 2 people, they shouldn’t take too long to bang out. It’s not just the gift, IMO, it’s the time and effort folks took to come to your wedding as well - often requiring a hotel room, maybe a flight and a rental car.
I bet these newlyweds are finding time to binge watch a show or something else. Even if you only do 10 per week, for all but really big weddings it could be done in a few months.
I’m on the board of several groups and handwrite thank yous for each donation. It isn’t my favorite task but it really doesn’t take long at all.
My nephew knew who his gift was from. Our name and address was printed on the check. Still waiting…
That’s pretty much what my niece did with the ‘thank you’ photo collage, and I know she really was more excited to have us there than with the gift, but I wanted to know that she at least received the grill pan. If the gifts aren’t important, don’t have a registry.
@Consolation that’s really stinky of the bride to be. I wouldn’t give the couple any more than she promised since there is a precedent and she’s been really upfront about what she would do.
I’m a softie to my kids but I don’t like ultimatums. No way I would give more, especially as this has been the deal. The couple can pay for it, they just don’t want to.
It’s like college, you tell your kids your budget and stick with it.
@juniebug, the wedding sound lovely and wonderful
I personally love the photo collage idea. Just a beautiful visual thank you to those who came or couldn’t come but send congratulations in the form of a postcard or whatever showing thanks of support for the occasion. Not a focus on the gift.
I know I’m in the minority here.
S and DIL took 4 months to send their thank you notes because they wanted to wait til all of them were written and send them out at the same time.
We’ve waited as long as 6 months for thank you’s. I think we’ve always gotten thank you’s for wedding gifts, but not always for engagement/shower gifts.
Nephew’s wedding was a month ago & I’m sure we’ll get thank you’s at some point, but S2 sent them something off their registry and he’s not accustomed to sending gifts so probably didn’t complete a gift card. The couple may have no idea that the gift’s from him.
The hardest one my kids got was cash (and a sizable amount) in a card with a signature that was totally not legible. Totally. We sent emails to a lot of people asking if this was their signature. We were a little reluctant to send the emails as we didn’t want to seem like we were calling out people who hadn’t sent gifts…but this was a lot of cash.
Eventually we figured it out.
Re: packing and identification. Our kids got a terrific gift from LLBean. The packing slip had no one’s name…at all…as the sender. It was sort of easy to figure out because the address used was slightly “off” and we have a cousin who sends us things that way. Sure enough, it was from her. BUT what we didn’t know was that it was a gift from both her sister and her. I had dinner with them five months after the wedding…and that’s when I found out! Thank you was immediately sent to second cousin.