My D figured out that both stores she registered at had a place on the backside of the registry that said who sent what. So, if the sender forgot to put a note or something the store took the name from the credit card and put it on the who sent it list.
I have been working on redefining gratitude and giving in my own life. There are a lot of different places that I can give my time and money. My money is limited.
Do I really want to give my money to a person or place that can not show their gratitude? On the other hand I need to be able to give for the joy of giving. Since there are more places wanting/needing money than I have money to give, is it fair to narrow down the list by who will show gratitude (write the thank you notes)? Or, to not give a second time to someone/place that did not thank for the first time?
Another input. My bff’s twin boys are my godsons and close to my girls’ ages, so a long family relationship among us all, despite distance. (My girls are her GDs.)
I met one’s bride at the wedding. I traveled half across the country to some teeny farm city and was the only family friend there. Both the groom and his wife thanked me several times for the effort, said how happy, etc.
Then, within 30 days, I had a lovely thank you note. Both for the gift and for coming. It delighted me. Not as a formality, but as a reach-out.
When DH and I were married, someone explained we have traditional type weddings not just to share our day, but to have our “community” stand up with us, for us. So imo, the TY is an acknowledgment of that, not.just the gift.
I don’t want to soil the thread with my thought of "thank you’s " for gifts specifically not being necessary - but I guess that is part of my point - to look at GRATITUDE not just in terms of $ spent on a gift and recognizing that, but focusing on the human gratitude for supporting a couple in their new life. So “thank you” for being happy for us, for sharing in our moment, for supporting us in though on our journey - but not a focus on “thank you for the $$ check or the bath towels”.
If I give a gift it is without strings attached. It is more important to me that I am appreciated for being a part of their life, not that I sent a gift.
The only reason I really want a thank you note is so I know that a gift was actually received.
I did have an issue where I didn’t receive a thank you for a LONG time after the wedding. I reached out to the parent of the groom who was my friend. Turns out…they never received the present at all.
I had the receipt, and contacted the vendor. Sure enough…it had never been either delivered or sent (I don’t remember which) and they immediately sent it again.
And this one is sort of funny. I sent a service for eight of dinnerware. The thank you I got was for a place setting of the dishes. That time, I contacted the bride…and she was very apologetic…they had received all 8 place settings. Oops…she wasn’t sure why she only wrote one. Mistakes happen, but if she had only received one place setting, I would have been in contact with the vendor.
If I buy a registry gift, I keep the receipt until I get an acknowledgment that the gift was received.
IMO it’s not necessary. It isn’t about the time it’s about the genuine thanks. For some people sitting down with a pile of notes to organize and match with the appropriate gift and think of a swell wording to acknowledge every one of those gifts is a required exercise not a genuine gesture.
I don’t need it. Give me a hug at the wedding. Share your pics on FB so I can remember the day. Send me a photo postcard as a reminder of the wonderful event. It’s an expectation I can do without.
That will be my last comment on the topic because I don’t want to cloud an otherwise usually happy and debate free thread (that incidentally I started!)!
Just food for thought.
@abasket, I totally get your point, but logistically people really do need to know if their gift arrived. If people can’t summon up the energy to write thank you notes to wedding guests, they should have smaller weddings, frankly. Or specify “no gift but that of your presence.” Fat chance that most will do that!
I used to give cash, and then I worried if I didn’t get a thank you. So then I started writing checks, so at least I would know if it was cashed. I went to a wedding in December and got the thank you note in July. The bride was a school teacher and that was the first chance she had to catch up with them.
My cousins like to play tricks at weddings. One of their tricks is to bring a giant, obnoxious gift and sign the card a name no one knows and say it is a family friend. The giant obnoxious gift then shows up at the next wedding, with the same card.
Exactly. I wanted my niece to have a gift, not for BBB to make a profit without sending the gift. Her wedding wasn’t that big but she was living in Montana, her new husband (and a lot of the guests) in Canada, and the wedding and her mother’s house (where some gifts ended up) in Washington State. Many chances for a mix up.
The photo thank you was great. All she had to do was flip it over and say “And thanks for the pan.”
I’ve been reading but find I’m less likely to post with the new format.
I was frustrated that my S took awhile with his thank you notes. I do give my DIL credit for keeping good tabs on who gave them what. She also double checked the registry against what was in the package. She found one issue with William Sonoma where the registry said one thing and the packaged items were different.
After that experience I suggested to my D that it would be easier on them to write the notes as they got the gifts. That way they weren’t overwhelmed with all the notes to write after the wedding.
On stocking bathrooms and welcome bags- for my S I made welcome bags for those staying onsite. I also made them for my friends and relatives who were staying at a nearby hotel. They picked them up at the Friday night dinner. In hindsight I probably put too much in them. I figured how many were in each cabin and gave enough for each person to have one of each item. I did apples, tangerines, two types of bars, two types of candy, nuts, Advil and homemade cookies and brownies. The bags were heavy. I’m not sure what they did for the restrooms if anything.
For my D we skipped the bags. Everyone was staying different places and I just figured they would survive without a snack bag. In the restrooms which were the nicer porta potty’s we put a nicer liquid soap, Caspari hand towels. I searched all over for the perfect hand towels as I wanted something to go with the venue and found a nice container to hold them at Home Goods. I had a lot left over and will have hand towels in my guest bathroom for years in a California poppy design. Again in hindsight we could have gone with the white paper towels and hand soap the toilet rental company provided. I have been to weddings with supplies such as tampons, deodorant etc in the restrooms. I don’t think it’s needed.
Emergency kit- my D’s wedding planner had a big container with any emergency supply anyone could possibly need.
@juniebug yay!!! It sounds like a beautiful day! Congrats on enjoying yourself
My shower gift to S&DIL was a hinged box full of thank you stationery, pens, stamps, a notebook and chocolates. They’ve been writing thank you notes as they’ve received gifts, so should be done soon. DIL goal was all of them done before Thanksgiving (wedding was 2 weeks ago). She has a spreadsheet with all the guests, the gift, the date the thank you was sent. He’s writing some, she’s writing some, they both sign the cards.
Yes, I would be offended by a generic thank you, frankly. I’ve spent precious time and effort to pick out something for a special day, and you want to take a short cut because it cuts into binge watching HBO? Nope.
Or instead of watching HBO they could be enjoying their new marriage together.
Or cooking with some of the nice new pieces they have from their supportive family and friends and thinking about them as they use them.
Or just relaxing - not with HBO and enjoying some downtime after months or years of planning a wedding.
I’m not a newly married person but I am offended by the idea that just because I might not want to write thank you notes or send Christmas cards that the opinion is that instead I’m binging HBO. Goodness.
I gave DD and SIL printed labels for each guest invited to the wedding…and a nice supply of thank you notes. I printed the labels on clear labels so they would go nicely on every color envelope.
Proud that my D finished her thank you notes within a month–which included a stressful move from overseas, and then leaving for an overseas contract job a week later. I believe TY notes are “required” to let the giver know the gift was received.(Have you all heard of the wedding crasher–in TX, I think–who stole gifts from multiple weddings?) I do wonder if my gift ever got there if I don’t get a note–which has happened multiple times. One bride’s mother told me a year after the wedding that her D was still working on her ty notes! The mother was actually helping her! (I never got a note from either.) B and G can’t be bothered to take a couple minutes to write a note? That’s inconsiderate.
Update on a couple details from my D’s wedding, which was in Italy 3 mo. ago.
The package of 50 invitations which was lost in the mail finally arrived back at my house 3 months after it was mailed. It was completely ripped open, dirty, and covered with tape. I won’t go into all the details of tracing this package. At one point it made it back to my city, then it was sent it back to the international processing center in another state! Anyway, the invites were mostly undamaged. I’m thinking of making something out of them for a first (paper) anniversary joke present for D.
Upthread I asked for advice on how to approach the groom’s dad to get him to reimburse me for the bar expenses he’d agreed to pay. After bride asked groom to remind his dad several times (which groom failed to do), I finally texted the dad yesterday, politely reminding him that he’d offered to contribute to the reception expenses. Then he texted me back and said he could “contribute toward the band.” I thought this was a typo. There was no band, just a DJ. So I asked if he meant bar, not band. He said, No, that he had only agreed to contribute to the band!?! I wasn’t sure if he was refusing to pay (because there was no band) or maybe he has Alzheimer’s…So I contacted my D who sent me copies of groom’s text conversation with his dad in which he said he would pay for the bar and DJ. Turns out the groom had paid for the DJ, and the dad hadn’t reimbursed him, either! And the bride had paid for the church musicians, which I thought the groom’s dad had paid for. (Groom is poor, dad is wealthy, btw.) I wrote back to the dad with copies of the texts, copy of bar bill I had paid. (And fwiw, this was only the after-dinner open bar he was paying for. I paid for all the drinks before and during the dinner.) He wrote back saying he’s mailing me a check. No apology or explanation for misatake/delay. It was weird. Super awkward, but over now. He’s not paying for the church musicians or all the extra guests his family had at the reception. I’m done with it, though.
Sorry for the long vent, but I certainly learned something that will be useful for my kids’ future weddings. Gotta have those awkward conversations about money during the planning phase. Put everything in writing about who is paying for what. Make sure everyone has a copy so there are no questions later.
