Even getting crosstown in NYC can be a hassle, lol.
They were married at Fordham because he attended Fordham. Beautiful church, but huge and unless you are marrying a crown prince or a Kennedy, unlikely to fill it. The directions from every direction included every McDonald’s and gas station as turning points, but failed to mention in was right across the street from the BRONX ZOO. The directions to NJ failed to state which direction to go on the highway and the 3 of us bumpkins from Wisconsin had no idea but guessed correctly.
This was very typical for this friend. Lots of detailed direction but something obvious gets missed.
And there was a catholic church right across the street from the reception! I remember seeing that and thinking ‘Duh, we could have saved all that confusion.’
@SOSConcern - yes, we’ve met the groom’s parents, who are very nice people and seem to really like DD (so they also have good taste). We haven’t really had a conversation about wedding budgets with them, though. DD says that they have already offered to pay for a rehearsal dinner the night before which would include my small, extended family, who will all be coming in from out-of-state.
DD “thinks” her future in-laws may offer to pitch in for other wedding costs, but I’m not counting on it, and neither is she. She already has some savings set aside for extras, just in case, and she has started her wedding spreadsheet. Did I mention that she and her fiance are both accountants?
and @twoinanddone - I’m happy about the proximity of the church to the (proposed) reception venue, too. All of my family will be coming in from out-of-town, and we’re all dreadfully directionally challenged. We couldn’t navigate our way out of a paper bag.
Catholic churches generally don’t permit non-parishioners to use the church for weddings. So if the bride or groom or close family member didn’t live in that parish (or were not otherwise members of the parish), the church probably would not have been available to them. At least that is how it is in my area.
some Catholic churches will allow but pay for it. it really depends, case by case - for example our area Cathedral can be rented by Catholics, but if you are not a member of that particular church, will have to pay. Most of the time would be no because Catholic marriage is a sacrament, and other ministers etc, lose control of that aspect.
DD2 (MOH) messaged with concerns today - she is on the same page as me, and is trying to guide her sis, the bride to be. The problem with the bride is she wants this and she wants that, and the two conflict - so she stops. She hasn’t sorted out talking to her friends regarding being bridesmaids or being available (one out of state optometry school and one out of state med school are two). Then she is deciding on a couple of cousins but she hasn’t worked this either. She has a bunch of gals, and if several of them are a go the cousins added may be too much. She didn’t follow through with plans with a cousin (incomplete plans - didn’t have a ride arranged), so of course she is looking like a flake (cousin asked DD2 about it, so DD2 could straighten out DD1)…
I asked DD2 to make sure DD1 does not get invitations designed before the time line is agreed to - DD1 likes to get the cart before the horse, avoid problem areas, and then she has now told DD2 that I am not cooperating. She just wants to dump the blame on me - I just stepped back. If I listen to her talking, she will then have problems no matter what I say - so it is better for her to figure it out and hopefully we can prevent any disaster.
Typical example: concerned about hot day, but has picked a date in July in the south. Probably wanting more in the time line and doesn’t understand guests and gap in time line.
@SOS a lot of what you are saying sounds passive aggressive to me…maybe to DD1 too!
H, DD2, and I are all in agreement that DD1 has to sort out her ideas and make the compromises necessary. DD1 has also complained to H.
Maybe she will sort it out with fiance’ and his parents. DD doesn’t have any emotional baggage with future MIL.
DD1 does have some psych issues and is on medication. Blaming mom is something that has been part of the process.
She is on travel now with Fiance’, so it is on resting now with me.
Oh, my, I love this thread. I only have the one son, and I am going to keep all this in mind if I ever am blessed enough for him to bring a girl home that he wants to marry.
@scout59 - my daughter was just married this month, so we are fresh from reception venue hunting. What we found is that one of the posher venues in town charged less in added on taxes, (I don’t recall the finer details, but it was all legit - no shaky bookkeeping here.) and also included more in what they offered for the price (for example, the wedding cake was included and also the first night at a local hotel was comped for the bride and groom) so they ended up being no more expensive than some less fancy local venues. So you are wise to have her cast a wide net when looking for a reception venue. She may be pleasantly surprised like we were.
Yes, when we were looking for venues for large 200+ person parties (not wedding receptions) it was interesting to see the wide variations in what was included/excluded and priced ala carte. Sometimes the posh country club included a LOT more than the bare bones restaurants in a more elegant and nicer atmosphere, with parking. Casting a wide net in initial searches is a great idea. Venues also vary about hiking up prices when they hear “weddings.”
Something for everyone to think about. Wedding planning can be stressful and time and mind consuming. Some people need “breaks” in the process. Nothing wrong - and maybe totally healthy - to sometimes let the couple take a break from all things wedding. Maybe a couple weeks or a month will go by with no real tasks accomplished. The wedding will still happen!
Give the couple time together to NOT be planning a wedding. It’s not a race! Sometimes walking away from all the details for a bit helps the couple to refocus, plan and re-energize for another wedding push.
Just like looking at colleges, eh? Sometimes, you don’t know what you would like til you see a few places.
Ha, @abasket - I said the SAME THING to DD last night! We were talking about reception venues when she said “I just want to get this part done and then take a break.” She figures that once she has the church and reception hall in place, she can slack off for a while.
Which is a good plan - especially since her busy season at work really ramps up after Christmas.
It’s so true! My S got married June 2016. I remember this time last year (Nov. 2015) people asking me “what about this and this?” My answer - no idea -they haven’t done that yet! They needed to take care of things in doses. That is what worked for them. Once the holidays were done and the new year was upon them I think they were ready to ramp it up and take care of more details - and they did.
I could see working and planning that way. I see corollaries to any lengthy planning process. Just as I felt when my kids were in the college application stage, I wouldn’t want a good chunk of the year feeling like every other family conversation was wedding planning related.
@Montegut, I am also the parent of an only son, rubbernecking on this thread in hopes that he will want to get married and produce grandchildren someday. And, I might add, I would love a surrogate daughter. 
My first desire, of course, is that he be happy.
Oh, I know and they would have moved the reception before moving the wedding, but it was just sort of a “oh, how could they have missed that church RIGHT THERE” headslap. Neither the bride or groom belonged to the Fordham parish, but he did attend school there.
Some churches will allow you to use their church if you bring your own priest. My sister did that. We have a few historic churches here that will, and even the cathedral will if you need a huge church for a funeral or wedding and you happen to belong to a smaller parish. Almost all funerals for cops or firemen are held at the cathedral just because they need the bigger church. A funeral for a classmate of my kids was held at our parish church and it was really much too small.
You guys are going to laugh at what I’m calling my wedding-related crisis. D1 is hosting a small bridal shower for D2 on 12/18 - a Sunday brunch. We are in Chicago, and D2 lives in LA. She and I have been texting since yesterday - me trying to get her to finalize her flight to come home. Because 12/18 was really the only option D1 had to do this shower, it means D2 will be home for Christmas for over a week. Usually we’re lucky if we get her 4-5 nights (fiance heads up to where his family is in NoCal); they have not spent a Christmas together yet and I realize next year that will probably change.
So last night I texted D2 and told her she really needs to make her reservations today (supposedly Tuesday is the best day to snag discounted airfares, although I realize this is probably a moot point around Christmas) and that I thought she needed to fly in on Friday the 16th - because if we have bad weather anywhere in the country, and she gets delayed a day, she would miss her own bridal shower. I would not be happy if that happened. Her response to me was, “Mom, that’s so early.” UGH!!! Now, D1 is not coming in until the 17th, but if something happens with weather and she doesn’t make it, the shower can still happen (I’d have to fill in as host) - it’s at a restaurant. And in fact, D1 is home now and we’ve already made the party favors, so it would be almost no work for me if something happened to D1’s flight.
I just texted D2 to find out if she could talk and if made her reservations today (I did not respond to her last night when she said the 16th was too early); she said no that she hadn’t made them, and she wasn’t at home, she’s on set (she got cast in a movie) and doesn’t know when she’ll be home. I am more than miffed right now. She did say she’d text me when she gets home, but we’re two hours behind, so it could likely be after I’ve gone to sleep (although I do tend to stay up fairly late). She wants to make the reservations so she can get the points as they are attempting to earn their honeymoon flight with credit card points; so I can’t just do it for her right now and say, well, you didn’t do it, so I did it for you.
But I know whenever we do talk, she’s going to complain about the 16th, as opposed to the 18th. I get it… she HATES the cold midwest winters, doesn’t like being away from her fiance and their dogs for so long, etc. I’m willing to let go of having her stay around a couple of days after Christmas and have her fly home on the 26th to minimize that time away.
Am I being unreasonable as far as asking her to come in on the 16th? I mean, we all know there’s more than a tiny chance weather could play a factor in her getting home, especially since she always flies out of Burbank and therefore has to make a connection, usually either in Las Vegas, Phoenix, or Denver… ALL places (except Phoenix) that could be impacted by winter storms.
Congrats on the movie! How exciting!
Your plan seems perfectly reasonable. As an alternative, what if she were to book the earliest non-stop flight on the 17th out of LAX? That would leave her with lots of alternatives, and would probably be the lowest risk plan.
Flying in the morning of the shower seems like a highly unreasonable plan, if that’s what she is thinking.