@oldfort Brooklyn Botanical Garden is lovely. And the picture of the bride with the little one (your GD?) is stunning. Everything sounds lovely and thanks for sharing the pictures!
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Beautiful! I came pretty close to a nervous breakdown because my daughter’s wedding was also at a very pretty venue only there was no real indoor option. It was nuts! I never ever want to deal with something like that again.
S had an outdoor wedding with a handy ballroom that could be used if needed. We attended a wedding at the same venue years before when we guests had to grab things from outdoor tables and head to ballroom as rain was coming down pretty steadily.
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Son’s wedding was at a lovely nature preserve (tiny parking lot, guests transported there via school bus). Ceremony was outdoors, cocktails served in a small covered area with games on the lawn, catered dinner in a fantastic large clear tent. I never heard about a Plan B if it rained for the ceremony … there was a bit of delay due to light sprinkles. I assume we would have regrouped in the tent if the rain had not stopped. I feel so fortunate that bride/groom (with help of the catering/park coordinator) handled all the logistics and decisions!
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D1’s wedding in May was a completely outdoor venue for both the ceremony and reception. There was no plan B for rain! It all worked out just fine.
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We were fortunate to have the tent for dinner. While under the tent, a huge rainstorm came. The June day cooled quite a bit, and I was happy to have packed extra layers. Even some purple dressy gloves from my mother (I tend to get cold)…. but I found as long as I kept dancing, no gloves needed.
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Friend’s daughter was getting in a local garden. Plan was for the ceremony to be in one outside location, cocktail hour in another location and then dinner in a tent.
It poured the entire afternoon/night. They moved all the events to take place inside the tent - the bride had to walk through a short tunnel to get to the tent, including one little piece without a roof ! There wasn’t even space for the bridal party to stand next to them.
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I am not one for no options. When D2 picked this venue, they told us that if it rained then we could move the ceremony and cocktail to the art gallery. The gallery was beautiful, but just not as nice as the outdoor.
D1 wanted her wedding reception in a tent at a beautiful outdoor setting. I told her no. We would have had to bring in portable AC units and if it rained the ground would have been wet.
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We had a couple of options for if it rained. And it did. The wedding planner gave our daughter a couple of choices. Ceremony was very short. So…it was done on a staircase which was nice. There were enough seats set up for folks who needed to have seats (grandparents, parents, and a few guests). Outdoors would have been better…but sometimes you just have to go with the flow.
Supposedly it’s good luck if it rains the day you get married.
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I am a big fan of the BBG. I am not at all surprised that they did an amazing job at your daughter’s wedding. Such a beautiful gown! Mazel tov!
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My wife’s family has a large property (115 acres) that they call a farm. They do use 1 acre to cultivate one plant and it may once have been a black walnut farm, but it is basically meadows, a stream, a lake that was created by damming the river, and a couple of houses, one quite stunning. We were the first couple who was married there 40 years ago (next month) and since then all but one kid who are the direct descendants of my wife’s parents have gotten married there. MIL has actually set aside money for each kid to get married there (which helps as it more expensive to have a wedding as you have to import services (ice machines, portapotties, etc.) that a venue would have.
ShawSon got married there 2 summers ago. We rented a big tent under which the reception would take place. The ceremony was planned to be outdoors with the rabbi and the couple and family standing with the lake right behind them (The chuppah signifies the Jewish home that the couples will build together and in this case the four poles were from black walnut trees and the canopy was something started by ShawWife many weddings ago that has fabric from each ancestor and each wedding sewn into it). Then the cocktails were a modest walk (with a golf cart to carry those who could not do it) to an area we call the secret garden for cocktails. The plan was for the ceremony and the drinks to be under the tent if it rained, but the weather was fine for the ceremony and just as the cocktail session was winding down. We hustled people under the tent and had dinner while it absolutely poured. The tent was large enough that no one got wet. When dinner finished, the rain had stopped. There was time for dancing and board games (ShawSon and his wife love board games) and people who didn’t want to partake in either could leave on an early bus.
One other interesting thing. In a Jewish wedding, there is something called yichud, in which the bride and groom have some private time alone after the ceremony. Usually it is a closed room. ShawSon and his wife decided that there yichud would be on a rowboat on the lake, which we had decked out with flowers. His new wife had to be lifted by the groomsmen into the boat to keep her dress dry. She is petite but apparently the dress weighed a ton. It was a beautiful scene, capture by the excellent photographer.
One other interesting thing. The couple attended the two top business schools in the country (US) and approached wedding planning that way. They asked various friends what they remembered most about their weddings, what they would allocate their money to and what they regretted spending money on or would, in hindsight spend less on. They concluded that the important place to allocate funds were the photographer and videographer and that they could spend less on food, alcohol, etc. After getting some very high quotes, they found a caterer who charged a lot less (but had done functions for the family very well) for the dinner and hired someone else to do a kosher paella for the rehearsal dinner. The latter person faded away – I think she took another job or something very odd – and DIL was able to persuade the caterer to do the dinner the night before as well. It was casual, outdoor buffet and ShawSon and DIL showed their favorite movie outdoors on a big screen afterwards (The Princess Bride). Then DIL used quote from The Princess Bride in her vows the next day. Even though the caterer was probably half the cost of the caterers used for our nephew’s and niece’s weddings a few summers earlier, the food was very good (no complaints) but the photos and video were outstanding.
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After having gone to few weddings and planned 2 weddings, for me it is the food, drinks, music and decor. People generally remember if food was bad or not enough. They will also complain if music is too loud or not danceable.
@shawbridge - it sounds like a lovely tradition to have weddings at the family farm. My nephew got married at the bride’s grandmother family home in Bermuda. It was a large property by Bermuda standard, but it could only fit 100 people in a tent. My brother in law had a large family and they had to cut out a lot of people.
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Absolutely agree @oldfort . We made sure we had good food (and plenty of it) as well as an open bar and great DJ at D’s wedding.
My best memory of a niece’s recent wedding was that they had an incredible band! (note: if anyone in the Chicago/Northern Illinois area is looking for an amazing band- PM me).
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Agree. I think decor is memorable, but I honestly don’t think folks remember things like the types of flowers, the invitations, the way you let folks know their table assignments, wedding favors, hotel gift bags. Things like that.
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Our food was actually quite good. People told us that the the food was great. We are actually using the same folks to cater a 70 person family reunion at the farm this month. But, it was 50% of the cost of the caterers my niece and nephew used. Most of the other caterers they talked to were at a much higher price level. So probably the right statement is, if the food is good enough that people don’t think it is bad (or insufficient), they don’t remember the food. I honestly can barely remember what they had. I remember for our wedding as we laid out a menu that had a number of things the caterer had never done. He was did high-end kosher events. He told my MIL later that he started using the dishes we had given him (a cold cherry soup, salmon en croute, etc.) for many other events. But, I doubt anyone else remembered months later. I can’t remember the food at any of the other weddings except that my nephew had grass-fed beef (and provided instead(?) of napkins, a dish towel with the menu on it as a gift to attendees).
Music is an interesting one. I always find it offensive when bands play at all or loudly when people are eating and trying to talk. My brother is a very good musician (plays with bands on Beale Street when they need someone to fill in) and he asked one of his friends, a studio musician who was among the best known trumpet players in Toronto (and maybe Canada) – Ray Charles and Aretha Franklin and many others would have him play when they toured Canada – if he wanted to do my wedding (he knew me as well). He said he would assembly some of his friends and we probably got the best jazz band in Canada for our wedding. We asked them not to play while people were eating and so no one had to shout over the music to talk. The music was spectacular. They had such a good time that when my sister-in-law got married at the farm, she asked him and he assembled the band again.
It’s interesting to me that no one has mentioned “ceremony” - I think that is what is most memorable (or not) to me!
After that probably food and music - for better or for worse.
And let’s face it, the cake/desserts. 
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I remember bad ceremonies (too long or too short), but most ceremonies are generally good and personal to the couple.
I haven’t been to too many religious ceremonies lately. When my friends were getting married, the Catholic ceremonies where I had to get up and down were challenging.
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We have been to a bunch of weddings in the last couple of years. Almost all have been officiated by either a relative or family friend who received the proper credentials to do so…and usually online. The ceremonies were lovely, and very personal. I haven’t been to a wedding in a house of worship in a very long time. Most have taken place outdoors, or at the venue someplace.
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Sadly, with it seems most weddings these days are not in a church, there often is not much to the ‘ceremony’ - in or out of a church. There may be a special person doing the service, and even a minister, with a 15-minute max ceremony time. More time is often spent on processional and recessional, or some music - a special song/performance.
IDK if a Rabbi will do a service outside of the Temple, but Catholic priests would need permission from their Bishop – and it would only be in extenuating circumstances (a bride or groom hospitalized for example).
DD1/SIL had a very beautiful and significant wedding in the Diocese Cathedral, when she was a member. Full Mass, incense, 6-member Choir, Organist, 3 Priests, 2 Deacons, 7 adult altar servers. Included Spanish ‘Lasso’ ceremony. SIL has Hispanic mother, and his Hispanic Godparents did the Lasso ceremony. Program was full size/8 pages (which included the readings, the songs from start to end; cover page had title page info and back page listed wedding party and participants. SIL was involved in church ministry for 2 years, and so the servers and 4 ushers were people he wanted to be part of the service that were in church ministry functions. Wedding party was 4 each (maid of honor/best man; 3 bridesmaids and 3 groomsmen). Total wedding time was about 1 1/2 hours, from procession to recession.
DD2 sadly will probably have a very secular wedding – we don’t yet know if serious BF will eventually become a DH. She also believes between Covid and inflation, having the kind of wedding she wants will be quite expensive. Of course, we are now looking at 7 years and counting from her sister’s wedding.
DD1 was married July 2017; the family-owned restaurant that did the buffet catering for the rehearsal dinner had connections to DD and was reasonably priced (parents of groom paid); the family-owned restaurant for wedding buffet catering also had connection to DD and that was reasonably priced – DD1/SIL paid for the wedding costs beyond what we bridal parents provided – DH did ask them if they needed more money and they said “we have it under control”. DD’s florist ran her business out of her home with also having the floral refrigeration space – and a good friend that is a Master Gardener was quite complimentary of the table, church, and bridal party floral arrangements. The floral lady was very attentive to making sure all was in order, and I was able to pass on compliments to her. Since DD did a lot of volunteer work with the center where the rehearsal dinner was held (had full catering kitchen and generous dining space for this dinner) – and we did the clean-up, no charge to use the space. In fact, we had a table of 12 clergy (Priests, Deacons, and Seminarians) all invited and present at rehearsal dinner.
The one problem we had was the live Jazz Band (22 member), even with their mikes turned down – it was ‘loud’ in the parish hall space. The space was built probably in the 1920’s. A few older people on the groom’s side complained and did leave a little early. The music was grand, just was a bit loud. The Jazz Band was the ‘splurge’ but was overall a big ‘hit’ for the reception. Their music during dinner was fine, it was during the dancing that got a bit loud.
SIL’s parents had experience from their older son’s previous wedding, and were able to help negotiate the hotel from charging parking fees for all of wedding guests. This saved us a lot of money, as there normally was the parking daily rate plus an attendant charge of $10 every time one took their car out. We all tipped the attendants and they did fine. This hotel has a lot of business travelers through the week and weddings on the weekends (there were 3 other wedding parties at the hotel - two of them had wanted the Cathedral but had to ‘settle’ with other area Catholic churches since DD had the Cathedral reserved about a year ahead of time). We had the largest group staying at the hotel because family on both sides (including parents of bride and our friends) were out of town; DD1/SIL had a lot of local young people friends - and the church hall/dinner reception size was the limiting factor – every time out of town people couldn’t attend, Bride and Groom-to-be included more of their local friends.
I think the wedding couples should feel comfortable choosing the type of venue they want for their ceremony. This could be outdoors, or in a house of worship. And it can be secular or religious per their choice. There is beauty in different options. These are all happy choices, in my opinion.
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