We are parents of groom. We gifted S a large sum for their engagement, paid for most beverages for wedding, rehearsal lunch, deposit on venue and also gave a nice check as wedding gift. YMMV. Bride’s mom is still working and gave a modest monetary gift.
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I say no gift needed.
We gave a good chunk of money to son/fiance after engagement (to be used for wedding, house, whatever). We did decide to also give them a card with 100euro, leftover from our last trip, to be used on their honeymoon in Europe. But we didn’t feel an obligation to do so.
We paid for a good portion of D’s wedding, so we did not give them an additional gift. I think that they would have been upset with us if we did, TBH. They were incredibly grateful for what we gave them for the wedding/reception.
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My daughter is/was trying to pay for her wedding on her own. Except that her MIL owns the venue so she saved money there (really questionable), it is costing her way more than she thought… I offered to pay for her dress but she said no. Now as we are getting closer (40 days away), she realizes she needs help. I’m paying for the cake/cupcakes, the flowers, and now the rehearsal dinner. Probably will pay for the appetizers for the cocktail party. It is just costing a lot more than she ever imagined. This is not a huge wedding like you all have paid for, but daughter knows I don’t have a lot of money.
But I’d like to get her something sentimental too. I have my mother’s wedding pearls (necklace) but the clasp is broken and it will cost about $100 to have them restrung. Not sure I want to give them to her as maybe her sister or cousin would like to wear them at their weddings? But I’d like to do something. I will finish the Christmas stocking for her new husband (family tradition for me to make a stocking for all new members of the family).
You could do something ‘free’ like collect family recipes, photos, a set of china or silver if you have a second set (don’t we all?). I might try to put some of my mother’s things (that were mostly my grandmother’s) together, like a tea set or some serving platters. G*d knows I have plenty of those.
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I don’t think a separate wedding gift is necessary. Our thought before the weddings was that we could offer to let them use Southwest points for the honeymoon as a wedding gift from us that wouldn’t actually cost us. Turned out older DD had enough points on her own so when we were couch shopping with them and they were iffy on the price we decided to pay half ($500).
But the SW points offer stands for younger DD for next year. Their preferred destination isn’t very close to a SW airport though, so we will see what they decide.
I just wanted to point out that just a few months ago, I had a crafter on Etsy restring my pearls. It’s a triple strand and I think I paid about $50. They asked if I wanted a new clasp and they added a much stronger one.
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I just restrung my 39 strand murano glass seed bead necklace. None of the people at the bead shop would do it. They all said it was too hard. It was not as hard as it looked—I restrung 38 strands and H restrung one strand. The bead shop woman found me a nice clasp, attached all the strands to the new hardware and clasp for under $50.
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Honestly, I believe restringing pearls would be pretty straight-forward and easy. If there is a bead store near you, you can get supplies there. Otherwise, you can buy online and watch online videos for instructions on restringing.
My friends (two different ones) who do beading and string pearls, said it would be hard. These pearls are tiny (go from tiny to a larger center pearl, then back to tiny). One friend bought a lot of pearls in China and has been doing this for a while and thinks it would be difficult. Oh well.
Does strand need to be restrung? If only clasp i’d broken, do your friends think it needs restringing? If it just needs new clasp, can’t clasp just be replaced?
I’m going to try that, but one side of the clasp is off and just strings about 1/4" long hanging off the last pearl. Luckily, each pearl is knotted so didn’t lose any. My mother wore that at her wedding 70 years ago. I wore them to a friend’s wedding which happened to be the same day as my parents’, and the clasp broke that day - which was almost 40 years ago.
They probably should be restrung, but I’d take a new clasp just for my daughter’s wedding.
Will your daughter want a strand of pearls? Or is this for sentimental value? I have a gorgeous set of pearls that cost more than $1000 when purchased. My DD has zero interest in owning it. So, it’s sitting in a drawer in the box.
I think I’d want to give my kid something they would use, and enjoy owning.
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For her Sweet 16 I gave my D a strand of pearls my grandmother brought back from her trip to Japan and gave me when I was 16. D loves them and wore them to her wedding (she even brought the pearls dress shopping to be sure the wedding gown she chose would look good with them.)
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I inherited my mom’s pearls, and my two nieces wore them at their weddings. D loved my mom dearly, but she had absolutely no interest in wearing pearls at her wedding.
My MIL tried to get my daughter to wear her pearls at her wedding - it was a no-go. I doubt my younger D will want to wear them either, but she may have a chance with my niece, who is really into thrifting and retro style.
We did not give a separate wedding gift, but we did give a lot toward the wedding and also gifted them a nice sum when they bought and remodeled their home, a year before their wedding. I don’t think her in-laws gave them a separate gift either but they paid for the rehearsal dinner and the wedding guest bus.
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OMG, the pearls… my DILs mom hounded her incessantly about wearing the pearls that had been purchased when she was maybe 10, for her wedding. And while DIL was fine with wearing them (not a hill to die on), the hounding was next level. Who had the pearls? Prove they are safely stored. Prove it again. Comes to check. We offered to put them in our safe deposit box, that was not okay because they were HER pearls. Ugh. After the wedding, rinse and repeat.
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I asked D if she wanted the pearls to wear. She said she’d want to wear them ‘sometime that weekend’ so probably at rehearsal dinner. It is not a big deal to me, but she’s more sentimental than I am, especially about her Nana. These are a shot choker, and I think with her wedding dress she will want a longer necklace.
I have a feeling it will be something that I just don’t get done. After discussing it here last night I looked up two jewelry stores at the Far East Center, thinking they might specialize in pearls. Both are closed T and W, and one is only open on the weekends, so a few more days delay.
Pearls are IN right now. My daughters who had zero interest in my pearls now want them. Pearls will always go in and out of style. If you have kids that care about that (mine do…though many CC’ers seem to have kids that don’t) you might want to ask again if they are interested even if they said no before.
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