I believe S & DIL had a “day of” coordinator. I am not sure but it may have been required by the venue. It was one less thing we had to think about—she kept everything moving smoothly and was on top of all the little details so no one had to worry about anything. I’m a planner and worrier and probably would have tried to be keeping tabs on everything if they didn’t have a planner. They were thrilled with her and so I am too.
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We did not use an event planner for D’s wedding. The coordinator at the venue was excellent and we were happy to handle other details. I could see using a wedding planner if it was an out-of-town wedding, but we had knowledge of vendors in the area.
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In our case, both the bride and groom live in NYC and we were the people living in Honolulu, where the wedding and reception were being held. Eons ago in 1986, we had a huge 750 person reception and had no formal coordinator, though we did get a cousin to agree to help be a troubleshooter if anything arose. One thing DID arise as 2 guests indicated they weren’t coming and came to the reception. My sister worked with cousin and found them seats and all was well. H & I were residents where the reception was held, as was the large majority of the guests. The venue was very used to having wedding receptions and very helpful.
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750 guests. Wow! 
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“Day-Of” coordinators are worth their weight in gold. So many little things can crop up on the day and it’s nice to have someone to deal with it other than the bride or MOB. It’s also nice to have someone to coordinate where everyone has to be and what time. She also oversaw the floral and cake deliveries, made sure the table settings were in order and collected the gift envelopes at the end of the night.
Every reception venue that we looked at for D’s wedding required a Day-Of coordinator at the very least. D had no trouble finding event coordinators who just offered the day of service. They had a couple of phone calls during the planning period, a final meeting during at the start of the wedding weekend and then she did her thing.
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Totally agree. My son kept saying he thought the planner they had hired was for the most part worthless until they saw it all come together and she was Johnny -on-the -spot the whole weekend. So, they would say “yes”. MOB and others didn’t have to do a thing.
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I think day of coordinators - often provided or employed by the venue - are also protection for the venue - they know their venue is in good hands with an employee - not at the mercy of two bride/groom families who get frantic, or try and do something with the venue set up or march into the kitchen or whatever to get what they want or to problem solve an issue.
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Both of my girls used a wedding planner. D1’s planner provided a more extensive services. She needed it because the location was 5 hours away. D2’s wedding was local in NYC.
D1’s planner got a short list of vendors for us whenever we visited the location. She actually saved us a lot of money with some vendors because of her relationship with them. She also gave us very good advice about locations, amount food/alcohol, and the general cadence of the event. She was there at all events, from beginning to end (rehearsal lunch, night before event, ceremony, reception, breakfast). She also coordinated with the photographer(s) to make sure everyone was where they were supposed to be to have pictures taken. She tipped the vendors and carry all bridal stuff back to the room, so D1 could go to the after party.
D2’s wedding planner was lighter touch because we were in town, so D2 could do a lot of things herself. The planner was still very useful to coordinate with the event site and vendors. D2 also had a day of event person from the event site (it came as part of the package).
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Son and DIL did all the work for their wedding (2000+ miles from both sets of parents), and I was a bit concerned that they didn’t get a wedding planner to help. The ids mentioned that there was a day-of coordinator at the venue, and until wedding weekend I did not appreciate how much that helped. It was all part of a package deal with caterer who does weddings 6 weekends/year at a lovely nature preserve. They had the coordinator at the rehearsal as well as the event, and the restaurant even arranged the schoolbus hotel shuttle service (necessary due to limited venue parking).
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We had a planner for D’s wedding. He coordinated vendors, gave a lot of good suggestions, handled logistics, etc. A planner can also be very useful if you have a “sticky” family situation that might need to be managed.
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I think it the use of a planner (especially outside of “day of”) depends on lots of things.
Budget
Size of wedding
Local or not local wedding to the couple
Details of the wedding (is it very simple? Ceremony and simple meal all in one spot? Or is there more than one venue involved, food options beyond a simple buffet?)
Time available by the couple or family to spend pre-wedding to attend to details
So many more!
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As said, sometimes a ‘planner’ is part of the church or the venue services. Our daughter and son-in-law had everything planned out and coordinated well - in a city 100 miles from us. We only had a very short list for close friends. The reception hall was the limiting factor with number of guests due to having a live band and the room size. Many of the young people had chairs in surrounding area and some of those high tables (where you stand to eat) - we had various tables with ‘reserved’ on it so the older people all had a place to sit to eat, along with lists for various reserved tables. I was at the back of the line going into the venue (while DH was at the front) so he made sure the relatives and friends got seated and I made sure those on the back end got places too. DH and I actually sat at other tables - he with his elderly parents and other family members.
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My D tells me that most couples don’t send paper/printed wedding invitations–most send digital invites. She wants to use a website called Bliss and Bone. I would prefer printed wedding invitations, but I’m fine with digital Save the Date and Rehearsal Dinner invitations. Opinions?
We did formal paper invites. There was a separate card enclosed with the invite that referenced their wedding website. The website had RSVPs, information about the rehersal dinner and farewell brunch (only those invited saw that information), hotel, shuttle busses, and other stuff. We did get a few RSVP cards made up for people we knew were technology challenged.
Kids ended up framing the wedding invitation and have it displayed in their home.
ETA: They also had paper Save the Dates. The wedding website was on the card.
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D1 and her H sent a magnet with a picture of them for the save the date and there was also a paper included with the wedding website for more details. The invitations they sent were paper, but there was an insert with instructions to go to the website and RSVP and choose meals. The website had hotels, wedding activities, what to wear, etc.
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Our S and DIL did paper save the dates plus paper invitations and digital rsvps.
My D did paper save the dates, wedding invitations and response cards, along with a wedding weekend itinerary and separate map. Personally I love paper invitations. Love opening the wedding invitation or rehearsal dinner invitation. Also appreciate having all the info on one place so I don’t have to go searching for it online.
The most recent wedding I attended had a digital save the date, paper wedding invitation with a QR code to respond. It was convenient.
I think the younger generation is much more comfortable with incorporating digital into the invitation process. And as far as obtaining responses digital is probably easier, especially for younger people because it’s what they’re used to using.
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I feel like this could also go in the feeling older thread.
Because I feel positively ancient with only digital invitations!
My kid who got married this summer used paper invitations, for the wedding and the save the dates. If their refrigerator is any indication, many of their friends do also. They are in their mid 30’s so maybe an age thing?
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One problem with the digital rsvp is my brother didn’t realize he was invited to welcome party and was hurt. (He’s not that good at tech.). We should have called him or his secretary ahead of time to make sure he knew he was welcome. We also had to track down H’s friends and they didn’t do digital replies and assumed he knew they’d come.
My S sent a “Save the Date” card that had the link to the wedding website. My D is doing digital only. Although my DIL created a DIY wedding invitation to send to her elderly relatives who didn’t have email addresses/didn’t use computers.
My S used The Knot and my D (wedding is next summer) is using With Joy. She’s in the UK.
I did need to assist one of my brothers who asked me a ton of questions about the UK wedding, and while I answered him, I also mentioned that all his questions were covered under the FAQ portion of their website. While he saw the email with the wedding information, he never clicked on the link to go to the wedding website.
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