We paid for and hosted our older D’s wedding. The MOG was kept in the loop by her son and she joined in venue visits, food tasting, and hosted the rehearsal dinner. I didn’t care if she picked her dress before or after I did. The MOG had some opinions which we listened to but ultimately they had little to no effect on the decisions. My D and her fiancé made most of the choices but she and I discussed all of them in depth before hand and she and I worked on the finer details like the flowers, the map we included, enhancements to the bridesmaids’ dresses. I did have veto (and modification) power since the reception was as much a reflection of the hosts as the bridal couple.
My S is newly engaged. He and his fiancé have asked many questions about how we planned my daughter’s weddings and the associated costs. I’m not anticipating being involved other than planning the rehearsal dinner. I’m happy to help in any way if asked but I’m looking forward to enjoying the day as an honored guest and not worrying if everything is going according to plan.
Oh, I think it’s interesting that you feel that the reception was a reflection on you too rather than just the B & G. I don’t think I’ll feel that way at all.
We never felt S’s wedding or reception was anything but the joyful celebration they planned and held. We were happy for them as was everyone who came. My older sis wanted him to try to outdo his cousin who had an ultra fancy wedding the year before but S said, “nope, we are having what WE want.”
At my daughter’s wedding, the groom’s parents paid for the rehearsal dinner but there were some snafues and the meals came out very late. We didn’t care because we were doing speeches, having drinks and laughing but MOG complained bitterly to the venue afterward and the refunded the ENTIRE cost of the rehearsal dinner, including the bar bill! So they paid $0. It was at an Inn and the owners felt so bad, they also gave them several free nights at the Inn!
Good grief! That really worked out for them! We did get a $700 gift certificate to use at any of a parent companies restaurants. That was very nice. We took everyone our fir dinner for combined birthdays last mo th at a pricey steakhouse.
Embarrassed MOG. We paid large sum toward S wedding, and were listed on invitation along with bride’s parents. We had no input on wedding/reception plans/food. When we learned a few weeks before the wedding the single entree was one that over 10% of our guests would not eat (red meat, medium rare), we asked to have an alternative at our full cost (was at a country club with simultaneous full dinner service for members). All of our guests were from out of town, reception in bride’s town. Were told no by the bride’s family without them even consulting the venue. Then found at the reception some of the bride’s family and friends were served a different dinner (gluten and dairy free, all courses). Made apologies to our guests (yes the meat dinners were not eaten). Still feel we were poor hosts, because we knew the food would not be suitable. Our guests were gracious.
Have planned two other weddings as a parent since then - 3 entree choices offered at receptions, accommodations for gluten, nuts, and other sensitivities also available for all.
I agree no embarrassment for you. The bride’s family should be ashamed. Incredibly poor behavior on their part: happy to share the costs but not the planning or to take your guests’ needs into account.
So not cool on the bride’s side. Almost every venue will allow dietary substitutions at no cost, especially if you are going from steak to chicken or veggies (they make more money on the substitutions!). D and FSIL doing all the planning but they take input/suggestions from both sets of parents on venue, food, drink, dress, flowers, etc… A lot of these activities have allowed our families to get more familiar and closer to each other.
I have never looked at this thread, but now, I can officially look at it. S is getting married next year. In his proposal, he took an element of our proposal set-up almost 36 years earlier.
When I found out that D2 was only going to offer vegan and beef for dinner, I said we needed to offer another entree, like fish. She said it would cost more and she was trying to save me some money. I told her to go ahead with it.
Our S & DIL were aware of varying food issues as DIL has multiple allergies. They had a buffet with many choices. Appetizers similarly had a variety of options. It worked out well, as far as we know.
D and SIL’s wedding featured a buffet with several options. They were very aware of friends/family who needed vegetarian, vegan, gluten free meals and tried to make sure that everyone could find something to eat.
Unfortunately that can happen in any food setting (one of my children has multiple food allergies). We did avoid things like shellfish, nuts,peanuts, etc.
My D said “yes” to the dress. She went back for her appointment to the shop we visited two weeks ago and took her bff along who loved the dress. Got a text/photo a few minutes ago. Their wedding planner is coming next week for a site visit (wedding events at our house, local church, and another venue in our town).
I have some allergies (fortunately not anaphylactic ones) and have had minor issues with cross contamination. No one at reception told us if any problems anyone had so I’m thinking it was ok.
Do you all think an event planner is worthwhile? Our extended family has never used one, although the venues have always provided a “day of” coordinator, and we’ve used the venues’ suggested vendor list. None of us ever had anything but great experiences doing it that way, so I don’t know what a paid coordinator would add.
