We were reusing the topper from my folks’ wedding cake for our weddings. My older sis used it and we did. I think my older sister still has the topper. It was a sentimental thing.
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My SIL bought us a very cutesy bride and groom ducks cake topper. It was 100% not my style (our cake was decorated with fresh azalea flowers). We put the cake topper in a nice glass display case and had the florist use it to make a floral arrangement for the head table. I was very careful not to try to give my unsolicited opinions to D when she planned her wedding, remembering the very well intended gift from SIL.
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my SiL bought her dress from Goodwill! She had it slightly altered but even so, it was less than $100. She looked wonderful.
DiL bought a full tulle (and something, maybe..I don’t know fabric)skirt, and a seamstress custom-made the top for her. It was a perfect fit and pretty. Her mom wanted to buy a dress without her , and thwarted on that front, produced a dress for the reception. As a compromise, DiL wore that one to her shower.
FDiL looked at a bunch, and was kind enough to have her sisters video chat me in so I could watch! Her grandmother’s wedding present was funds towards a dress (FDiL is a notorious penny pincher)
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Wedding dresses on their own are expensive enough but the alterations can really make your soul leave your body! I get it, they are working with intricate lace and tulle but holy cow! My D’s dress almost fit her like a glove, but we still had to have the bustle made and some areas taken in under the arms.
Meanwhile, my younger D, who was a bridesmaid and away at college, took her dress to a random dry cleaner/alterations place and had the alterations done for less than $30 
Some people are superstitious and don’t want a wedding dress that may have bad juju attached to it. They are more likely to wear their mother’s or grandmother’s dress when they know the marriages were long & happy.
Renting special occasion dresses is a great idea - my daughters do it as well.
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Open question: did you sit with friends, or family, or something else (like the inevitable random persons with no obvious group) at the wedding? Round tables or long tables? They have a choice of round, or long rectangles, or a combinationof both (which is a lot of configuration choices)
Both weddings sat with family. Round table for one oblong for the other. All the tables at the venue were either round or oblong.
We sat with family at D’s wedding. In-laws were at next table with their family. Kids had a sweetheart table. We used oblong tables supplied by the venue.
We had round tables with between 8-10 people at each. We sat with my sisters and niece (who seldom travel anywhere) and two very very good friend couples.
Other relatives were seated nearby.
The hardest thing to do for this wedding was the seating chart!
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Both of my kids did long tables. We were able to talk to people in front of us and next us. With round table you could only talk to people next to you (2 people).
Both of my kids spent a lot of time with the seating chart. I sat with my family and some friends. I didn’t sit with the bridal party, but I was seated facing them so I could look see them. We tried to seat the (parents) friends with people they may like, even if they didn’t know each other. They also gave better seats to adult friends, and put their friends at not as desirable seats because they figured their friends would be up and about more.
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The seating chart is one of the most challenging parts of reception planning. We sat with family at all of our kids weddings. Rectangular were used at two as they wanted a farmhouse style. The other was at a restaurant venue and they used a mix. I think it’s personal preference.
What I strongly dislike is when there is not assigned tables.
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At D1’s wedding there were round tables of 8 (?). We sat with our son and his wife, the maid of honor and her husband and D2’s roommates who knew us well. For many reasons this worked out well!
One of those reasons was it was a smaller venue (and smaller wedding - about 75). The ceremony took place right in this dining space. The thing was in order to have a dance floor, the staff needed to move 2 tables to make room for that. Ours and the groom’s parents table (which was also filled with immediate family. We were a bit concerned about this - lol, losing our seats! - but actually it worked out fine because once dinner was done we wanted to be up and about talking to people, dancing, out on the terrace, etc. We did not miss that table at all!
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S had different sized tables to fit all the people of different categories so each category of guest got a different table—bride’s family, bride’s friends, groom’s family, groom’s friends, groom’s parents’ friends, and a sweetheart table for the bride & groom. It worked for them and they were pleased. We had no input at all on seating.
When we & my sibs were married, my parents had to figure out seating for all their 100s of guests. It was very tiring and stressful. They’d switch people around sometimes. Before we had word processors, it was especially difficult. We’d make them file cards of guests attending whom they invited and they’d make bundles of 10, because tables seated exactly 10.
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tables will be assigned, just not seats. i can’t imagine the chaos with no assignments at all!
I have given input only that once the rsvps are in, it may become apparent what the seating should be. DH and I have asked to please not be seated w my inlaws…but I suspect that is going to be necessary just to make the room work. We have no input (nor do we want it) otherwise but I had hoped to myself that they wouldn’t put the whole bridal party at one giant table. We don’t see S2/DiL very often and it would have been nice to sit with them.
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I’m lazy. Solved the seating arrangement issues for D and SIL’s wedding by letting them figure it out. They did a great job, but then D has very good organizational skills as well as a good understanding of human dynamics.
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Knock on wood, numbers from the RSVP’s shook out right, at least for our side. “Younger” generation have their tables, older generation and a few friends at other tables, college buddies at 1 table with the 2 lawyer couples at the “judge’s” table (future in law a lawyer). I do think it helped a bit for my D that when W and I gave her our list, we had groupings already in mind.
I think they are opting for a small cake with dessert table. My idea of an ice cream truck for dessert fell on deaf years. “Just write your speech, and make it under 10 minutes.” I will get my shots in under 5, maybe less. Like we say here, “The thicker the…”
Two weeks and counting down!
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Seating charts seem to cause so much angst at weddings. At a friend’s son’s wedding recently. We were seated with friends (expected) in one corner of the room - perfectly fine with us. Groom’s aunt and uncle were seated at our table too - ok with us, but they were apparently furious at this.
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We (us, in-laws, “person of honor”) all agreed to stay around 2 minutes for speeches and it seemed like enough.
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At D1’s wedding last year both H and the father of the groom spoke as well as the maid of honor and best man. I think all 4 speeches were less than 20 minutes total which was perfect. We have been to weddings with very long speeches and people at the tables were definitely getting restless!
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The best man & maid of honor speeches were too long at D’s wedding, IMO - but they did serve cake during that time, so we were able to eat while listening. At least they were nice speeches. Back in the day, everyone in my circle did toasts, rather than speeches, so I might be bringing my Boomer sensibilities to how I viewed the speeches.
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At DD1/SIL’s wedding reception, they had a lot of young people which had some seating at tables, some of the high cocktail tables on one side which had limited space, and some chairs for sitting around the area but w/o tables. The room could only hold 165 with the space for the band - so as DD1/SIL knew of ‘regrets’ they were able to invite more local friends. These young people all understood the wedding limitations. Some of the large tables had ‘reserved’ on it for older family members and friends - and we got the word out to these folks to sit at these tables. I was at the end of the reception line (coming into the hall from the church) and I made sure the people got seated properly - one couple (I only had a few non-family people on my short list) were trying to find a spot, and I said “there is room on this table” - they didn’t know they were part of the ‘reserved’ tables. DH and I didn’t sit at the same tables, as he was taking care of his elderly parents, and I was taking care of people at the end of the reception line. The caterer did a great job with plenty of food for everyone (it was buffet). There was a dance area - I believe they shifted tables back to where the food lines had been. The wedding had a 20-piece jazz band with singer, which that took up some room - the dance area was then near the band (that was their ‘splurge’ but was very reasonable cost - it was a college organization/with young alum, and we knew the lead tenor sax) - DD2/maid of honor who was in two jazz bands with the lead tenor sax, actually went in on the last number (which they had done together before, which included solos for each of them) - DD2 just took a few minutes to warm up, and it was all memory work along with the basic jazz book. We have a video clip of that, and the lead tenor sax sadly died at age 31 this past year - and his family and we have a great memory of that time – and also some clips from their time on jazz band together on performance tour through China at invitation of China’s Cultural Ambassador.
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