Furious? That’s really too bad. Everyone tries their best to accommodate competing needs.
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Oh - there was plenty of drama at this wedding, primarily from the aunt. We got caught in the crossfire.
I don’t think the poor kids could win no matter what they did - someone or the other was going to be unhappy.
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At son’s wedding they had no reception/receiving line But the bride and groom did a very good job of mingling and visiting all the tables.
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At my daughter’s wedding in Oct., she didn’t have a very good idea of how many were coming so we set up the tables for many more than had RSVP’d. Her MIL owned the venue so it didn’t matter. MIL put ‘reserved’ on several tables but never told my family to sit at them so we went to the sides and those center tables sat empty. B&G had a sweetheart table which I really hated as it took them away from us. Most of the bridal party sat at the table closest to the B&G, and then the MIL and her friends sat near them. Honestly, I didn’t care and ate with my family but then floated around.
Before the wedding (about 2 months before) I told the MIL that I didn’t want my guests to have to clean up and if she would hire some people (I was thinking hs kids) to just keep the clean up going I’d pay for it. Oh no, she said, her ‘people would do it’. Of course at 9:30 or so, I was sitting in a chair watching the dancing and fun and she came up to me, changed into sweats (she lives on the premises) and said ‘you know, it’s your wedding too and you could help clean up.’ I was still wearing my dress and SHOES and didn’t want to haul trash or empty cups. I will never forgive her (I don’t really like her that much but have little contact). I had cancer last year and I was exhausted from radiation and didn’t want to clean up and I’d TOLD her that two months before. My best friend helped but I didn’t let any of the cousins or my sister do anything.
So I cleaned up, took all the extra cupcakes (that I’d paid for) and left.
Please don’t make anyone but the staff clean up. In fact, discourage anyone from helping especially the old, sick MOB.
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Wow,that’s awful, especially since you had told her you did not WANT to do that and had health
issues. Thankfully I have never been asked to help clean up at anyone’s wedding.
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At S’s wedding, the biggest issue was trying to retrieve our car from a lot that was locked. (We had to catch a ride home & retrieve the next morning.) We also took home unopened alcohol, which I returned to Costco for refunds.
The staff cleaned—awful to have to clean when you specifically offered to hire cleaners and were rebuffed. I wouldn’t like that pushy in law either. Boo!
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At my daughter’s wedding there were round tables of 10 or 12. I sat with my first cousins, niece and husband and their daughters, sister-in-law, maybe more I don’t remember. I am fairly hard of hearing and the music was pretty loud but I don’t remember having trouble hearing everyone.
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Alterations done and dress is back in our possession as of yesterday. Tailor was awesome. Yes, it was expensive. Had to take in bust and waist, hem it, and add removable straps.
Hometown bridal shower is tomorrow!
DD will be doing seating chart. We don’t have room to spare so seating must be done efficiently. Older DD didn’t do one, and while it ended up okay, if I had to do over again that would be the one thing I would change as some people struggled and I helped them find seats.
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It was a nice wedding and what daughter wanted, so I don’t want to leave the impression that it was awful as it wasn’t. A few things that were disappointing were the pictures (remedied that at DD2’s wedding) and the clean up/set up. Just too much work for basically nothing spectacular that could have been hired out for a small fee.
Groom’s parents are long divorced and the MIL made NO effort to make that go smoothly. At the rehearsal dinner, the poor dad went to a table in the corner and I invited him to sit with me and my friends. MIL was with the couple and her friends and made no effort to include any out of towners. Luckily most of my family are extroverts and will talk to anyone and are happy making their own fun. Some of my daughter’s college friends were great with a friend who has special needs and included her at the rehearsal and at the wedding. I was proud to have them there.
But it all works out - round tables, square, standing, buffet, drunk groomsmen…in the end they are married and there are some pictures (which some day I’ll see?)
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I did not imply the wedding was “awful.” The way you described being treated by the MIL DiD sound awful. Glad it was a nice wedding!
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Some of DD1/SIL’s friends were assigned to take care of loading up the left-over beer/wine from that table area (they could return unopened bottles) - which someone did do. They had disposable trays of the hot food with foil over it that DD1/SIL wanted to take to a local soup kitchen – I saw the trays and got busy with other tasks - and when I turned around someone had taken them. DD1/SIL had eaten separately from the reception (their own sweetheart meal together w/o distractions) and had later come in to cut the cakes (separate groom’s chocolate cake) and mingle with the group before the dancing started. We also had the left-over wedding/groom cakes to take to them. DD1/SIL asked me about 3X about the left-over food they wanted to deliver – and I told them what happened. It was gone and someone may have decided to take it to the soup kitchen, but that was mighty bold to take that w/o the bride/groom and family being asked about it before they took it.
I kept a close eye on the envelope box and Bride/Groom took those. The people who were supposed to take care of the gift loading/delivery ‘disappeared’ so DH, my friend that was staying with us, and I got a few others still around to help with that process (DH got the car right in front of the venue). The bride/groom leftover food was nicely packaged in a carry bag and I was able to deliver that to them (we had enough at the hotel that they got a free night with the bridal suite). They had single males (most in the bridal party) staying at the groom’s apartment - and they let us in to take in the wedding gifts (why they disappeared w/o a care either…). The bride’s shared apartment with her friend overlapped with groom’s apartment time by a few weeks, and her friend ended up renting a 1 BR at the same complex. DD1 was in 4 different apartments over 7 years there - first one with her GF and the other 3 with DH and later moving with child 2 and child 3. The last was a townhouse that was 4 units away from her original GF (who was also a bridesmaid) and her H’s townhouse, as she got married in those interim years.
About receiving lines or visiting tables……I remember back to my wedding day that even though we purchased an extra hour for the reception, boy did it go fast. We had about 200 guests, and I really wanted to have fun and enjoy dancing. It was important to my then H and his family that we visit each table and personally thank each guest for coming. We ended up dividing up otherwise we would t have talked with all the guests. That was something I hadn’t expected to do, because I thought the receiving line outside of the church fulfilled that function of personally thanking each guest for coming.
I’m glad you & SOS mentioned this topic. I’ll be seeing my D over the weekend and will mention this issue to her so she & her fiancé can think about how they want to handle this.
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How exciting for you!
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We had a receiving line for our 750 guests and welcomed them. After that, we were on the dance floor for the reception and happy to talk to anyone that came to the dance floor—we were easy to find—white tux and white gown! We did NOT have the energy to go to each of the 75 tables. We did take a photo with my law firm, who attended the wedding, as well as several family shots—at the church and some at reception.
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D and SIL stopped by the tables of family and parent’s friends. They did not go table-to-table with their friends as they danced with them most of the evening and spent time together at the (friends only) after-party.
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S & DIL did try to visit with everyone and also had a welcome happy hour at the hotel in Waikiki where some of the guests were staying (they provided the appetizers and paid for 1 drink for most of those who came). They also had a brunch the morning after at my sister’s house and were able to visit with folks there. Since it was a very small wedding, they were able to speak with everyone.
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My D & SIL did the welcome party the night before so they could visit with everyone for a longer time than they would be able to at the reception. No receiving line but they did get around to all the tables to thank everyone before the dancing started.
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Neither of my kids did a reception line - totally forgot about that tradition! To be honest, i would dislike being in one and I’ve always hated going through one.
As an introvert, that is a nightmare!
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Kid did lots of untraditional things.
It wasn’t my wedding and we respected what they planned.
The other parents didn’t. It was rude frankly.
If I have any wisdom, try and respect what the people getting married want.
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This is a happy memory.
When my son was in college, then grad school, I took son’s close friends to dinner each visit. At the wedding, there was a table of HS friends, another of college and a third of grad school. It was noted that I could visit at each table. I was delighted to meet the wives/GFs.
Many of these friends interacted because at the bar at far corner, there was a video game set up.
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