2016 and beyond wedding moms and dads (Part 2)

Parent Cafe
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S2 and DiL, after being pronounced husband and wife and going down the aisle to exit followed by the wedding party, returned to the front of the sanctuary and did a row-by-row dismissal themselves. This way, there was no standing in a receiving line and they got to see every one of their guests even if it was briefly. Admittedly, there were 85 guests so not a big wedding. At the reception they went around and said hi to everyone again but more informally.

Guests went and stood outside the church, and the photographer took photos from behind the couple as they exited into the crowd, it’s a great shot.

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We had a receiving line at church. DD1/SIL did go around to all the tables and to their friends.

At a friend’s son’s wedding, the Vietnamese bride had changed into the red traditional dress, and they did go visit the tables. Some of the relatives had the envelopes to put in her purse.

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D did not have a receiving line. She & her H made sure to visit every table during the reception. I would love to have ditched the receiving line at my wedding 
 it’s an introvert’s nightmare 
 but everyone had one back then. D told me that none of the weddings she attended had them, and I don’t think anyone missed it at her wedding.

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I havent been to a wedding with a receiving line in 30 years. My daughter didn’t even know what one was. Her response when I asked her about them was “like at a funeral?” lol. That’s the only place she’s seen that sort of practice. Of course what is “ normal “ is based on our own experience. Daughter was recently at a wedding of one of her only friends who isn’t Jewish . She was startled when she realized that neither the brides mother nor the grooms parents would go down the aisle. When I pointed out that she must have seen that all the time in movies/tv her response was “I thought that was like a fake Hollywood thing!”

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As the MOB, I like your tradition! I’d think the Groom’s parents would like it too!

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Both H and I walked down the aisle with both parents at our wedding 45 years ago. We are not Jewish but I had seen this done at a friend’s wedding and liked it . D and SIL did this at their wedding, too.

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We walked down the aisle and widowed MOB and her S walked down the aisle then bride and her uncle. I don’t think they had a receiving line—just picture-taking, cocktails & appetizers.

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I still find it wild that in this day and age some young women still only have a man (father or father figure) walk them down the aisle. I’m sure some of that is bias based on the fact that it is outside my tradition (which is not exactly feminist based), but I just don’t get it.

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My D was happy to walk down the aisle with her dad, although there was no “giving her away” - he just accompanied her. SIL’s parents walked down together first, then I walked down the aisle accompanied by my S. It wasn’t old fashioned, it was just the guy she wanted to walk down the aisle with on her way to the altar.

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As every family has their traditions, and others have their own. Some want to create.

I hope that we can respect whatever is best for the couple marrying. Who is not us, their parents

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But other than “ old fashioned tradition “ why just a guy? I mean old fashioned tradition IS a reason to only have a man, the dad, accompanying a bride. But if that’s NOT the reason , why would a young woman not want her mother there also ?

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I always feel like the MOB gets a, “moment,” of her own by walking in individually (even if escorted). Maybe MOBs still want that?? Just speculating. They are usually the last person to be seated prior to the wedding party procession.

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I think some of this tradition has to do with the old phrase “giving her away”. And that the MOB walks separately down the aisle, getting her own moment in the spotlight in the MOB dress that she lost many nights of sleep over getting, lol!

That I think could be one reason whether you or I agree with it. Weddings are wonky. Many ways to do things! Many family traditions or religious traditions! To each their own!

My DIL had her mom walk her down the aisle because even though her dad is alive, she doesn’t have a relationship with her. And at that wedding my son asked my H and I to walk down with him.

For my daughter (in her mid 30s) I actually
Thought she might walk down herself. Nope, she asked both H and I to do it.

For the record, “giving her away” makes no sense to me. Are parents of groom not “giving him away” - if we are giving people away?!! lol.

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Women were considered property.

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For our family, it was an opportunity for my S to be a part of the ceremony in a way that was comfortable for him. He doesn’t like to be in the spotlight, but he could handle escorting Mom to the front pew. If not for that, I imagine D would have walked down the aisle with both H & me, as some of her friends have done. She also has friends who chose to walk down the aisle together as a couple, which she thought was fine. There’s no right or wrong. Heck, my friend walked down the aisle with her fiancĂ© and their two year old child in the late 70’s!

Now, when it comes to the woman promising to obey the man, I do have strong opinions that I will keep to myself (as I did at my niece’s wedding).

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I hope that was a long, long, LONG time ago!!!

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And in some parts of the world they still are.

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It would be interesting to research!

I’m just saying that is likely where the tradition of, “giving away,” came from.

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We just went with whatever the couple wanted. S wanted to stand at the front with officiant and they told us what they wanted and we smiled and nodded. I didn’t feel I needed a moment and I don’t think MOB did either but all both looked great and were very happy.

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