MOB usually gets a lot of “moments” with the bride: dress shopping, shoe shopping, “day of” helping with dressing up getting ready for the big event… Let FOB have his “moment” walking with his little girl down the isle.
In our most recent case, Mr. walked with the little kid. I walked with my soon to be SIL - his mom doesn’t travel and so couldn’t be there. While I can never replace his mom, it was a “welcome to the family” walk.
I know a bride who intended to walk down the aisle by herself. When she learned her Dad really had been looking forward to the moment, she agreed to include him as it was not a big deal to her either way. Later she commented that she had underestimate her nervousness for the big event and really appreciated having a steady arm.
My younger DIL walked herself down the aisle.
The “tradition” part of weddings seems to be all over the board lately and I love it! I’m always excited to see what fresh ideas each couple has. It keeps weddings from being a bit redundant.
I love the idea of both parents walking the bride down the aisle, if that’s what the bride wants. I’ve also seen brothers and uncles do it and if the bride has a close relationship with a stepfather, I’ve seen them walk her halfway down the aisle and hand off to the father for the 2nd half of the walk. I’ve seen a MOB do it if the father is not present. I’ve seen dogs as ring bearers. I love it all!
In my DIL’s case, there were “issues” with her dad. She chose to invite him to the wedding but not participate. She is a strong woman.
Then we have the old traditions of dowry and/or bride price in their various iterations. I am sure there are reams of anthropological studies on this.
My mother’s parents wanted to both answer “who gives this bride” and also wanted the words changed to “presents this bride”. The pastor said horrors! but my grandfather corrected him at the altar and they both answered anyway. Take that, traditions. Both sets of my grandparents actually eloped so my parents’ wedding was new for them.
I was “presented” by my father/mother, walked by my dad, because I was his pride and joy and he would never ask for anything (he thought I might walk myself).
My son walked down the aisle himself, a departure from tradition for our faith but all the wedding party walked (sometimes groomspeople just line up at the altar as things begin). When he reached us, I forgot myself and jumped up and gave him a kiss, which the photographer captured. “What’s that for” he whispered. “I got carried away again” I said.
DiL walked herself, collected her mom partway, my son came up to meet them and they walked the rest together. Nobody gave anybody away.
FDiL and S1 haven’t decided any of this yet but I do love that everyone gets to do what makes sense for them, in their situation. One of my nieces was walked down the aisle by both her dad and her stepdad. One walked herself. It’s all grand at a wedding – we need more happy events in the world.
A couple of months ago a friend told me about her daughter’s wedding and that she was sorry there wasn’t enough room to invite us. I was not upset at all (have met her daughter only a couple of times) and told her I totally understood; it’s also a long drive and a hotel room away. Also they had not been invited to our 3 weddings as they do not know our kids (also weddings were not local to her and others and that friend circle not invited). When she apologized a second time I said something similar and added we had trip reservations to be away 10 days at that time, so we couldn’t have come anyway. Yesterday we received an invitation, with the original (3 weeks ago) RSVP date crossed out and today’s date written in. I’m inclined to send just a relatively small gift from the registry; what would you do?
Just realized we don’t know where the couple lives (not even what state)and to send a card we would have to send to her mother, ask her mother, or include in gift notice. (Address withheld) on registry.
I think the invitation is your friend’s way of showing that she appreciates your friendship and wanted to share this memory with you. Taking it as that, I’d send a small gift with a lovely card to the bride & groom through your friend, to show well wishes to them on their new life together.
When is the wedding? Is it possible that you made the ‘B’ list of invites for the upcoming wedding? ETA that with the RSVP date 3 weeks ago, it’s likely the event had not yet happened.
Is there a wedding website? Pick a gift from the registry, if you are so inclined, and it will get to the couple from the vendor.
The wedding is in late June
I would just send a small gift from the registry and leave it at that.
At my church, aisle would be too narrow for both parents to walk a bride down the aisle. I do monthly usher duty and have notice that even just with two ushers (neither of us very large) it can feel crowded unless we stagger ourselves a bit. Of course at outside weddings there is usually plenty of space.
Most of the weddings we have attended in the last several years ( including D and SIL’s) were not held in a church. I think the only church weddings my kids have witnessed were two or three on H’s side of the family.
Several of my nieces were married in a church. S, nephew and another niece were married in other venues. D’s friends were NOT married in churches. It’s all what the couple wants.
My comment about church weddings was an observation, no judgement intended.
However at least 2 of the church weddings I attended were not what the couple wanted, they went along to appease parents.
It’s a big change from my generation.
We got married in a Methodist church but my kids have attended mostly non church weddings (definitely the majority).
I have a good friend who is married to a pastor. Many churches (though not all) do not allow alcohol on their premises. She believes this is the main reason that many people have moved away from church weddings. Couples desire a one-stop venue for both the wedding and the reception. That can usually easily happen at a church facility (ceremony in the sanctuary, reception in the fellowship hall) but NOT if people want alcohol at their reception. Almost all weddings of my era were held at a church. If you did not have alcohol at the reception, it was held in the church fellowship hall. If you did have alcohol, the reception was at a country club or hotel. It is/was a hassle for everyone (especially bridal party) to relocate. But, that’s just how most everyone I knew did it 35+ years ago.
My mil’s church no longer even allows weddings. This was decided back in the fall as a veiled way to prevent gay marriages, but that is a different topic.
Yes, there are very few churches/congregations outside of Catholic that have weddings not actually in the church worship area. I have a friend’s daughter that had the church ceremony with a few attendants and the outdoor wedding (a vows exchange but they were already married) with the big group and party.
Fallen away or non-practicing Catholics don’t understand – and being married ‘in the Church’ is not important to them, or do not want it because they want to be continuing non-practicing (more than the marriage license, it is a sacramental registered event by the Catholic Church). The couple has to minimally meet at least 6 months prior to wedding date with pastor/deacon for marriage preparation. Deacons in the Catholic faith have ecclesiastical and theological training to perform weddings and baptisms. Explaining this for those who are of the many faiths who may not have been exposed to Catholics/practicing Catholics.
Outdoor weddings have become a popular trend - some will have separate photos taken outdoors before or after a wedding (in church or other indoor venue). The club where niece was married was a semipermanent outdoor tent with outdoor patio type area adjacent to the tent. They stepped away into some of the golf course tree/shrubbery/grass areas for pictures.
