My niece and her H were married at the courthouse because that was helpful for them to be together (he was military & being deployed). They were going to have a larger reception later in Honolulu but that was canceled due to COVID and their venue canceling all large events. They eventually had a baby shower/wedding after moving back to Honolulu and it was a very happy event at my brother & SisIL (bride’s parents’) home. The couple and their D are all very happy. So far, everyone else has had a larger wedding and reception.
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What’s wrong with having a wedding in a community center? Big kid had hers in one. That place was brand new and had to die for views of the Sound and the mountains. Everyone had a fantastic time, and a liquor license was not that expensive. 
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A lot of different situations in my extended family and the weddings reflected that. So did changing circumstances over the generations. All of the weddings have been lovely.
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I’ve been to a number of weddings in community centers in New England, and they were all great weddings. Most of them had casual catering, but 2 were pot-luck (which I think help contribute to everyone feeling invested in the wedding), and 1 had a fancy caterer and didn’t have a community center feel at all. I wonder whether this is a regional thing? I certainly think it’s a city vs rural thing.
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Would you be ok with it if they did want a simple wedding??
I think it depends on the part of the country one is in, as well as size of town/city and what is available for a local wedding.
I like the comments where there were lovely wedding receptions that had a wonderful vibe.
‘Simple’ weddings today also can have quite a range in what it entails and costs - it can mean small (and can be very high end or can be a destination small/intimate).
Most things with sizable attendance are going to involve more funds to be up to the standards of most young brides.
IMHO Covid and inflation have drastically increased the price of many things with wedding receptions and things around the wedding - including flowers, photography, videography. I am sure some on this thread were part of pre-covid weddings and cost. DD1 had 2017 wedding that was very lovely w/o high-end costs, largely due to her connections (having lived in her location for 5 years) had reasonably priced but very nice catering, flowers, venue rate, even 21-piece jazz band (college and beyond musicians that traveled in). Cathedral wedding - as parishioner/tither, did not have to pay the church use fee of $1,500. I looked to see if the church use fee is indicated now, and it may be more improbable now to have the wedding there if not an active member of that parish. On DD1’s wedding date, there were two other wedding parties at the hotel, and they both had wanted the Cathedral but DD1 had it (so their weddings were at other Catholic churches in the city). Was able to use the respectable parish hall for a reasonable fee. The rehearsal dinner location - which had a catering kitchen and very nice dinner area with tables/chairs - paid no fee due to DD1 being very involved with that Catholic student center (summer wedding so center was available).
There are some communities where it is thoughtful and perhaps customary to bring/add potluck dishes to a reception, be it wedding or funeral. One of the fanciest places in my hometown (10,000 people in WI) - our caterer stated that there will be some people that will bring dishes to my dad’s funeral reception (at this location away from the church). She knew what to provide for the size of the attendees, and it did all work out. We as family did not have to do anything but come. We were sent home with food as well. Dad was a well-respected businessman and knew a lot of people, and he died young (64), so funeral and reception was well attended (church was packed). This was in 1995, so times may have changed from then as well.
The caterer packed up the food left over from DD1’s wedding - bride and groom wanted to deliver to place where they feed homeless, but someone else beat them to taking it as far as we know. I saw it packaged up, and I probably should have moved it to be where the gift table was, because it was gone when bride/groom asked about it. For their wedding, the bride/groom ate in a private room, and the caterer packed up their leftovers in a very nice tote - and I had that for them with the gift area.
After the wedding, very few of the ‘assigned’ friends of DD1/SIL actually helped with tasks. The leftover beer/booze area - that friend did package up what was able to be returned unopened. The rest DH and I took charge of because all the young people disappeared; we enlisted a few friends to help toting the gifts to DH’s car out front, and what table/room rearranging needed to be done. DD1 had collected from other friend’s purchased table clothes, along with additional purchased ones, so we handled collecting those to be later laundered at our home. Cheaper to do the tables that way in their area at that time. SIL’s apartment was being used by some of his out-of-town friends, who were at the apartment when we dropped off the wedding gifts there (yes they disappeared as well at the reception venue).
I was trying to scroll back to where the MOB and MOG both in conference call/skype with the couple about ‘clean up’ after wedding reception. Young people might ‘think’ their friends can be counted on for tasks after the reception – not in our experience from DD1’s wedding.
DD2/BF are thinking about engagement and wedding for a long time. They have dated for 6 years exclusively and have lived together for much of that. His career has not been established, but he just got a very good professional job offer in another FL city. DD2 can work remote (engineering job) but is not uprooting until he works there for a time and finds it is stable. The next 6 months will be telling. DD2 has realized for some time that she has needed to be patient. BF is in sports management, and over-supply of college educated people wanting a career in sports and limited opportunities (also nepotism and favoritism of team owner’s circle of friend’s kids). BF has not gotten to a level where he has not been ‘disposable’. Team manager w/o a contract and gets fired and they do other things to ‘cut costs’ (which happened in his last job). DD2 is staying with her firm, which has other cities with offices and is growing in her state (FL). She has been ‘stable’ on a career path; DD2 is 29, BF is 28.
Clean up can always be an issue. Even with a pot-luck, I think it’s nice to hire a couple of people to serve and clean -up.
I hope your daughter’s boyfriend has good luck with his new job!
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Absolutely nothing wrong. I was responding to the idea that we should go “ back” to the simpler weddings with the assumption that that how they all were in the past. I was pointing out that in our family weddings have not been “simple” affairs in generations. Thus I would not expect ( as in not assume likely ) that my kids would choose to do that.
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Probably would not want an event where we had to do the kind of work setting up and cleaning up described by some here. A simpler wedding than the elaborate wedding my daughter had would be fine if we hired someone to do all that work , but then it wouldn’t be so simple.
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That sounds very unpleasant! In my circle children no more attend a wedding than they would attend a dinner party. Youngster in the bridal party( flower girl etc….) are whisked away immediately after the ceremony. Often by the grandparents who are not related to the bride/groom
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My son and DIL (the wedding that started this thread!) had a wedding venue that we had to be involved in some of the set up and some of the clean up. Not heavy moving of tables - they had a company that did that but we had to haul in alcohol and ice, put tablecloths on the tables, set up some decor, place the centerpieces - that kind of stuff. And then reverse it after the wedding (we did some after, some the next day)
It was fine. The venue was a retro train station in town that was just starting to rent out for events so they did not have an event staff or resources. The ticket counter was the bar. It was VERY roomy - really we had a whole second huge room that was just used to stage the food.
After their wedding the train station used a couple pics from their wedding to start booking similar events. But I also see online that they stopped renting it out in 2023!
Adding in that we were able to set up the day before the wedding - so morning of the rehearsal dinner day. (And we also planned and executed the rehearsal ourselves too!) Good thing I was 9 years younger than now! 
Funny when I went looking for an image this pic came up - this is totally when we were setting up! I believe that is me in the red shirt!
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Our upcoming wedding will have 14 children under 10, and we are excited to see them. In our circle, it is considered an affront to not invite family children, but of course it is up to parents whether they come or not.
At the end of S1s wedding, when they turned to face the congregation , all his cousins’ littles were standing on the back pew waving, it was great. But I totally can see you don’t always want a bunch of kids underfoot
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What a fun venue! Too bad it’s no longer available.
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The cleanup after my sister-in-law’s wedding was an enormous job with so little help that my husband and I swore if we ever had a kid, even if the reception was simply cake and punch in the parish hall, we would hire staff to clean up. Almost forty years later, the memory of picking up pieces of potpourri thrown at the departing couple off the carpet on our hands and knees (there was no broom) is vivid.
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I don’t want to keep the what annoys me thread on the wedding gift tangent.
We had a refreshing invite. No gifts needed and if one felt the need to gift something they requested donations to one of their favorite charities. They gave a list of about 10 that had varying causes so everyone could find something they liked. Also no showers, not bachelorette or bachelor parties.
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One things here about showers. They really have become all about the MOB. In my area, they are thrown by the mother’s friends (along with, often, the bride’s aunts). There are as more than two dozen hostesses.One person (either the mom’s best friend or her sister) coordinates the whole thing and the other hostesses either have one task (get the candy for the table, arrange for flowers etc…) or just write a check to pay for the party. There is one gift given by all the hostesses. So there are only a few other gifts. Usually given by the bridesmaids and elderly relatives which are either small kitchen gadgets sent directly to the bride or larger checks written by the grandmother or great aunt.
The whole point is for the MOB’s friends to celebrate the upcoming nuptial’s with her. The bride’s friends (other than the bridesmaids) often do not even attend.
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My niece had a big bridal shower thrown by the groom’s side in the city where groom was from (and where they were living). It was a mix of MOG family/friends and some of the bridesmaids and others that MOG coordinated with bride-to-be. It was a nice event, and I am sure they got some nice gifts off their registry.
Sorry, but I do not even get this. I mean, celebrate the MOB if she needs it (!) but it should be called a MOB Party - not a “bride” anything!
I understand family or friends of MOB throwing a shower. But for the focus to be on MOB (what happens if it’s a same sex marriage?)??? Nope.
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I don’t have 2 dozen friends.
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