lol only because my daughters college sorority sister recently married another sorority sister. The shower was given jointly by the friends of both of the moms! Why the focus has become the MOB around here I am not sure. I was shocked when I asked my daughter who she wanted at her shower and she said “showers are really more your friends, not mine”. My friends and sisters in law who threw my daughters shower kept asking me what I wanted. When I refereed them to my daughter they said “ she said to ask you”. All my friends tell me this is commonplace. Friends of the MOG are invited but don’t seem to host.
My daughter had a destination wedding. She thought that spending the money to come to her wedding was gift enough. She was older and had been on her own for a while. Her husband to be, the same
She did not have a shower. Instead she wanted a weekend gathering in a popular town near her. My sibling and her daughter hosted, my niece was my daughter’s only attendant. It was a hybrid bachelorette weekend with 3 older relatives 
The attendees were a mixture. Me the MOB, the MOG, my sibling, one cousin, sister of the groom. That was family. The other people were friends of my daughters. My daughter lives far from where she grew up and where our relatives are.
My niece had one shower. It was all family and friends of her mother. No friends of the bride. Why? I’m not sure. No cousins attended, my daughter and dil were not invited so I’m thinking no cousins invited? No idea. It was local to where she grew up and went to college.
I guess showers come in all shapes and sizes.
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I just received an evite for a shower for my cousin’s daughter. There are 20 hosts on the invitation, all of them friends of my cousin. She does have a large group of high school friends and most went to the same state university, so they have been good friends for well over 50 years.
I will be interested to see how many other invited guests there will be outside of family.
Oh, and the couple is already married, but will be having a vow renewal in October. The registry includes items from Crate and Barrel and monetary contribute to “our life together,” through Honeyfund. Honeyfund takes a portion of the money received.
I have no clue what the vow renewal entails and if I will be invited to that. I am sure that is going to be my mother’s first question!
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I don’t mind spending money, but I don’t like to waste money. I’m happier writing a check or otherwise delivering “cash” to a bride or a couple rather than going through a service that takes a % before it reaches the bride and groom. I thought the couple that had the “price” of the “events/excursions” you could purchase for them was kind of clever, and they gave different amounts, from “sunset drinks for 2” to “daylong said with snorkeling” kinds of amounts. I think the money all went to them. I can’t remember exactly how we paid for the things, but it seemed to work well for them.
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I had asked my D whether she will want a shower, or me to pay for her and her bridal party to go away for a weekend. On the one hand, I remember when I was pregnant I didn’t have a shower and felt like I missed a right of passage, but on the other hand I can’t imagine my D’s friends enjoying a traditional shower. My D’s thinking on it. I do feel like many traditions are changing.
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Wait, they are having ashower after the wedding? That’s a new one for me.
DiL did have a shower, mostly because her MOH really wanted to. Maybe 20 people total.
FDiL specifically told everyone she did not, under any circumstances, want a shower. Didn’t have bachelor/ette parties either, although the Best Men and MOHs all had weekend visits with the couple at times that worked for them, sort of as a substitute.
I think doing what makes contextual sense, as opposed to following a tradition for no particular reason, is always great.
Unrelated note: FDiL asked me would it be okay to take all the wedding flowers to my mother’s AL facility for their dining room 
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We took a lot of flowers from S and DIL’s wedding to my parents CCRC as well. .
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I was thinking…
I wonder if young people are opting for the destination bachelorette and forgoing the traditional shower invite for the friends.
Showers=old. If they have to have one, it’s for family and the mother’s friends. They don’t even want gifts it seems. Cash to buy what they want.
Bachelorette=friends. Besides it feels like friends are all over the country
My niece had the destination bachelorette for her friends.
Her mother and her friend “surprised” and crashed the bachelorette. I’m thinking that’s another story. The mom and her friend did not make the instagram post
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I think you might be right @deb922 . It does seem as if the time spent with friends is more of a big deal now than the showers.
As for the mom crashing the bachelorette party, a big No on that. My SIL did go to both of her D’s bachelorette weekends ( both were far from where they lived) and I thought that was strange.
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It was really strange.
Mom thinks she’s really cool and fun.
I can’t imagine. But then I’m not cool and not fun to a bunch of 20 some year olds.
Fly to the destination bachelorette that you weren’t invited to and didn’t tell your kid you were showing up to. Would not have gone over well with my kids.
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My D was a bridesmaid but was politely excused from attending an out-of-town bachelorette with another of the 8 bridesmaids because she had a court appearance on the Monday following the gathering. She was very relieved as she has limited stamina. She has attended another bachelorette party for her niece that she had to travel from LA to Vegas for. I believe they all had a nice (but expensive) time. It was “girls” only, no oldersters. My sister had us throw showers for each of her Ds for their weddings and each of their 6 children (2 apiece). It was fine and we were fine with doing it. It was a gathering of our clan and the sisters-in-law and mothers-in-law.
I figure, whatever the honoree and family wants is fine. People can opt to attend or bow out for whatever reason.
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I’d say definitely that the destination bach is what they do now with friend. Showers are for the old people/ Mom’s friends and family.
My daughter and son in law had a destination joint bach on a tropical island. My poor younger daughter (her MOH) was tasked with organizing the entire thing, setting up activities, games (there were teams and lots of events). YOu could not have paid me to get anywhere near there.
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D didn’t mention any activities at the Bach party she attended in Vegas—I suspect there’s enough going on no one needs to plan.
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My daughter had one shower hosted by her MIL for her MIL’s friends (D knew about 3 of them) in the town where the wedding was. I went (basically invited myself) and D and I did other things that weekend like order the cupcakes, she did a practice hair appt, we did a few things at the venue. It was not really a party for the bride as she knew no one and for some reason the MIL told people NOT to bring gifts! She did get a few, mostly crafty things, and a few gift cards. Really, it was weird.
A friend of mine wanted to have a luncheon for her but I said daughter wouldn’t be back in town before the wedding and the friend said we could do it anyway. D (and I) thought that was a little weird., so no.
Other daughter, who has been to LOTS of bachelorette parties and is very over them, got married so fast and didn’t want anything so no showers, no registry, no nothing. Two friends of hers took her to a spa day about a week before and that was it (and all she wanted). She received money as gifts or nothing. She didn’t expect anything from the invited guests as the tickets to get there were about $700/ea. I know his family that couldn’t attend (his grandparents, aunts) sent money. She was pretty excited to get cards, either at the wedding or sent to her home.
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You might be right. My hair stylist has shared that she has recently had two out of town destination bachelorette parties. The showers in both cases are being put on by the MOBand include mainly relatives and friends of the MOB.
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Sorry but that mil seems wacky!
It’s customary to invite the MOB or the MOG to any shower. That fact that you basically had to invite yourself is not good manners on her part.
Just like a baby shower, the moms of the mom and dad should be invited!
Moms always!
Just not at the bachelorette!
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Oh, the MIL is crazy. I asked her to get someone to clean up the event place after the wedding (I’d pay) , she said no she wanted to do it all, then yelled at me for not helping.
Some of her friends were really nice and I enjoyed them. But MIL is crazy.
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Without mentioning specific places, weddings (and all of the fixings) in the part of the country where I live now are much more over the top than where I spent the first part of my life and had my own wedding.
My older D had all of the parties - engagement (75 people in my house), shower (x2) bachelorette (to her credit, she had the bach at a friend’s family beach house on our coast so no one had to fly, and it was very laid back - no coordinated outfit requirements or expensive night clubbing). I am also aware of the practice of the MOB’s friends, or even parents of the bride’s friends, throwing the shower - although I’ve never heard of so many “hostesses”.
My younger D is much more chill and I am hoping when it is her turn, she will want a more toned down version of all of that. I can see an engagement dinner with family and one shower (both families live in our city, which makes coordinating easier), a smaller wedding. Sadly, the older layer of our family who all came to D’s wedding, has started to pass on - so the guest list from our side will not be as long as it was 
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D1 had no shower or maybe just a gathering of work friends. Her husband’s family hosted an engagement party. Her bachelorette was 2 days before the wedding so that her friends did not need to make multiple trips. It was more of a spa thing.
D2 had one shower hosted by the groom’s family. Her bachelorette was at a rental home in DC. Two women flew in; the others arrived by train or were local.
My brother in law lives in Nashville and he has many comments about the bachelorette parties arriving at the airport on Thursday nights.
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Neighbor’s D got married a couple of years ago. She had a 2 or 3 different bachelorette parties - different locations, to make it easier for friends from those locations to attend. She also had two showers I believe - one given by her mom and one by her mil. And yes, most of the group at the showers were friends of the mom/mil.
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