Perhaps something of note (to everyone) should be the personalities and temperament of the bridal couple. To the laid back or the introverts the whole idea of attention or lots of planning or lots of people (to an introvert lots of people may mean more than 2 - 
) for a shower or party or excursion may be totally not desirable. This should be respected by everyone - parents of the bridal couple included
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For S2 and DILâs wedding, no shower. No attendants. Civil ceremony (as is standard in much of Europe) was on a Tuesday â we had champagne in the parking lot of the marriage registry building, then went across the street to a local park and got gelato and drunken cherry liqueur. Went out for dinner in the evening. Wedding and party was on Thursday in the Carpathians, a five-hour trip from where they live. We traveled together in a 16-person minibus and knew each other pretty well by the time we arrived. It was fairly low key, intentionally so. Many people could not make it. Wartime makes it difficult.
There was discussion of a bachelorette trip, but one of the women had just had a successful IVF cycle and wasnât willing to risk travel, so DIL went out to see her several weeks after the wedding.
S2 had a bachelor weekend at a ranch the day after the wedding (!) â it had been scheduled for two weeks prior, but two of his friends had work commitments, so they rescheduled. Worked out fine; DIL and her friends went back on the bus with us to Lviv and so they spent the weekend together. (We dropped off the guys at a gas station halfway back, where they picked up a bus.)
S1 and former DIL had a civil ceremony when she arrived in-country (visa requirement) and then had a bigger celebration a year later. It was at a local arts center which reminds me a lot of the pics you posted, @deb922! No showers or bach parties for them. Both of them are very introverted. OTOH, we had sixteen people at our house all week, so we had a lot of fun. We catered the wedding ourselves and had to do all the set-up and take-down as well. Bless my nieces and nephews who helped us with the work â that wasnât part of the plan, but they jumped in and saved the day. (And as they have gotten married, they were smart and didnât DIY everything like we did.)
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DD had no shower, but some of my friends sent her âshowerâ gifts anyway.
She also didnât have a traditional bachelorette party. BUT the bridal party and some other friends came to a house we were able to use hear us about four days before the wedding (a revolving doorâŠfolks arrived when they could). They all stayed there until the night before the wedding. It was a very informal and relaxed time. The MOH did organize a dinner out, and one of those painting thingsâŠbut she kept in mind the costs.
We supplied all sorts of snack foods, breakfast foods, and beverages for the four days. And really anything else they needed. Itâs a lake community so they were able to spend time on the lake and on the nice patio.
So excited! Iâm going wedding dress shopping with my D and some of her friends today!
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Thatâs so fun! I loved getting to do that with my daughter.
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Oh have fun!!! FDiL had someone live stream so I could watch too, it can be stressful but informative 
We have 2 weeks to go, and my list of âremember to bringâ gets a bit longer with every text.
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Thank you so much, we had so much fun!
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2 weeks to go til the wedding? Good luck!
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We leave for wedding weekend stuff tomorrow! I am so excited to see my kids I canât hardly sleep. The weather will be suboptimal â really hot, really humid, might storm â but the couple is not invested in outside/inside and the venue has beautiful space for either so they donât have to decide until 1 hr before. My mother is not able to attend (she had a stroke last week and is in rehab; sheâs doing great, I just got back) so friends are arranging a video link for her.
The rehearsal and day after brunch are the same caterer; theyâll deliver the food and set it up for us but arenât serving. Gratutity is not included, so how much to tip the people that do the work? $25 each?
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I guess I would see how many workers there are an how much work they do.
So rehearsal and day after brunch are with a caterer who is not serving. I think you can gauge with the rehearsal (and find out if the same helpers are working for the day after brunch). Make sure no-one is missed.
The actual wedding day venue is all handled I guess.
The reception is being catered by a different firm, so yes, thatâs already taken care of.
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One thing to tell you from experience, making a last minute decision as to inside or outside is STRESSFUL. My tip is to discuss with the bride and groom the appointment of one person they trust to make the call if itâs not clear cut (e.g. looks fine now but 33 percent chance of a downpour in the next hour). The bride and groom wonât want to be having to deal with this.
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Wow, youâve had so much going on. I donât know whether to press the celebration emoji or the bandaged heart emoji. Iâm so glad for you that your mom is doing well and getting the care she needs, so you can free your mind and fully immerse yourself in the joy of your child getting married. Wishing you a happy, memory filled weekend.
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I just googled how much to tip a catering delivery, and it said 10 - 15% of the bill if they arenât serving, and 20% if they are. Before looking it up my thought was 10%.
I think catering employees are/may be paid a regular wage, not a waiterâs wage assuming there will be tips. Here in Denver, that would be about $20/hr (minimum wage) v. $15.79 for a tipped employee. The per plate charge may include an amount to compensate the delivery people, or there might be a delivery charge. At my daughterâs wedding, some of the items had a delivery fee (the cake did, flowers did; the food was provided by a friend, so it did not).
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DD1/SIL just had their 8th wedding anniversary - July 2017 wedding. I have spoken a bit on this thread about the Jazz Band that was a âsplurgeâ in their budget (but was still a very reasonable cost). DD2/MOH sat in on the last number - she had been in two jazz bands (along with the lead tenor sax next to her) and studied the number briefly/warmed up briefly before sitting in (it was a number they played together on performances, including a tour in China - invited by the Cultural Ambassador). Our niece did this clip (her daughter was a flower girl and was in this dance with the bride). The space was also included a bit in the video.
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Thinking of @greenbutton this weekend. I hope itâs a joy filled time for the family.
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We are wed! Now I have 2 DILs!!
The good:
The weather held off, so no rain during the ceremony, just after. The brideâs dress was gorgeous and the reception was fun. The children in attendance led a conga line which is goofy but in the moment, they were so blissfully happy and everyone joined in and it really made a moment.
The rehearsal dinner was nice and low key, as we wanted. I gave my little speech and it went well. The flowers arrived and were beautiful; the weather was miserably hot but everyone coped. (Except the groomsmaid whose antibiotics and dinner interacted and my son found her throwing up into a garbage can )
They did a ringwarming and it seems hokey until you do it. Their vows were funny and tearjerky if not a bit overlong. The bridesmaids looked like Instagram, so perfect. I didnât step on my dress and we didnât fall down dancing. When the rain stopped there was a rainbow and stampede to take pictures of the B/G under it!!
The bad: (EDIT: okay, âless goodâ)
The venue wedding person was a pita. Reminded me of a flight attendant with a preprogrammed speech. Who the bleep cares about their hand placement? Why are you warning us to stay on schedule the rain is coming when B/G are waaaay anxious already because..
The photographer sucked. People, get a pro. Get references. Ask how they do with time management. I know DIL is going to be crushed when she sees how poorly some of these photos are done â no attempt to pose or stage or think, just âcousins, your turnâ and they line up, "1 2 3 " and theyâre done. Ran almost 45 minutes behind. I donât like being in photos and he calls âHey mom, you got a better smile than that one?â and I heard my entire family hold their breath ( DiL2 says later âI thought this man was about to dieâ)
The groom â despite lots of his friendsâ care and attention, my son did not eat anything until he was about to faint upstairs due to heat and an empty stomach. Since the venue person had removed everyone but the brideâs family and best men from that area, it was up to the MOB to deal; when he came down to us pale and wobbly I just asked for a bottle of water and he meekly drank it all. Not this mommaâs first rodeo.
The brunch â it technically was fine. Enough food, good weather, good attendance. But every sort of minor detail turned into a problem (trash bags? canât find them. Take out containers? Forgotten. Children? Not a great idea). It was too long, too many people, too much to do too close to everyone leaving.
The ugly:
Bride and I had what I thought, going in, was a chat about schedule for the rest of the departure day as brunch and packing and sorting and re sorting are going on. It devolved quickly into distraught bride, bewildered MIL, frantic husbands, and me/son/bride wailing behind a shut door. So much ugly crying. And we are still not quite okay â the brunch (as I had warned, actually) was just too much. Too many people. Too much to do. Too tired to think.
DIL2 is wonderful but her biggest weak link is control freak plus decision paralysis. She wonât let anyone mail her bouquet but her. Which means we will not all be at Point B after all. But thatâs, to her, catastrophic. So (says I) well, one of these isnât going to happen, then. She is unable to give up control, she is unable to give up Point B. When she is stressed, it gets worse, and we enter this repeating pattern where she canât compromise and wonât delegate and THEN we find out that there is a third moving part, some surprise or detail they wouldnât reveal in a misguided attempt to either surprise us or spare us doing something. Meanwhile, I have lost my patience and canât hear anymore because of the chaos around us.
We made it through. My single bit of advice is often repeated here â DONâT OVERSCHEDULE THINGS. The brunch as one hour at a coffee bar would have worked. 3 as an open house with catering and 50 people coming and going was disastrous. But she wanted what she wanted, and I wanted her to have it.
The precious and funny :
We livestreamed to my mom, but they forgot to tell her and her friend that we would hear them over the speakers! I had to make a panicked run for the sound guy or we would have had continuous commentary, but everyone giggled. And then during the cocktail hour my nephew walked around with the livestream open again and everyone said hi to her. They put on their wedding clothes the next day and visited her.
We got to walk our son down the aisle â we are Christian, and that isnât what we tend to do so that was awesome. And when our other son, the Best Man , came down the aisle he stopped and gave us a smooch. The toasts were amazing â BM1 talked about when Groom met Bride, BM2 mentioned advice his brother had given him but âI beat you to the altar so shut up and listen to me for once in your lifeâ. Brought down the house. Which was up for marathon dancing.
It isnât what you do, itâs who you do it with. We saw lots of old friends and made some new ones, that was the best part. And my inlaws? Oh, they made it in time, did okay driving. They stayed through the cocktail hour and then left with my BiL and DHâs aunt/uncle to go hang out at their hotel. They had been invited to the rehearsal, wedding day lunch, reception and brunch, and they bailed on all of them. Their loss.
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Thank you for the detailed post game analysis! Besides helping those of us who are still in the planning stage, we all get so invested in each otherâs events, so itâs gratifying to hear how it went. Iâm sorry the brunch ended up being so stressful, but congratulations on the most important things going well.
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Hopefully the memories that last the longest and come to mind first are the pleasant happy ones! Lol about your mom and the audio but how great she got to âparticipate â
Best wishes to the happy couple!
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