MIL and FIL were 88 at the time of DD1’s wedding, and DH and his brother had to facilitate a lot with them, while I had to host them at DH and my home before and after the wedding (wedding location was 100 miles away, so 2 nights’ stay in really nice hotel). They were in worse shape at our nephew’s wedding the following year. I preserved myself by keeping distant as much as I could at the second wedding - I had to give up things at DD1’s wedding because of them. Both weddings were OOS for them and BIL got them there, so he was the real trooper in all of this. DH and BIL are the ones that could be counted on out of the four sons.
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That sounds like a good plan! My in laws are just not interested in their only grandchildren or oldest son, never have been. It’s painful at times, but we weren’t surprised. It’s also possible that they have something going on that we know nothing about, or FIL is mad at DH for some imaginary slight. MIL is confused and disoriented 40% of the time, so I can’t judge her choices (she told the bride’s aunt that her earrings were valuable family heirlooms – they most definitely are not, for many reasons)
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Oh that’s a shame that you had to miss out on something’s for your D’s wedding because of elderly in-laws!
My parents are elderly now too and need a lot of help. Us siblings all have an agreement that each of us need our special time with our own families, and that during that special time that person has no responsibility for our parents and the other siblings will step up. So far it’s worked out well. For example, my nephew is getting married this weekend OOS and I’m in charge of them this weekend. My other sister did all of the advance work (hotel reservations and helped them pick out their clothes and ensure they’ve been dry-cleaned, and is helping them pack). That sister has also been doing a little more this summer than I have, that’s why I’m on this weekend. My other sister (MOG) has no responsibilities for our parents for the weekend at all.
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For my son’s wedding (in San Francisco, we live in Southern California) I put my sister in charge of my mom (she was 85 at the time) and my in-laws (92) decided not to attend which was smart.
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People don’t often often talk about photography, but it’s what you have after the wedding.
Do a walk through with your photographer and videographer before the wedding. Tell them who you want in the pictures and where. My sister had 50 pictures of someone whom she didn’t know and she didn’t get any pictures of herself and her husband.
Have a schedule of when and where you want key people to be to take pictures. It’s a you snooze you miss. For both of my daughters, everyone whom they wanted in a group picture were told where and when they had to be. Photographers were told who they needed to take pictures of before they could exercise their artistic inclinations.
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Our B/G did have a list, they had a meeting but not at the venue since they live 400 miles away. I agree with all the suggestions but would absolutely ask about time management. How do they prioritize? Who sets up the equipment? What is the plan B for difficult lighting? What do they do to expedite posing and where are the samples of their work? Can they give an example of how they would place large groups?
Our first wedding, bride wanted a massive group shot and it was accomplished in maybe 3 minutes of carefult place and pose run like the military. It’s beautiful, This time, these (not the same) photographers just said everybody pile in, and they took the photo without even telling us they had done it.
My daughter had her co workers pick her photographer. Well the ones in marketing who are tasked with visual content. They looked at 6 of her choices and all agreed one was superior. He was amazing and got every shot they wanted.
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We scoped out where large group pictures would be taken the days before the wedding with the photographers and videographers. It was the day before walk through. D2 wanted to skip it, but I did insist on it because of D1’s experience. The photographers and videographers were at the rehearsals so they knew where to set up their equipment.
Guests were sent with time where they needed to be to get group pictures - high school friends, college friends, sorority sisters, fraternity brothers, cousins, grandparents, etc. The wedding planner had the schedule and was responsible to get everyone together. The pictures were done in less than an hour while people were having cocktails
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When my mom went to my nephew’s wedding, my younger sister and her H brought her and we all took care of her needs. It worked fine and the parents of the wedding party didn’t have to worry at all. Mom was in her 90s and pretty frail but had a wonderful time! It’s unfair to burden the wedding party’s family with looking out for elderly relatives who need a lot of assistance.
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My nephew’s wedding was today. I feel like the old AlkaSelzer commercials; I definitely over-indulged. The reception was at a restaurant and the food and wine was unbelievably delicious. It definitely ranked among one of the tastiest meals I’ve had. Who would ever think anyone would say that about a wedding meal? I’m used to catering hall chicken,lol.
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There is event space here run by the restaurant group Lettuce Entertain You. You can order food from many of their various restaurants. The wedding I was at had amazing food. The most common place I’ve been for weddings…hotels tend to have mediocre food. The country clubs where I have been to serveral are known for outstanding food.
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That sounds delicious! What a great idea.
I have eaten at several of their restaurants ( most recently last month) and the food is very good. This is a great idea.
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@greenbutton, congratulations! Hopefully, over time, the positive memories will become even more prominent and those less pleasant will fade…although it’s kind of fun when there’s one (in retrospect) thing that didn’t go quite right that becomes family lore.
My brother fainted during my ceremony 37 years ago and two guests that were physicians “argued” over the best recourse. It’s is a memory that is told over and over. My brother came to seconds later and he was fine – only reason it is a comical story that can be told now.
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D2’s wedding is less than 7 weeks away. It’s getting very real and I feel there’s still a bit to do…a very fun time! My mother declined a few weeks ago (86 and felt she couldn’t make the trip) and, even though the RSVP deadline has passed, 94 yo FIL is waiting to hear about a possible valve replacement and isn’t sure and my 89 yo aunt (mother’s sister) is on the fence as she’s concerned about being far from a hospital due to recent cardiac issues. Giving them leeway on the rsvp date, of course! It would be a gift if any are able to make it.
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Several of my sibs had some unique moments in their weddings. My older sister had us go to one of dad’s friend’s estate for photos just before wedding. It was muddy and boggy and one of my younger sisters fell and had to clean mud off her bridesmaid gown.
At my wedding, we were taking photos when suddenly I remembered I didn’t have my veil as the wedding shop that had my gown and veil only gave me my gown. My brother raced down there and made them find my veil before my ceremony started.
Another niece had a flower girl who had a bloody nose after the wedding while awaiting the reception, all over her white flower girl gown. Fortunately my BIL was able to get all the spots out of the gown before photos and reception and no one was the wiser.
Many much crazier wedding stories I can share if anyone is interested. One involved the police at 2am! If one stays flexible and cheerful, it all works out!
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How can no one have asked yet?! 
. So what happened with the police and 2am?
The worst wedding tale I heard was from a guy I know who was the local town judge. He told me he married the couple at 5pm and by 10pm he arraigned the same couple and some of their family members for getting into a big family brawl at the reception. I can’t see that marriage lasting long.
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Well, my younger sister had a wedding and the bridesmaids all had purses and some had those huge cell phones (could double as large doorstop). The wedding party was all dancing and then one of the groomsmen saw someone sneaking along the head table and snatching up the purses and cell phones. He gave a shout and gave chase and the thief ran and jumped off the 3rd floor balcony (where banquet room was). Ambulance and police were called. The wedding party was still being interviewed by cops at 2am! The cell phones were never found!
Those of us with young kids (like me and my folks and several sibs had departed long before and missed all the excitement). The thief had the nerve to file a lawsuit against the groomsman (fortunately quickly dismissed).
The couple is still married!
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Other crazy escapades—two sets of groomsmen from two different weddings wanted to share honeymoon room with wedding couple. 
Fortunately the brides firmly nixed this.
One couple had friends decorate the car but got a bit too enthusiastic as there was a fire when the car was started up and had to be promptly extinguished! 
At another wedding where I was matron of honor, the bride’s father & his friends were all seated at one table in front of the head table. When the music started, it was my job to ask that table if they could all find other seats so the dance floor 
could be used, right under their table. They all just stayed to watch 1st dance & all left. 
Awkward!
The couples are all still married.
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Kiplinger Sept 2025 issue has 2 pages on “How to Manage the Cost of Your Child’s Wedding”.
It says “ideally, both sets of parents will be involved.” A wedding planning website Zola.com says nearly 2/3rds of engaged couples this year are getting financial support from both families, compared with just 30% for whom the bride’s family is solely responsible. The Knot found, on average, families are roughly splitting the bill, with parents covering 51% of the wedding costs. The couple getting married is picking up the rest.
The article says “set your own budget first” (meaning parents of the couple)
They also broke out four groups of # of guests and average wedding costs (50 - 75, 75-100, 100 - 150, and 150 - 200), $21,500, $27,361, $33,957, $45,693).
Article stated the average cost of a wedding now at $36,000.
IMHO the bride often has her ideas of what she wants - and prioritizing where she wants to spend the money. DD1/SIL did almost all of the arrangements themselves in their city. SIL’s parents had negotiated well for his brother’s wedding hotel contract, and they did so with this wedding - we got all valet parking and parking included (important with this hotel as it is all valet parking and facility parking, saving us all money as we came and went to rehearsal dinner and wedding/reception in addition to initial parking and return). Hotel rate was reasonable (it is a historic hotel, and lots of business travelers during the work week; 3 wedding parties were at the hotel our weekend but we had more out-of-town two night stays and had the most hotel rooms) and included a huge buffet breakfast that was available for hours every morning - thus no need for wedding brunch the day after - we could say our goodbyes over breakfast times. My sister and BIL had an early flight and early breakfast, so I could catch up with them over their breakfast. I could talk to people over breakfast that I didn’t have a chance to talk to anywhere else.
For wedding ‘stories’, a neighbor got so drunk at his guy party, that when they threw him in the truck bed, his forearm got in the way and he broke it - this was days before the wedding.
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