I have learned from this thread that even in the same country 
, we the people, do things in a lot of ways. Traditions, cultures, family requirements, budgets, etc. I don’t always agree to what is posted in this thread or couldn’t imagine making those same choices, but I recognize “not for me, but ok!”
Above all for me would be that the couple marrying would not have any big issues with decisions made. (But even then, some cultures, that is NOT what a wedding is about)
In a small town/community, that is the way it culturally is - and it depends on the bride and the groom on what they can and can’t live with for their own wedding choices. Some families have family businesses.
My legitimate gripe was that DH and I had to wait over a year extra because my parents’ 25th wedding anniversary was more important. DH and I could have had a very small wedding at the time we wanted (which was fine for us). The wedding that ‘fit the bill’ for both sets of parents and for us was a nice affair and was the right thing.
One does have to look at many perspectives for the bride and groom to make their decisions.
Some parents do have to say less, be willing to negotiate - especially if they are funding much of the wedding costs. One does look to everyone to ‘do the right thing’.
If wedding negotiations are difficult, and the couple are going to live geographically close to either set of parents, this is perhaps a foreshadowing of things to come.
We had to ‘outlaw’ any discussion on the phone by MIL on “when am I going to see grandchildren” - and she was shocked at our announcement at my parents’ 40th wedding anniversary celebration that we were expecting (our DD was born just before our 15th wedding anniversary). MIL had 3 grandchildren by the time we had our DDs; our DDs are the youngest grandchildren on both sides of the family.
We are in planning mode ( one already married) and both H and I are really good at not saying much unless asked. Both sets of in laws, too. Are there things I would have done differently for my first that married, sure! But they were happy and quite frankly I have other things to worry about in life.
I would not characterize someone else’s choices as selfish because they are different than mine, especially when I do not know them or their situation.
I was married in 1990 and my mom really didn’t ask to help with anything. H and I were married in the town that we still live in. We had already bought our house and were living together for 4 years (2 on the east coast) before we married. H and I did all of the planning for our wedding. When D1 got married 2 years ago our SIL and D1 asked H and I along to see the venue (his parents live on the east coast). We helped out with whatever they asked us to and did not offer opinions unless asked.
Speaking as someone who has nearly spontaneously combusted in my fair share of outdoor southern weddings, bless you!
I have mandated that my younger daughter’s wedding be indoors if she chooses a date from May-September.
Luckily, it was easy, as the venue was on my way home from work! I may have been a bit obsessive about the sun, but if they wanted an outside ceremony, I wasn’t going to have everyone melt! Luckily, the sun was to go behind the house by the time people were to sit, so while it wasn’t cool, at least people were not sitting in the direct sun. We provided fans and bottled water, and the temperature wasn’t bad, so it all worked out. We did have the option to move the ceremony inside if weather wasn’t ideal, we just had to make the call by 10:00am.
My one absolute requirement for DD2s wedding is that it must be inside. My mental health could not withstand a week of looking anxiously at the weather apps or a morning spent deciding if the rain would hold off and we should forgo an indoor option. It’s sooooooo stressful to be making those decisions on the day of the wedding. Absolutely not an option I permitted this time having endured it once.
My family just had a get-together this weekend, which spurred one of them to make reservations at this time-share Airbnb place that I told everyone 3 months ago to RUN and reserve since the price was unbelievably great and a big event was scheduled in town for that weekend so they’d be snapped up quickly. Well, no surprise, all units are now gone and no one in my family booked a unit. What a missed opportunity!
There are people that just are lazy about stuff, and they have to pay a big price - inconvenience, staying at a lesser place, paying a lot more money, etc.
OMG my brother and sister in law must be pretty stressed. Their daughter’s wedding is in a month and the invitations have not arrived to invitees. I know there were some “issues” but I don’t know what the issues were.
A month away! Oh my! Good thing you had a heads up when the date was
That is cutting it short! Yikes!
I think that now people err on the side of caution when sending out invitations because so many have to travel
On the flip side, we received a save the date for a wedding next June!!
FDIL1’s sister had her invitations all messed up too. We didn’t get ours until months after the wedding. They were mailed out 3-4 months prior. I didn’t even know we were invited until they asked if we had gotten them. At least half of the recipients did not.
When it came it was in a black envelope, maybe with gold or silver writing. I wonder if that had anything to do with it - the automatic readers I believe sometimes have trouble with colored envelopes. I know one year I sent out Xmas cards in a deep red envelope and many of those didn’t make it either. Never had an issue with white ones.
My friend sent me a save the date a few weeks ago. She contacted me for my address and my daughter’s address. Daughter got hers (lives in TX) but I never got mine (live about 5 miles away).
Oh that’s hard to know how to be supportive! Hope it’s just a technical issue that everyone can laugh about a few years from now.
2 weeks to go! Think everything is progressing ok. I’m working on the fun newspaper thing to go in the welcome bags. I made a little map of all the places people are coming from. 25 states (including DC) and 1 European country. I thought that was a lot for 150 people. I think for mine there were probably fewer than 5 lol.
Remember to “be present”, watch the couple, watch people to store all those wonderful emotions and memories! And then tell us all about it afterwards.
One of my favorite things to do is to take JUST A MOMENT to scan the guests faces at certain times - you will get so much joy from that joy.
I remember my daughter did this during her wedding - she said she would and I noted her doing it a couple of times. Just taking it all in!
Another excellent suggestion I got here and used — put a list in your pocket; names of five people you want to specifically speak with for more than a minute at the reception. Use it as a reminder to slow down and take the opportunity to be present, bc otherwise it all goes by in a giant blur.
Also, when we are wedding guests we take photos of details – the food, close up of decor, lots of people at tables, and one of the whole venue, eapecially if it is lit up at night. And DH usually absents himself during first dance and finds a vantage point to take a photo of people watching, ditto toasts. The professionals can’t be everywhere. The most treasured photo I have is me and my Dad at S2’s wedding, sitting in a corner talking. Taken by a friend with a cellphone.
When I married, a friend my family took great photos. It was 1985, when you had to develop/print each roll of film. Soon after the wedding he maile us THREE copies of every photo, which was really a nice surprise.
I just went to a wedding this past weekend and was reminded of the importance of streamlining the dining process, so guests are not waiting an inordinate amount of time to eat.
We were at numbered tables and ours was the very last to called up to get our food - it ended up being almost an hour after they first started calling up tables and we were still eating when everyone got up to go the cake cutting, which was in a different area. The DJ attempted to be fair by mixing up the order of the table numbers that were called (after, of course, the wedding party and their families were called) but the lady running the venue would not have it - she was calling the tables in numerical order, full stop.
I admit to not being a fan of buffets at weddings for this reason. I prefer everyone to be served their meals at the same time, and I fought my husband on this for our wedding, as he wanted a buffet. My oldest had a buffet but made sure that both sides were open with the same food options, so it moved quickly.
On a separate note, I also like the idea of asking people to put away their phones, at least for the ceremony, so they can be in the moment. A bride at a wedding we went to last year made this request. For B & G’s who embrace the phones, there’s an app where they can create a QR code that guests can upload phone pics that they take instantly to an account that the B & G can access.