Our philosophy was for OUR wedding, we wanted both sets of parents happy so let them choose how many people to invite and whom to invite (we only quietly threw away invitations my in laws wanted to send to China because we didn’t want that can of worms) Whomever invited paid for the meals for their guests & we paid for everything else. For our kids, we wanted our S and his financee to have the wedding THEY wanted and invite the people THEY wanted, so let them be in charge of all of that & the venue. We gave them lists of people we REALLY wanted, some people we’d LIKE to add and some that it would be nice if there was space. It worked out. We have no regrets, nor did my inlaws, parents nor kids. We were able to have the people we REALLY wanted and the bride and groom got the folks they REALLY wanted (some flew in from international destinations to attend).
I’m pretty sure D’s MIL would have invited her entire large church … and in their culture, no RSVP is required (there’s a local country club that specializes in doing wedding receptions for this group). SIL didn’t want that, so he worked with his mom to whittle her guest list down to a manageable number (and he made sure she knew who would actually attend). I am sure she rolled her eyes as she told her friends that her “American son” insisted he do it his way - but she was okay with it, so clearly SIL handled it well.
I know times have changed and definitely costs have skyrocketed
But for my generation I feel that we thought about what our parents wanted and for our children they are the ones making the decisions.
Somehow there was a shift and the people who didn’t get to be in the driver’s seat are us.
I feel this way about holidays also. My husband and I, we did what our parents wanted as far as holidays and our parents expected us to travel to them (his parents more than mine)
Now my children expect us to travel to them. I just feel like things skipped our generation. We have been the ones who have been expected to be flexible.
You don’t have to feel that way and you can have your experiences and opinions. But these are mine.
When I got married in 1980s in NY, a friend from a small town in midwest was shocked at the formality of wedding receptions (which actually were nothing compared to some of today’s grand celebrations). She was used to cookies/punch in the church reception hall. I assume that is still done for some couples, and in ways I do find the idea of a low key celebration appealing.
I remember going to a wedding in the South around 1970. Punch and cookies at church reception but many pocket flasks easy to see. And a fabulous rehearsal dinner.
LOL, H and I grew up in small towns in the Midwest and NO ONE where we were from had a cake and punch reception! It was a dinner buffet, live band, open bar -nothing less.
My friends from law school had pretty casual dessert & punch backyard receptions. One had catered dinner at church hall & he considered it quite fancy. We got married 4 years later and only 1 person of our group came to my wedding (my old boyfriend). Ours was 7 course chinese dinner at a hotel banquet hall in HI. We had all 4 ballrooms—they opened the dividers so we could seat everyone and have a dance floor.
I don’t know why and I’m not making fun of it but I’m all for the cake but what is it with punch?! lol all I can picture is the punch at a kids bday party!
Cake and coffee
Cake and champagne
Now we’re talking… 
I have to say that I was fine with the wedding DH and I had in 1979, but DH and I were not in the driver’s seat on a lot of it. We were fine with that. Our friends that still lived within the 100 miles (the city where we went to college) were invited and came. My dad owned a successful local business in a small town, and my parents had a big circle of friends - they wanted to put on a wedding party. DH has an extensive list of pretty immediate family that all live within 100 miles of my hometown. Thankfully we did not need an exact head count for the buffet dinner reception (which included an open bar for a period before the dinner, a big hit with the relatives and friends) - we ‘guessed’ on the number on the groom’s side to come, and did follow up with some on DH’s side of the family; the short list of close friends of his parents deemed this wedding “the wedding event” - I got a panicked phone call from MOG because she forgot one of the ladies from her bridge club (and I got the wedding invite out to her pronto) as it came up during their bridge time as soon as invites were received.
We found out just a few years ago, that an adult cousin (in his 20’s) who was living at his parents’ home was not informed of the 1979 wedding invitation (he would have come, and RSVP’d) - the parents neither showed their adult children the invitation, did not RSVP, did not come, no card or wedding gift. They show up for family reunions, so no bad blood - but probably other things going on with them, IDK. One aunt/uncle/4 children and their future SIL showed up at the dinner reception - right at dinner time (never RSVP’d) - they stated the purpose for coming was seeing how it all went (on the planning of their upcoming daughter’s wedding) - they had skipped the wedding/Catholic Church ceremony (and they are practicing Catholics). Their ‘gift’ was a card and $20. Yes, those kinds of manners.
Agree with @deb922 too about “My husband and I, we did what our parents wanted as far as holidays and our parents expected us to travel to them (his parents more than mine)” - we lived many states away but were pressured to come for holidays and other things - using up all our work time off or almost all of it - and also the travel costs when we were new homeowner/just starting off/tight budget. Once our parents were retired, they still expected us to continue to travel to them, but they were healthy enough to travel, and we told them more travel is expected of them. We had our first child 15 years after our wedding, and they were all retired by then - both sets of parents actually came to us Thanksgiving 1993 (DD was born Feb 1994). That was a real surprise based on the prior 15 years.
We do not expect our children to come to us, and they have the freedom to vacation/travel where they want. They know they can spend their time how they want.
When SIL was in Army Reserves and gone one weekend a month, I would go and help DD and spend time with DD/children (help her catch up with household chores too). When DD had the first baby, DD was scheduled some weekends (working as a nurse) while her husband was gone, and I was more than happy to be with them. She was in management M - F after baby #2. They moved out of state 3 weeks after baby #4 was born, and baby #5 is a year old this month. DD has continually worked FT, so was happy for the extra help.
DD/SIL have needed me to care for their two children (at the time almost 2 and almost 1) when COVID shut down their daycare for 6 weeks (we learned week by week about that status) - at the time I was working PRN and only had to work one scheduled day in 29 calendar days, so I would arrive Sunday mid-day and leave Friday after DD got home from work (neither had any available time off, and DD could not take off in her health care job).
When DD/SIL lived 100 miles from us, we made it clear we were not going to be their ‘hotel’ for coming up to socialize with their friends or other events and not to be with us. They had their first child in their first year of marriage (May baby, July first anniversary) - and it was easier for us to do things at their house rather than have me totally accommodate them (and baby proof) at DH/my home (we both were working demanding jobs at that time). DD/SIL eventually did understand that expectations/boundaries go both ways. Two of DD’s friends in our city have guest rooms (and their own children - so their homes are baby-proof) - and they have stayed with them a few times when they wanted to be with them/socialize with them. Otherwise, they have driven up - and we have done things with them - and they drove home later the same day.
Our son in-laws parents told him that he and our daughter were free to make all the decisions about their wedding ceremony( private…intimate…or having everyone who would attend the reception…the officiant etc) but that they viewed the reception as the parents party they were giving in honor of their children. My son in law had no issue with this and my daughter didn’t much care because she was getting the party she had dreamed of.
Champagne and cake was my wedding. My dad joked that he had a bottle of champagne for every person present and it was all gone! My grandmother took offense because she didn’t drink but that just made it more fun in family lore.
I just told my mom I was getting married and the date (between semesters/exams etc) and left everything up to her. I was in college and gave her a date in June. I honestly to this day can’t believe she just took the lead. I look back in disbelief at how great she was!
It’s so you can use your (or the church’s) punch bowl. I had one identical to this that had belonged to my mother. I eventually got rid of it. But, I did use it for many a gathering back when people entertained with punch bowls!
I have a great recipe for the punch that goes in that! Need an ice ring to make it complete!
I got a punchbowl via my buynothing group. I used it for sangria that I made for a Chinese New Year party for my inglés-español group.
I use the punchbowl that we got for our wedding to water my plants! Pour water in, add plant, let it soak up til empty. Don’t think we ever had punch! 
We got a punchbowl with eight cups as a wedding present and have used it several times over the years for egg nog.
My D & SIL invited 200 people. We each got 50 invites to use as we wished (D got 50, SIL got 50, DH & I got 50 and in-laws got 50). They divided obligatory family member invites so each of us had some included in our 50. D & SIL didn’t care how we used our 50 invites, we just had to get a list with addresses to her by a certain date.
When DH & I got married, we had a lot of arguments with his parents over the guest list. Like a poster mentioned above, they also owned a popular business in their city and wanted to invite a number of business associates who DH and I didn’t know as well as neighbors, tennis/golf partners, etc. We went back and forth on it for a while, whittled down their list and came to an agreement that they would pay the per-plate charges for the extra invites. I still wasn’t thrilled about having anyone there who DH & I didn’t know, but to keep the peace, I agreed. It was fine - we had a great day.
When my H and I got married, we basically wanted to invite anyone and everyone, and had a unique outdoor wedding set up that pretty much allowed us to do that. In order to keep the reception in budget, we only served appetizers and dessert - but the wedding started at 6:30pm so it was a food choice that made sense. In retrospect, I sort of wish we had thought more about the fact that guests coming from out of town were going to have to find their own dinner ahead of the wedding start time…but I guess we just never thought of that at the time! It makes me feel like we weren’t very good “hosts” – but we had a lot of local guests, and a smaller fraction were from out of town. Neither of our parents had many friends they wanted to invite, so most of the out of town guests were family members (we got married in our “college town” where DH and I were still living and he was in grad school – so most of our guests were friends and members of our church).
D22 and her fiance wanted to limit the number of people at the wedding that neither of them know well or are close to. That meant there are some fairly extended family members I probably would have invited (though who knows if they would have even come) but my D asked me if she could not invite because she doesn’t really know them. Ditto for some friends of ours that we have met since she left for college. I made the argument for a couple of people that she knows just a bit, whom we have become closer to since she left for college, and she respected that and added them to the list.
While we are helping pay for the wedding, I totally get them wanting it to be the celebration of their marriage with the people they find to be important in their lives. We had a very non traditional wedding in many ways, and neither of our parents said anything about it, so we are happy to let them lead in having the style of wedding they want, with the people they want to celebrate with.
I’m so glad it worked out for your D & SIL, and that they had such a great attitude. But personally, I think it’s incredibly selfish for a parent to co-opt their child’s wedding reception for their own business or friend building purposes.
I have always joked that I didn’t have a wedding, my mother did! I was married young, at 23, and truly didn’t care about what the wedding was like. Mom was a society wanna be, so the wedding, while not over the top, was way more than I wanted.
If you were to ask me now what we ate, how the tables were decorated, or any detail, I couldn’t tell you. The only decision I put my foot down on, was the invitation. Yes, they were still ecru with raised lettering (can’t think of what that is called at the moment), but I insisted that the invitation be horizontal, and brown, not black ink. You would have thought I had told my mother I was getting married in the nude, but I would not back down!
When my daughter was married, I held my opinions to myself; I wanted this to be her wedding, not mine. The only thing I voiced an opinion on, and they agreed, was the start time, and one dish being served. She was getting married outside, in the south, Labor Day weekend. I checked the sun the year before to see where it would be, and the entire ceremony would be in full sun. We shifted the ceremony to 30 minutes later, which worked out. The kids wanted BBQ, but while my family does not keep kosher, and most eat pork (the bride does not,) I just could not serve pork at a Jewish wedding. We switched to BBQ beef instead of pork, although my SIL still says he wishes he had pork!