I did the rehearsal dinner at a Chicago pizza place. All family style, over 100 people. As guests left, the were offered slice of pizza in a box. On walk back to hotel, we gave to homeless.
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How many weeks out is the norm for having to RSVP to a wedding? I just received an invitation that required 8 weeks notice. I think the bride is going to end up with a high cancellation rate. Everyone I know is saying yes because they intend to be there and are making it a priority, but at least in my family we simply don’t know due to things totally beyond our control.
Might be venue dependent. Our venue wanted at least 6 weeks so they could have the table seating chart and lay out done. So that’s what we did. We were allowed some changes after that date.
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I’m not sure what the norm is, but my daughter and fiance did 8 weeks out - partly for personal logistical reasons. They wanted more time to follow up with guests who didn’t RSVP, and with her graduating and starting a new job in the six weeks before the wedding, it’s going to be a very busy season. With it being a summer wedding, they figured that people either could block the time out, or would generally know they would be on vacation or have other commitments.
I think if some individuals can’t decide until closer to the wedding for specific reasons (work, etc), they will gladly adjust numbers up until a couple weeks ahead.
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I don’t think 8 weeks is unreasonable. And there are always things that come up which are totally not expected/ not under a guests control. Thats when you contact the couple or their parents immediately and let them know.
D’s wedding had both a few last minute cancellations and a few people whose plans changed and were able to attend.
Coincidentally the final number of attendees (135 including bridal couple and wedding party) was exactly the same as the number we gave the venue several weeks out.
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Oh, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask 8 weeks out. I just thought it would be harder to estimate how many guests would really attend. When you’re that many weeks out, I think you have that many more people with things going on in their lives that are just too uncertain. I think I read that typically 3 to 5% of people who RSVP end up not being able to attend. I’d think that number would go up the further the RSVP date is from the wedding.
We didn’t even RECEIVE our most recent invite until less than 4 weeks from the wedding, but I’m pretty sure that was due to some kind of “operator error.” I think you’re supposed to receive the invite about 5-6 weeks ahead of the wedding, and then respond within a couple of weeks.
I’m invited to a baby shower and received the invitation about 8 weeks out! I thought that was a lot of time, but it is a fairly big group invited (about 60!) and they got about 30 immediate RSVPs and I’m sure the rest will trickle in. And then some will cancel.
I do think it gives people a heads up for their calendars and it’s not a big deal if they have to cancel. For weddings, some may cancel (or get sick) and others may RSVP for 2 but have to come solo. My friend’s son is getting married in Oct and they already have a running count going, but several of friend’s guest (the MOG, not the couple) are ‘hopefuls’ but can’t confirm until much closer to the date because of health issues. In those cases it is likely one of the couple will attend but the medically fragile person will have to cancel even if they RSVP yes. Very likely they will pay for meals for several no shows but they know that going in.
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I think the RSVP 8 weeks ahead is pretty normal and fine. What also needs to happen is that the venue or the couple or whoever needs to expect that there will be some minor changes between 8 weeks and say, 1-2 weeks. People are making the best decisions they can ahead of time but no one has a crystal ball for life.
Now if people get a better offer than the wedding they rsvp’d for I think THAT is sort of crappy.
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I’m not sure I understand the issue. So many couples now send “Save the Date” cards six months before the wedding. Guests then have plenty of notice to make plans, reserve transportation and lodging, and decide if they are going to go to the wedding.
We only had two last minute changes at our DDs wedding. One couple couldn’t come because the wife was hospitalized (and at the very last minute, we invited another couple who were happy to come). And one person who was sick the day of the wedding. No other changes.
Our RSVPs were needed six weeks before the wedding.
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I was going to make similar points. If “Save the Date” awareness has been made, invitees have already had a lot of time to ponder / plan the event. (That’s ever so helpful, especially if travel involved.) And most likely the couple already has heard back tentative answers from invitees. Thus old rules of thumb regarding timeframe to receive invitations and do RSVP may or may not be used.
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I agree that Save the Date notices are incredibly helpful and let people start planning their calendars around the big date where possible. I honestly wasn’t complaining about 8 weeks out, but rather observing that the longer time frame might generate more inaccurate responses. Maybe it’s the time of the year, and the age of the attendees. Our family has a crop of kids who will be starting new jobs and a bunch are waiting to hear when their start date is and whether they are allowed off that weekend. On the other end of the spectrum we’re waiting to hear about when an operation can be scheduled, and how a couple of older people are doing. I would think other families would have similar issues.
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We handled our issues by RSVPing yes with an asterisk and an explanation about our issues. I feel bad about it, because it doesn’t give them a real number count that they are looking for.
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That is still helpful info… let’s them know Maybe (and with a bunch of Maybe they may choose a lower Yes number). Then closer in you could circle back for better answer.
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Curious about others’ timelines re: receiving wedding gifts. We (because they’re being shipped to our house until the couple gets a house) received a ton a few months ago after the invites were sent out. Then there was a lull, and in the last week or two before the wedding, we’ve received a few more.
How many did you receive after the event itself? Reason I ask is that my SIL/FIL (he’s 91 and lives with SIL)/niece/nephew have not yet sent anything - nor are they going to the wedding. H is pretty upset. On one hand, I understand - it is a 4-4.5 hour drive which would be hard on FIL. But, just last year they took him to the beach the same distance away. His health status is unchanged and maybe even better now. Niece - we didn’t want to come (long story), so no problem there. And Nephew said they wanted to come and tried - but he/spouse are both ER nurses with 2 little kids (not invited). No problem there for not attending.
But what H is really upset about - is that except for the nephew, it’s like the wedding isn’t even happening. No talk about it whatsoever. They didn’t RSVP - H had to call and ask multiple times and they were vague until he finally said “if you’re not coming, they need to know.” And then silence. And add to this is that my side of the family is acting like it’s the wedding of the century. Everyone is so excited and calling us every day asking about what to wear, is this OK, how should I send a gift? etc. And he won’t have anyone from his side there.
So H just feels bad - but he refuses to ask if they’re going to do anything. I secretly asked S if they had sent anything - because if they did, it might make him feel better, but nope. But maybe after the event and they see pictures online, they might get a clue? Did ya’ll get stuff after the fact?
And also note - this is the SIL/FIL that never ever try to keep in touch with H - even before they took in the in-laws. It’s like we don’t exist. But if H calls, or we get together - everything seems hunky dory. Not that this really bother me personally, since I’m not a social person, but I know it bothers him a lot, especially now.
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No one is ever required to give a gift, but if they choose to do so, it’s possible that they may mail a card and check around the date of the wedding.
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Some people feel that if they aren’t coming to the wedding, they don’t “need” to send a gift. Some people just don’t give a gift. I think in the midst of a joyous celebration, it’s long term better to just concentrate on the good parts.
People have a lot of stuff going on that they may not share, particularly about willingness or ability to travel/attend events. Maybe your husband would feel better if he simply said “I’m sad you aren’t coming to the wedding, I wish you were”. And then worked on letting it go. (My inlaws are very much like this, so I have every sympathy but people are who they are)
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It’s not about an actual gift. It’s more about showing that they care in SOME way. At some point in H’s/our kids’ lives… And he has mentioned that to them - that nobody from his side will be there at all, and that was sad.
Even a text that said “good luck this weekend. I’m sure it’ll be beautiful.” but nope - crickets…
Note - it’s also this way for his birthday - so it’s not really surprising. He was just hoping…
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Of course. That’s so sad, and of course it would make him sad. DH also has moments when a hope, buried underneath actual experience with his folks, bubbles up and then crashes. You don’t really want proof that they can’t be bothered 
I hope the wedding is wonderful, and he has a great time regardless. You are so kind to hope for a good outcome – our kids did receive a few gifts after the weddings, so it’s always possible.
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Your H (or possibly you, depending on your relationship) may want to reach out to some of his family members and say something like “we understand you’re not coming, and we will miss you, but a text or some acknowledgement to kid would be great” and see what happens. Sounds like you shouldn’t and don’t expect much, but a little reminder to them wouldn’t be a bad thing.
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