Is there a dance floor at this wedding? Food to eat? Get your husband on the dance floor,
Enjoy the food, cake and drink, smile, cry and hug. When it comes to the actual event I hope he can let this feeling go and realize how lucky he is to be there with the lovely couple and anyone who didn’t come, their loss.
H has little relationship with his 3 sibs 2 of who live 45 mins from us. D1 had a small wedding and none of them were actually invited because my kids haven’t seen them for 10+ years. It felt weird to me but H don’t seem phrased. I guess it’s good your husband cares enough to be mad!
I had to lol because we DO NOT DANCE! we didn’t dance at our own wedding. I was so stressed over the mother/son dance that my wonderful awesome son took it out of the program. Thank god!!! I did every activity n known to man as a child/youth. The ONLY activity I asked to quit was dance.
I think I have overstated how upset he is. He gets upset when he thinks of it, but it will not overshadow the weekend.
Yes, hopefully the actual day of joy and the pictures after will help your H feel better about things.
We had ‘duds’ in DH’s family. DH’s mother’s family has an annual family reunion as their mother (family of 13 children) asked for the family to get together every year in August as a way to celebrate her birthday (no gifts, just a big family pot-luck in wonderful WI weather). At these reunions (years after the parents died), there were certain ‘clicks’ of a few of the families not really socializing with everyone (I call it mainly the members that lived in Madison WI, and one dad was a city councilmember for many years - so their extended family, they were the ‘sophisticated’ ones while the rest were treated like country bumpkins). A first cousin of DH whose parents lived in Milwaukee - this cousin was married to a gal who just thought they (her husband, her, her kids) were so above the other relatives, and again just managed their little family w/o interacting with the rest of us ‘low lives’.
At my wedding dinner, a cousin who recently married prior to our wedding; she had gained a lot of weight (due to a number of circumstances) and was very heavy set (easily 100 pounds overweight) – she kept being asked in a very rude way by a few of these extended relatives “are you pregnant?” - and she would answer “maybe” - how horrible to come to a celebratory function and have rude extended family members asking loud and inappropriate questions?
I think it’s one of those realizations that some people can’t be that person who you want and hope for them to be.
It sounds like the sister, that’s who she is and probably who she’s always been.
I’m sorry she won’t be at the wedding and I’m sorry your fil won’t be able to be there either.
My husband and I had to transport his parents to my daughter’s wedding. Drove them 800 miles and took them to all the events. It dampened my enjoyment and energy for my kid’s wedding. My kid was happy they were there, my husband’s brother declined coming. Because my husband and I stepped up. We also stepped up for his daughter’s wedding.
It’s who we are and it’s who he is also. It turned out ok.
I believe in the old saying that we can’t choose the family that we’re born into, but we can choose the family we make. It sounds like your H made a resounding success in the family he made and he should proudly celebrate that. Especially on the day your child creates their own family, with the love and example shown by your H and you.
My BIL put a huge damper on my daughter’s wedding. He had to fly in from another state and had TWO years to figure out transportation from the airport to the resort venue - 1.5 hour drive (D & SIL postponed the original wedding date a year because we were still in the thick of COVID). He actually expected transportation to be provided for him and called my husband, my daughter, SIL and even friends of ours, incessantly in the weeks leading up to the wedding - trying to find rides for him, his girlfriend, his grown son, AND their luggage! He even asked my husband if one of his employees could take them! This man is a business owner and an attorney and had the resources to rent a car or pay for an uber. It was infuriating and embarrassing.
H doesn’t speak to his brother for this and many other similar escapades. His son (H’s nephew) is supposed to be getting married sometime in 2027. I hope we are not invited as it will be very awkward and H doesn’t really keep in touch with the nephew. I don’t plan to invite BIL to my younger daughter’s wedding - I don’t believe he has even ever spoken to my younger daughter in her lifetime or acknowledged any milestone - why invite him? Weddings aren’t the time for hashing out family drama.
I was just coming here thinking about @ClassicMom98 also.
I hope everything goes as planned, and you and your family (and guests) have a wonderful, joy filled weekend.
DIL & S posted info on their wedding website, including the suggestion that uber, lyft & rental cars were available, and info about parking at venue of wedding & reception. Many of the friends took rideshare so they could drink without worrying!
I’m sorry for folks who have rude and clueless relatives who try to make it everyone’s issue when they don’t have their act together.
The one thing I made clear to ‘my’ guests (the wedding was out of state) was that I would NOT be picking up anyone from the airport. It was about an hour away and I wasn’t going back and forth. In fact I didn’t rent a car as i was there a few days early and my daughter picked me up, and then my good friend did rent a car.
It turned out there was a BIG problem at the rental car agencies (all of them) at the airport that weekend and people had to wait hours if they arrived at the wrong time. I just couldn’t make that my problem.
At my other daughter’s wedding in Spain, cars were also a problem. B&G rented a car (tiny little European car), another couple rented a car and my SIL rented a car. A big group got dropped off and took a rented shuttle (and got picked up by it after the wedding), my friend and I took a train and thought we could get a taxi from the train station, but no. It involved a lot of people shuttling back and forth in the 3 cars to the little town if we needed to go.
In order for our kids to have their loved ones at their weddings we were happy to do what it took for that to happen.
We drove my in-laws. My bil is a seat of his pants type, my mil didn’t want to depend on him so my husband volunteered. That way our kid got to have her grandparents at the wedding.
We picked up people at the airport. We drove them to the venue. I arranged for the condo units to rent. We were definitely sherpas for both of the kids weddings.
In the end my kids got to be unburdened by the logistics and got to have their people there.
Was there that person who complained? Of course. Did my kid know? I don’t think so. Would it have been nice if my relatives were adults who could figure out their own logistics? Of course but since this isn’t who they are, my husband and I stepped up.
D and SIL’s wedding was at a rural venue about a half hour from a major airport. My parents and MIL were all in their 80’s at the time so H and I made sure they got to the venue. H’s sister and BIL brought MIL. All 3 of the grandparents were staying on the property as were we. Everyone else figures it out. Some rented cars others took uber or Lyft. We did rent a shuttle to and from the nearby hotels and the venue.
My brother accidentally booked his return flight for 6AM instead of 6PM the day after. His ( then) girlfriend had to get an uber at 4 AM!
Transportation is a timely topic for me.
We are going to a wedding soon. We are paying $1200 for my step-d and her fiance to fly to the wedding and over $1000 for them to stay at the venue for 2 nights. I told my H to PLEASE let his D know she should NOT send a text saying “hey, we just got here… can anyone come pick us up?” THEY should be able to get themselves from the airport to the venue, in a “destination” city, and not inconvenience others. Can he/we prevent that from happening - no, but I will not feel bad about it. (We are doing a LONG drive with another 2 “kids”).
My best friend flew in from LA to attend S’s wedding. Our next door neighbor kindly offered to host her so she rode with us. My BIL (flew in from SF) stayed at a hotel and we gave him rides everywhere (neither of them rented cars but they offered to). We were happy to shuttle them but glad it was just the two of them we had to shuttle. Both of them have been gracious hosts to us when we have stayed at their cities & in their homes. S asked us not to host anyone at our home so he and DIL could come and go as needed. It worked out fine.
For nephew’s wedding, one of my sisters and her H made sure to pick mom up from CCRC in wheelchair and escort her to the wedding & reception. It was very kind of sister and BIL and we were all so glad mom could come.
We all did what we needed to do but no one made big demands on our time and resources. BIL even came with me to Costco to get refund on unused wine, day after reception. That was quite an adventure!
Both of my kids got married away from my home. Here, I’m the airport taxi. I pick EVERYONE up from the airport, drive people there at 4 am, pick them up in snowstorms. For their weddings, I just made it clear from the start I wasn’t doing that. No one had a problem with it. There are no older relatives to worry about (at least who were attending) but if there were, I would have arranged for someone else to cart them to the venue.
For some weddings coming up, my niece and my nephew’s sister in law (in Vail), I’ve offered to be the taxi once again. Or babysitter, or whatever they need. For my own kids’ weddings, I didn’t want the responsibility or to spend the time. I knew there would be stuff I needed to do at the venue or get my nails done or just visit with other people.
I think as long as expectations are clear, it is rude for “guest” to keep trying to impose on the family that is hosting and “no” would be a complete response.
