Imagine that letter being answered by Carolyn Hax! She would not be telling the bride to just grin and bear it.
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Or Beth Dutton.
I thought I read that “Abby” was retiring, and that they were going to recycle some of the old questions. I wonder whether this is a recycled question from her mom’s (the original Abby) day!
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I bet those moms are also going to “expect” grandchildren . 
Dad’s only fight in this game is for his daughter. He should tell the moms to back off!
I’m just as upset that a 33 year old bride and her partner don’t have the confidence to put their foot down!
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When our mid-30s kid and his mid-30s fiancée married in 2023, we gave them generous checks and told them to let us know how we could help. Then we let them do as they chose. The MOB did the same. I asked bride is there was anything in particular she wanted me to wear and sent her a screen shot that she approved.
The “kids” had been wholly on their own for over a decade and we felt it was their event & day. We sent a list of really want to invite folks and another list of optional folks. They approved those that S knew and had the celebration they wanted, with our full support.
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My understanding is that the column would be handled by an editorial staff.
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This made me laugh. Could not find an open MOB/MOG dress thread.
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Here’s the dear Abby website with the comments 
My favorite comment: Dear Abby, my MIL has taken possession of our first born and only allows us visitation on the weekends…"
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As I’ve said on here before we ( and most people we and our kids know) view the wedding reception as a party that the parents give in honor of their children’s marriage. So it’s a different vibe then just giving our kids a check and them planning the reception without input. We want our children to love the party but they just assume we will weigh in and things like “ you can’t invite anyone I don’t know” aren’t part of the equation. The only absolute I had with my second kids party was no outdoor party. Not even an outdoor “option “ where a game time decision needs to be made. Did that with the first and my mental health can not take it. Of course they can turn down the offer of a party in their honor but neither of my kids wanted to do that. It’s akin to us for the parties we gave for our parents 50 th anniversaries. WE gave the parties. We wanted them to LOVE it. But No one thought “but it’s our anniversary so you should just be writing the check”
And the wedding itself, in terms of the actual marriage ceremony, that’s just theirs and they decide what sort of ceremony it will be.
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We had no problem with DD1/SIL taking what we gave them and having the wedding and reception they wanted (and we had a very limited number of friends included to invite) - it was in their city 100 miles from us and was a church wedding with reception in the generous spaced hall (but the hall was the limiting factor on number of guests). DD1/SIL got some funds from his parents, and they cash flowed the rest of the wedding/honeymoon. DD2 we will give her a check for the wedding reception - and it will be in her city/state. DD2 will decide the wedding and reception they want. DD2 is on ‘baby steps’ with the faith participation, and her BF has very little faith formation.
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Just had a conversation today with friends who also did same as us… newly engaged daughter will get a check, plan her own wedding (in a faraway location, where the groom knows venue owners).
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I live a few doors up from a nice hotel, and there are often weddings there. Tonight I timed my walk perfectly and saw the bride coming down the outdoor staircase to her lawn ceremony. It never gets old, seeing someone about to commit their lives to another person. The joy, the hope, the anticipation of how life will unfold for them. Wishing all a fulfilling life together.
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I love this too! When S2 married, some of the post-ceremony photos were taken in our city center and I think my favorite photo of them is with a great many bystanders cheering for them as they walked along.
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I went to 2 different weddings in the past few months. I’m really trying to think, what’s the secret sauce? What makes a wedding “one of the best weddings I’ve ever been to!”
The best weddings I went to seemed more about the special circumstances, and everyone’s support of the bride & groom. Like when a hurricane destroyed one wedding venue 5 days before, and the bride unbelievably put together a great wedding 100 miles away (the band was willing to travel!, as were the guests). Or when a different bride was going through a medical scare, and the groom committed himself to her, even though this could be life-altering.
Both the recent weddings I went to were beautiful, and a lot of fun. But, honestly, even if a bunch of things are added, it’s still pretty formulaic (& great!). I think what made the most recent wedding memorable was the MOH’s speech. Under 5 minutes, not written down in advance, but from the heart, welcoming her new brother. The earlier wedding I went to had no budget, and it was a weekend whirlwind of events. I think what made that one so memorable to me was the sheer joy of the families. And I was also able to bring my Aunt, who had a bad health scare the year prior, and she had a marvelous time dancing and visiting with everyone; and I’m so grateful for that because now she was just given a new, terminal diagnosis, so I’m grateful for that window of fun and good memories.
So, what do all of you think is the secret sauce?
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For me, the secret sauce is when the people in attendance are genuinely happy for the bride & groom and genuinely happy to be at the wedding/reception. I’ve been to weddings where it seemed like some people there considered it a command performance that they’d prefer to have skipped. When the guest list is filled with people who are excited about the wedding, it spills over into the reception. Whether it’s a fancy wedding or a no frills wedding, a room full of people who are happy to be there tends to be a room full of people having fun.
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I’ve been to 2 weddings so far this month — both couples were radiating joy! I love weddings where the couple is obviously super-happy. To me that’s the main thing—everything else is gravy!
Last night we were seated at a table with many mutual friends plus one couple whom none of us knew but they were parents of one of the groomsmen and helped set the couple up. I chatted with them but I think they wished they had been seated at a table where they knew more of the others.
H was a bit self-conscious at first, since he had scraped up his face quite a bit in a nasty encounter with…a huge rolling trashbin in the dark on a wet night. The friends were all good natured about it and shared stories about embarrassing escapades they had (when one of them had a bruised face and went to ER, they kept telling her she was in a safe space and asked to see her hands. She kept telling them her H had been at work and she just tripped over the pavement while protecting her ipad (which had not a scratch), and did a faceplant instead.
We have hopes that H will heal more before our 3rd wedding of the month (in about 2 weeks).
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Nice to see this thread pop back up with activity! We need some weddings!
D2 and her BF went to an outdoor wedding last night. It was all outside (minus a couple of smaller tents), it was in a wooded area, they had a small toy cow (? Like a miniature cow - so a real cow but not full sized!) and it RAINED. LOL, D2 is not the most outdoorsy person and she said it was miserable! Not hard rain but on and off rain! She said she told her BF (in jest, sort of 
) she is going to need him to have friends who have weddings with back up plans because the last few they went to were outdoors and either raining or ungodly hot or otherwise not pleasant!
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We went to a wedding last spring and the FOG said they spent $15K (not a typo) on contingency plans bc it looked like there was a good chance it might rain. They wound up not needing the extra tent, and it just sat empty all night. I don’t know what other items the plans consisted of, but wow…
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Who thinks an outdoor wedding in October is a good idea in the Midwest?
My son was married outside in October but the reception was inside. There were contingency plans but the rain held off.
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