My daughter’s husband also shared a (very common) name with another groom on her dated. Her name is more unique so it was easy to tell them apart.
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I’m hoping it’s OK for me to vent here.
Dear —-,
You picked a place with zero good nearby hotel options, even though MANY of your guests will be coming from out of town. You should probably send save the date cards soon, because you also picked a major holiday weekend, which I suspect you haven’t even realized.
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Yay! My D just let me know I’m allowed to invite my next door neighbor (without me asking!). Originally my D only wanted to invite people she or her fiancé are close with. She doesn’t know my neighbor because I moved after she went to college, but my D’s heard me talk about my neighbor often, and about how privileged I feel to have such a warm, giving person in my life. It makes me so happy to be able to invite her!
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My niece got engaged at Christmas and is getting married in Aug, so fairly quickly in these times but not an unreasonable timeline. She also doesn’t live here so much has been done while here for weekends or long distance. She mailed invitations in May with instructions to go to a website to rsvp. Okay I did that after I got a reminder to do it (way before the deadline). Then she added an event (welcome party) but there was no notice sent to look at the website again. My daughter told me I had to go on and rsvp for that. I also found out I’m invited to a third event that not many others are invited to (a Chinese tea ceremony) prior to the welcome party. I guess we’re just supposed to know about these things or keep stalking the website?
I’m invited to another wedding in Oct and my daughter (also invited) asked if I’d received the invitation. Nope. I didn’t receive the save the date because my apartment number was left off, but I told the MOG (and she got the Save the date returned to her) so I told her what the problem was. Guess she didn’t fix it. I wanted to see the invitation as my daughter said it is ‘glass’ and hers actually broke in the mail. I think it might be 3D printed out of a clear plastic that looks like glass, but I want to see it. I think there are only about 70 people invited so only about 40-45 invitations mailed out. I WANT MINE!
I’m getting nostalgic for the old days of an invitation arriving on white card stock with a little return card (I’m having trouble reading some of the invitations I’ve received on colored cards with white ink, including those sent by my own kids - go back to black ink on white card stock).
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I want to see that invite too!!
I think the joke will be on them when their #s are off for food and such and people don’t show other events! Or show and there is not enough food!
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Oh, I think they’ll follow up with me before the actual date (and I’ll go to Rosh Hashanah in Sept at groom’s house) but I want to see it now. My daughter sent me a pic of hers. It is sort of a clear lucite/glass plate with etching of their names on it, and a flower 3D thing in the corner. Unique.
My niece’s welcome party is at a pizza place so there will be food, it just may be a larger group than they plan on (and they hope it is packed). I think the Tea Ceremony is so small that they’ll know who is coming
Both weddings are at the same venue, and both about 65-75 people, but I think they’ll be totally different.
The parking at this venue sucks! Parking is a big issue for me.
D1 was the second person to get married in her generation. She had a tea ceremony. People who attended the ceremony said it was more meaningful than the actual wedding. During the ceremony they served tea to the parents first to thank them and then to all the relatives. There were a lot of happy tears. They wore traditional Chinese clothes for the ceremony. D1 had her Qipao made in Taiwan.
Since then all of her cousins have had tea ceremonies for their weddings. Only the most immediate family members were invited.
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My niece is Irish not Chinese, but her fiance is Chinese and he really wanted the tea ceremony. His brother got married about 4 years ago and the tea ceremony was one of the first dates niece and groom went on together. Groom really wanted it for his family, and also really wanted it at a Chinese restaurant to feed invited guests (he’s a foodie).
She’s wearing a red qipao and I think he may be wearing a traditional outfit too. I think it will only be her parents, brother and me, and then his family of parents, brother and maybe some aunts and uncles. They are from out of town so I don’t think many can be here, and his grandparents have either died or are in Hong Kong.
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It is customary to give a red envelope when the tea is served to you. Tea cups are on a tray and you put the envelope on the tray after you take the tea.
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Eons ago, I had a tea ceremony. It was my in-laws, my parents & siblings, I believe my parents siblings and H’s parents siblings were also invited.
I had never heard of the tea ceremony until the D of a sorority sister got married recently. She posted about it on Facebook, and it sounded very intimate and special.
It’s lovely to hear about different traditions. Thank you for sharing!
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There are several tea ceremonies on Youtube. Some seem very formal with just family, others in the lobby of the hotel so pretty public. I believe the groom’s brother’s was at their grandparents’ home. This one is at a restaurant.
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Ours was In a special private area outside the hotel ballroom and basically only the invited relatives and H & I were in attendance. It was much smaller & more intimate than our huge reception (which was held in HUGE ballroom) and it was nice to be able to spend time with the relatives, some of whom flew in from considerable distances, including my 90 year old paternal grandmother. It was a traditional Chinese event and I wore the jacket from my mother. I’m not sure what happened to that jacket. It was midi-length and satin and embroidered.
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No wedding in our lives but today’s Dear Abby made me think of this thread. I think the column answers have gotten worse and worse, but this seems designed to ruin a couple’s wedding.
DEAR ABBY: My 33-year-old daughter is getting married, and the mothers have taken over her wedding plans. They want more than 200 guests, a full Catholic ceremony, fine wines, a full bar, plated dinner and a live band.
My daughter wants to please everyone but is not a practicing Catholic. She wants a small, intimate wedding with twinkling lights, a DJ and house wines from the California vineyard venue. Nothing she suggests is acceptable to the mothers, who see the ceremony as a means to impress their friends and business associates.
I divorced her mom years ago, but I’m still involved in my daughter’s life. How can I advise her to take control of her wedding? — DOTING DAD
DEAR DAD: I tend to agree with you that a bride is entitled to the ceremony she wants, but sometimes there is no clear path to that end. No one will ever convince these moms to back off, and the repercussions of an elopement would be devastating.
My advice to the bride and groom is to grin and bear it. Let the mothers impress their friends (as long as they are willing to pay for it all), and the relaxation of the honeymoon will be all the sweeter.
Your daughter can save her more intimate plans for a renewal of vows ceremony held on a milestone anniversary. Obviously, she will want to avoid telling the moms about it until after all the arrangements are in place!
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Wow! You’re right. Horrible advice,
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Oh my, terrible advice. I hope there are many letters.
A 30+ bride should be able to choose what she and her H to be want.
I understand that these mothers may have bowed to their mothers. But as I have said often here, things are different.
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These moms are on the path to becoming the subject of the low to no contact kids thread. We can’t always predict what will make our kids do that, but this particular situation is absolutely predictable.
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I agree with everyone that the advice is just stupid. They are getting married in 2026 not 1926!
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I feel for the Dad. He’s the perceptive parent here. And likely he’s gonna be on the hook for some of the costs of that grand wedding. Hmm… maybe he was smart enough to say, “I will contribute only $xxxxx”
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