When S & DIL were getting married, they had H track down the people he invited as they didn’t get an RSVP. H was happy to call them & they were all delighted to attend. S sat all of them together, as they were all friends. I tend to RSVP as soon as I get any invitations, so I don’t forget (I also immediately add to my electronic calendar so I don’t accidentally book multiple things at the same date/time).
When H had an 80th birthday party, he sent out paper invitations with RSVP instructions. He still had to call nearly all of his friends to see whether they were attending or not (nearly all came).
I write a check out (there is typically a box for checks at the reception) because I like to include a personal note of congratulations to the couple. Guess I’m old fashioned that way.
I have a nephew who got the marriage license last December. They had a small family dinner, which my mom was invited to. They had said they would have a wedding this year, most likely in Oct. Both sides of families have already given them money for the wedding. But it has been cricket about the wedding. Every time I asked my brother, he said they are still planning it.
If I know for sure if they are not having a wedding then I would give them the gift now (money), but if they are still having a wedding then I would wait. In my view, what’s the point of having a wedding 2 years later.
Gosh, my D has a great attitude. She just found out the atelier where she purchased her wedding gown is closing its NYC shop (& I think all US shops?). So she had to go pick up her dress now, and won’t be able to get alterations done there. Worse is that the accessory that was to be hand-made and was the reason why she got the dress, won’t be done by them now. Her attitude, “oh well, time to look around for a good tailor”. We’re lucky we’re still about a year out, so no need to panic, but wow I’m impressed that this is rolling off her back.
We also just found out that her cousin is going to get married only 4 weeks before her. I had originally thought it was going to be a 2 or 3 month difference. But my D doesn’t care at all! So if she doesn’t care, then I certainly don’t care. I was only worried that some people wouldn’t come to my D’s now because it’s too much to go to 2 so close together. My D’s opinion is that if it’s too much, then they didn’t really want to be there that much anyway, and she only wants people to come with joy, not out of familial obligation.
Good for your daughter to have that attitude. She’s right.
My daughter bought her dress from a sample shop in Seattle so had to take it with her and get alterations done here in Denver. She found a tailor whose shop as been in the same spot (right outside of the day care we used 25+ years ago) and she did a great job. My niece just bought her dress from a resale store and it is beautiful but did need some alterations. Again, tailor is doing it.
The person(s) that would have done the hand-made accessory may still be doing their work elsewhere - she can find out when she picks up her dress. Or they may have places they can refer her to.
Also - about the cousin and wedding 4 weeks before her. Again, family will know on the timing and locations, and decide what they can do.
My husband’s brother had his wedding date set in NY mid-August, and the female cousin that was supposed to be ‘so close’ snuck her wedding in two weeks early in Dallas/Ft Worth area – MOG and MOB are sisters. For NY, the bride’s parents would have opened up more invitations to local friends had they known there would be the declines on some of the close relatives. Both marriages ended in divorce, with DH’s brother having had two children with the union. These cousins are still close to a degree. We traveled to both weddings - since we lived in TX it was not difficult to get to that wedding, and we had done the planning to get to the NY wedding. We actually saved our vacation time, flew in to NY from TX, then drove with DH’s parents to see Niagra Falls and a bit scenic drive back to WI before then flying back to TX.
Tailors can do great things. Some wedding shops have great ones, others not so much (like the one who was SUPPOSED TO fix my gown but didn’t — oh well they didn’t charge). Your D is smart not to “sweat” things she can’t change.
Two of my nephews are both getting married this October, a little over 3 weeks apart. Guests flying in for both are having to figure out what to do. D will likely just stay while DIL find the 5-6 hour time difference from East Coast work unpleasant to manage, so she and S are working it out.
To me it is a wonderful option to be able to do remote work. Yes, the time difference means that if she needs to have her work time be during normal business hours ET she will be needing to go to bed early to get her work block of time in if she doesn’t want to minimize use of leave time. Can adjust and take a siesta/nap among other things. I’m sure it is important for your son to be at his cousin’s weddings and hopefully his wife will be happy to make the efforts, sacrificing circadian rhythm and sleep cycles a bit for the festivities.
Key for guests flying in is to make sure their travel arrangements have them in plenty of time before the first wedding. One doesn’t want a travel delay (for any reasons) have them miss the wedding.
We were lucky to find a great tailor near us when D got married. When I got married, the dress shops did the alterations - none in our area have alterations services anymore. (I know a fabulous seamstress in Portland, if anyone who lives in that area finds themselves in need. We don’t live in that area so didn’t use her, but she’s a grad of the college where I worked & a wonderful person - I enjoy being able to follow her on Instagram.)
Yes, D has made reservations and plans to arrive in late September for 1st wedding and stay for most of October. I know S & DIL plan to stop in SF to see his uncle & cousin in SF en route to the wedding in late September. I’m not sure what they’re planning for the weeks between the weddings.
Oh no. I just drove by the hotel where my D is going to have her reception. It’s under construction. I went to their website and it says that they are under construction from last November until the week before her wedding! There was never any disclosure that there was going to be construction. They had to have known. I think we signed the contract last September? And, if the construction company runs on time, that will be a real shocker. Construction jobs always go over.
And then I went both to booking.com and also to the hotel website. I could book a room for her wedding weekend and the rate that I could get is cheaper than the wedding block rate (that I have to guaranty! And be responsible for any damage caused by my guests!). Perhaps more importantly, by booking on-line (rather than wedding block), I would be able to only book the night of the wedding. This is crazy that it would be cheaper for my guests to book on their own than through the wedding block!
I feel like too many things are unraveling. I’m so grateful that my D doesn’t do drama. But for me, the finances are doable but a stretch, so it’s so very disappointing to have all these things go wrong. I’m keeping my mouth shut around my D, of course, but I think tomorrow I’ll have a little meeting with the hotel!
Ugh. Sorry about all that..they definitely should have noted the construction project when you booked the venue.
FWIW we ended up not booking a block of rooms for D’s wedding. It was primarily the in-laws guests who were coming from out of town and I did not want to be on the hook for a given number of rooms since we were paying for the wedding (in-laws were offered the option but did not want to guarantee rooms either). It was not a pricey hotel and the block rates were equivalent to AAA type discounts that are widely available.
Instead, we told guests both thru the kids wedding website and by directly notifying individuals we expected would need a hotel to book there early. It worked out fine that way. A couple of people had to scramble last minute but I expect that would be the case even if we had a block of rooms.
Since I need to keep my mouth shut and a smile on my face in front of my D, and really all of my family & friends because I need to set a positive mood, it’s really nice to have this outlet.
The catering hall that was supposed to do my older brother’s bar mitzvah (circa 1961) was under construction and my parents found out 3 months before the date that it wouldn’t be done in time. Oy! It all worked out and I wish you and your family the best.
We got the save the date card today for younger S/FDIL2 today. I looked up their wedding website on the knot, and there’s another person with S’ first and last name getting married on the same day next year! Different state, though not far away either.